Teenage step son that can't be bothered

Corelli

Reading through all the excellent posts here I would just like to put in a a few ideas about motivation.

It is really hard to be motivated to work without seeing the point of it all. Perhaps your step son has no clear idea about what he wants to do, what the world of college and work are really like. If he hasn't how can he be motivated to push towards this future?

Is there anyway to help him get a clearer picture of the next step in life that he will be facing? Letting him find out about 16+ options, talking to people who already go to where he will probably be going, talking about the sort of employment he is wanting to go into? Sorry if you've been doing this already.

[Deleted User]

I have a 19 year old with dyspraxia and aspergers. He is in college now., and there are times when he comes in, and just goes to bed, he is so tired. I also have similiar issues with my younger son, who also has dyspraxia. He says that yes he can write better now.., but it is still exhausting.., it doesn't necessarily get easier as the writing improves.

Certainly when my older son was at his worse, getting angry and resentful about homework, it was because he was scared, convinced he couldn't do it, that he wasn't clear where the goal posts were and he wouldn't be able to succeed. His logic wasn't my logic so what was clear to me, just wasn't to him. It didn't matter how much I'd explain things to him, until I'd found the right way to explain things, he would do them according to his logic.., and do it wrong. This was very defeating for him (and for me if I am honest). He could do a whole essay wrong because one word meant something completely different to him. Imagine how you'd feel? Then you'd have to deal with the emotional effects of that (he'd feel awful).

Taking away everything is not the way to go. Imagine.., your and your son come home.., you tell him how proud of him you are.., then he doesn't do his homework and you promptly take away everything he enjoys, there are rows in the house between you and his father, his mum has another set of rules.., and can anyone wonder why he's confused? My son used to say 'but everyone at school is telling me I'm doing well and then you get emails that I haven't done my homework and I'm failing. This was very confusing to him. The teachers were trying to encourage him.., but he can't see the reasons, he just gets confused.

Please tell the school that he needs to concentrate on one piece of homework a night. He's 13, not 15.., its not GCSE time yet. Pick your battles. Don't make home like a concentration camp. If he doesn't do homework, or isn't willing ask him why, and when he says he can't be bothered, ask again.., that's just a fence he puts up. Dont''t be confrontational.., make it clear you are there to support and help him.., if you get cross, it will just create a barrier. I used to say 'I need to understand why this homework is difficult so we can find a way over the problem' etc etc. For him to be responsible.., he has to feel he can be, that he can succeed.., I suspect that all he is being impressed with right now is that he can't possibly succeed. And yes, I had to do this over and over again. Every time there was a difficulty with homework, but once I'd got him out of defeatest/panic mode, then he was ready to own that he'd succeeded before and could again. There's little point in saying to him you can have an hour on your ipad when you've finished your homework if he doesn't feel he can do it in the first place. You've got to get through that barrier first.

There are times I have taken away his game console.., but its been for a very clear time period, and only when nothing else will work. And for very clear reasons. If you take away ALL his stuff.., what do you do next?

Just to encourage you.., it was soooo much work, but my son did come away from school in the end with 7 GCSE's (from a point when one school which I moved him from said he'd be lucky to get 2). I had periods of school refusal, lots of battles with schooling but I found a way in the end. You might not be able to do this, but to get him through his exams, I'd keep him at home for a few days etc before one and we'd just hit the books, him and me, and I'm sure that's why he passed his exams (some first time, when the school didn't expect him to pass). I had to work hard to convince his maths teacher to enter him for higher maths GCSE but I knew from his work he was actually very good at maths.., he passed first time, one of only three in his class to do so. So school may be letting your son down in spite of the best of intentions too.

eskimo26

Hi,
I forgot to mention for dyslexia this software is highly recommended:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Voice-Recognition-Software/b?ie=UTF8&node=599998

It's voice recognition so he can talk and it will type for him, considering what it does for people who are struggling it is worth every penny. I haven't tried it but i know people on my course who have because they are painfully slow typers.

Problem is their is no guarantee he will gve a chance or take to it, or he might do so and not like it which is fair enough... P:

deannatrois wrote: »

Just to encourage you.., it was soooo much work, but my son did come away from school in the end with 7 GCSE's (from a point when one school which I moved him from said he'd be lucky to get 2). I had periods of school refusal, lots of battles with schooling but I found a way in the end. You might not be able to do this, but to get him through his exams, I'd keep him at home for a few days etc before one and we'd just hit the books, him and me, and I'm sure that's why he passed his exams (some first time, when the school didn't expect him to pass).

I just had to edit my post to say how amazing that is! It is sad when the scholl just give up like this and become part of the problem not the solution, how did they react when he got his grades I wonder? P: