New Alcohol self help

McKneff

feelinggood wrote: »

It might be an idea to go to an AlAnon meeting. There are also Alateen meetings for teenagers affected by someone else's drinking. You'll find support and advice from people who've been through what your family are going through. You can't change an alcoholics behaviour, but you can change your and how you deal with the problem.

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

:T Well said,

fantasia322

McKneff wrote: »

Where was the 'selective quoting of your post' - I asked you a rhetoical question, there was not a bit of quote in sight

You cannot catch alcoholism. You choose to become an alcoholic by drinking too much alcohol. I don't drink too much alcohol so will never catch alcoholism

First you say 'you cannot catch alcolohism, then you say you say you 'will never catch it because you dont drink too much alcohol.'
Major contradition there,
You didnt offer any practical advice,
you offered your own bigoted opinion because of alcoholics in your family.

Until you get into the mind of an alcoholic you have no right to judge.

Your post is SPOT on, would say with regard to your last statement though, that unless you have experienced this. ie, recovered acoholic and have been there and done that, then it itsnt fair to judge. Judging is easy, recovering isnt, its stripping bare body, mind soul and acknowledging that you have caused devastation to the people closest to you. Facing up to demons that most of us wouldnt have believed possible.

Running_Horse

Still got nothing useful to say to the OP after 2 posts McKneff? Thought not.

Until you have been in the mind of a victim of an alcoholic you have no right to judge.

That's the trouble with acoholics. No regard for their victims.

libbyc3

I second contacting al anon, wholeheartedly. regardless of the illness / disease / self inflicted arguments, the family of an alcoholic, or any other addict, have to protect themselves first - easier said than done.
OP your family needs to 'unlearn' the behaviour of 'helping' your auntie - they can't.
The kids are the priority here, encourage them to contact alateen. and be there for them - they have a mother who cannot be there for them in any way constructive due to her addiction always coming first.

feelinggood_2

Running_Horse wrote: »

Still got nothing useful to say to the OP after 2 posts McKneff? Thought not.

Until you have been in the mind of a victim of an alcoholic you have no right to judge.

That's the trouble with acoholics. No regard for their victims.

Sorry to continue to take this off topic.

You've made a sweeping generalisation and it just isn't true. It is also worth mentioning that many alcoholics (the majority I've met) also have a relative who suffered. It isn't a clean cut bad/good divide. I'm an alcoholic, and also a victim. I certainly always cared about those around me. In my experience alcoholics drink inspite of caring, and are racked with guilt and shame. It isn't that they don't care. They do, but love cannot cure addiction.

Kaz2904

My Mother is an alcoholic. She has destroyed her family. I wouldn't p on her if she were on fire. She has no relationship with her grandchildren. I moved 200 miles from her. I never see her and don't bother to ring her. I will speak to her if she rings me but am happy with the status quo.
Our house wasn't dirty when we were growing up because we cleaned it up and kept up with the washing and ironing. We cooked tea each night. She never ate she just sat in her chair drinking.
Social services were involved when she attacked me and my sister and I told the EWO about her drink problems. The family liaison (sp?) officer was brought in and we were interviewed at the police station. When they asked her about being an alcoholic she denied it. She said our Father was and that maybe they (we) were remembering how he was when we were tiny. She couldn't understand where we had any experience of alcoholism from as we hadn't seen him for 13-14 years.
Because she had a reasonable job and turned up dressed smartly with her husband they believed her. Social services had been involved with us a few times over the years but never did anything. When she attacked me again I went to social services and asked them to put me in care (I was 15). They phoned her and asked for her permission! They did nothing to help me out. I wasn't safe in my own home. When she attacked me the final time I lost it and fronted up to her. I told her if she ever touched me again I would knock her out. My step dad held her back and she never did touch me again. She did throw me out with only the clothes I was standing up in when I was 2 days from 16 though.

I have little sympathy for alcoholics and that is because of my experience. I am in awe of councillors etc who are able to be non-judgemental and thank my lucky stars that there are people out there who can fulfill that role.
Not all alcoholics are a lost cause and some do become sober. Generally they have dragged themselves and their family to hell and back though.

McKneff

Running_Horse wrote: »

Still got nothing useful to say to the OP after 2 posts McKneff? Thought not.

Until you have been in the mind of a victim of an alcoholic you have no right to judge.

That's the trouble with acoholics. No regard for their victims.

You still dont get it do you.

Go and spend a month in an acoholics recover unit, talk to them, ask them why
and what happened to make them go down the slippery slope, then come back in twenty years when youve had some life experience and tell us about it.

clairibel

I think there comes a time when you have to walk away for self preservation, and yes its very hard but it just makes you ill and everyone around, has a knock on effect. At the end of the day everyone has a choice where destructive behaviour comes in...they can choose to carry on doing it or choose to get better however hard it is. Plenty of people have a lot of hard stuff to deal with through their lives and don't let themselves become victims of it, they use it as strength to not let past experiences rule your life.

If that sounds preachy sorry, but i have had several experiences of different types of destructive behaviour and heard all the excuses of why people let it continue.

delain

lynzpower wrote: »

I agree, it has to be suport from social services. If you think youve been let down, those poor kids must have bene really let down. I cant imagine what it must be like to see your own mum seemingly "choosing" not to be there for you and choosing drink over their own welfare.

I know what it's like, and it's horrible. mY mum did it PM me if you want to talk ok.

You can't help some people until they want to be helped.

My mum had to be told we would be taken into care, and then she didn't improve much. Now she's much better, but only after 12 years of heartache and misery.

smartpicture

Running_Horse wrote: »

Still got nothing useful to say to the OP after 2 posts McKneff? Thought not.

Until you have been in the mind of a victim of an alcoholic you have no right to judge.

That's the trouble with acoholics. No regard for their victims.

100% agree. My dad was an alcoholic, albeit a highly-functioning one, not aggressive and just got stupid and pathetic when drunk. It still affected all those around him, until we realised that we couldn't help him because he didn't want to be helped and we just had to work around it to ensure it had as little impact on the rest of the family as possible. No matter how much he said he cared about us, his actions showed that he had zero regard for any of us.

It's not an illness, that's just a cop-out so the alcoholic can comfort themselves that it's not their fault and there's nothing they can do about it, so they may as well carry on drinking. That's not to say there aren't reaons behind it, reasons which need confronting and dealing with before they have any chance of overcoming the alcoholism, but sadly you can't force someone to face up to those reasons.

RunningHorse gave very good practical advice to help the OP. Once you've tried to help the alcoholic with everything you have, and it's not getting through, the only answer is to stop it ruining the lives of everyone around them as well by taking a step-back. Focus on the needs of the children & her parents, and just re-iterate that you will be there for her when she is ready to help herself, and not until then. And contact Al-Anon for support, they're brilliant.