Teenage step son that can't be bothered

hopfarm

Also just to add we have 5 children , the oldest is 22 the youngest is 12 and have no problems with the other 4 . His mother lives abroad and has not been a major part in his life since he was 4 she is not responsible enough to take accountability.

Mojisola

hopfarm wrote: »

his 12 year old brother also has learning difficulties but has a completely different attitude.

This has been going on for the last 2 years and we have and still are trying to work with him .

Children in the same family can be quite different. Add in their individual disabilities and the differences can be even greater.

If what you've been doing to two years isn't working, don't you think you should try doing things differently?

purpleshoes_2

Maybe if its been going on for 2 years its time to change the routine as he's not doing the one you've asked him to.

emsywoo123

[QUOTE=hopfarm;67395180_We_have_put_routines_in_place_,_we_have_drawn_up_a_timetable_so_he_knows_what_he_has_to_prepare_for_school_everyday_._He_has_routine._(_get_in_from_school,_snack_,_complete_homework_and_then_me_time_)_but_still_doesn't_do_it_._This has been going on for the last 2 years and we have and still are trying to work with him .[/QUOTE]

It is just not working. Or it is, and you cannot see it.

lostinrates

hopfarm wrote: »

. He has been at his mothers for the last 10 days so we were unable to keep track on his progress . .

hopfarm wrote: »

Also just to add we have 5 children , the oldest is 22 the youngest is 12 and have no problems with the other 4 . His mother lives abroad and has not been a major part in his life since he was 4 she is not responsible enough to take accountability.

Not surprised that being with a mother he hardly sees who is not an active part of parenting and probably is not on board with his educational needs took priority for him tbh.

Timing would probably be better had he had a few days to knuckle down before going back to school and some time with one of you daily before the break scheduling a catch up/work schedule.

Just because the others have coped on your routine doesn't mean he will. People are different, ( all learning issues aside). Fourth of five, for example, might feel a lonely or glossed over place to be to him. He might, besides all his educational needs, just be 'normally' demotivated and benefit from a different approach.

Spendless

hopfarm wrote: »

Please don't think I am an unreasonable parent , his 12 year old brother also has learning difficulties but has a completely different attitude . We have put routines in place , we have drawn up a timetable so he knows what he has to prepare for school everyday . He has routine. ( get in from school, snack , complete homework and then me time ) but still doesn't do it . This has been going on for the last 2 years and we have and still are trying to work with him .

Do you need to change the routine?

I'll be honest, my job is an office based one. I could not finish work, travel home, eat a snack and then tackle the household paperwork. I've done it all day, I don't want to do the same sort of thing shortly after walking through the door. I need 'downtime' first. My son says the same about doing schoolwork not long after he gets in.

How long is his commute home and how long does it take him to make and eat a snack?

theoretica

hopfarm wrote: »

My husband has said we can't stop him playing football as it lets his team down , I disagree , am I beng unreasonable ?

Personally, I think he should be encouraged to play football because of the physical activity and all the benefits that brings.

itsanne

It's great that your stepson is in a football team: the last thing you want is to take that away. Others have said everything I would about the other aspects of work/punishment, but there are some additional things you might want to consider about the football.

Playing football will not only help with the obvious co-ordination element of his dyspraxia, but it will also help with other aspects such as visually anticipating where the ball will be and organising himself to be in the right place. These are things which some people might attempt to target through organised therapies - you shouldn't even contemplate removing them.

School is going to be a struggle for him. Having something to look forward to, in this case the football, can be a hugely important motivation. The last thing you want is to trigger a reluctance to go to school at all.

Many children with difficulties struggle socially as well as academically at school, with an inevitable knock-on effect on their self-esteem. In your step-son's case, being part of the football team will help him to fit in, be accepted and be part of 'normal' school life. That's something many parents (and teachers!) try desperately to achieve for their children - you are very lucky it's there for the taking.

GobbledyGook

Have you thought about this from his pov?

He clearly struggles massively. So he more than likely struggles all day at school. Then he comes home and struggles through his homework. Then he's got to struggle through extra work. Despite all of this his teachers still want more, you still want more, he gets the good things taken away for failing...

Perhaps he just doesn't see the point if it's not going to be enough anyway....

All on top of being a teenager and all that that entails and having a mother who doesn't take any large part in his life? Sounds like he's got pretty tough to me.

Your routine may have been in place for 2 years, but it doesn't work for him. Even if it worked for 4, 40 or 400 children before him, it doesn't work for him.

Chris_Hanna

I am a SPLD specialist and have taught children with a variety of learning difficulties. A teenager has many issues to contend with.Each child is an individual and comparisons are pointless.A young person with Dyslexia and possibly Dyspraxia will be shattered by the time they get home from school.It is very frustrating for parents.Memory and organisational problems require parents to treat each day as if they have never discussed issues with their child which can be extremely exasperating.Your son needs your understanding and reading and learning will be viewed as punishment if activites he enjoys are removed.Many of his attitudes will be to mask his feelings and he probably has low self esteem.A sense of humour is a must.He will need high levels of support at home with his homework.Compromise on both sides is required and a calm approach would benefit both of you.Ask school for ideas.