Teenage step son that can't be bothered

Spendless

Does he have a routine in place? I've got a 'can't be bothered' teenage boy (no learning difficulties) and I have several friends reporting the same thing about their sons.

We've told kids they can come home have a snack, change, feed their pet and have free time until x then it is homework time.

emsywoo123

hopfarm wrote: »

. Just wonder how much nagging /pressure/ encouragement is needed before he takes responsibility for his own actions .

Have you read the posts on here?! You need to change what you are doing - is there some consistency with approaches in both his homes? What does his mother say?

balletshoes

hopfarm wrote: »

We discussed it with him at length , told him how proud we were of him for the progress he has made and emphasised how important the extra effort was now . We try and check his homework every night (?always a battle ) and try and ensure he reads and prepares for the following day. His 12 and 16 year old brother have no issues with'homework but am getting tired of constantly battling with him . Also very worried about his future if he doesn't change his attitude .

do his brothers both do as much extra home study as he is expected to do?

if he is doing work, and you're checking it every night, it doesn't sound like he can't be bothered to be honest - otherwise he wouldn't be doing any of it. Maybe he just thinks its a bit too much he's expected to do? Or maybe he's just a long break from school and "couldn't be bothered" with anything school-ish until 1st day back?

My DD is 13, she has a habit of leaving homework until the night before its due in, and its a struggle to get her to revise when she's been recommended to do so by the school. But at her age, she still has time to learn that her inaction has consequences (ie she's learning through experience that if she doesn't revise, she doesn't do as well as she could in mock test papers set in the classroom). Our school imposes break and lunch detentions for completed homework not handed in on time, she's had a couple of those, and again, is learning that her inaction has those consequences.

nearlyrich

We have 13 year old in the family with very similar issues, we found he gave it attitude about reading etc when inside he was sad that he couldn't do what the other people in his class did. The school he is at now seems more attuned to his needs and he has come on massively, I think if I hated a part of my job and the boss said I could only do that and more of it I would get stroppy too. The right "games" can help with co-ordination etc and the fact that he is in a football team is great I think you have over-punished him in this case.

newgirly

I have two 14 year old boys , they do their homework and I get told they are working well at school but they wouldnt want to do "extra" homework that has not been set. As long as the work is good at school and they are doing what they are supposed to do, surely that's a good thing.

They are teenagers, so up, dressed, at school and doing well could be considered a success

It's important to get them in the habit of working off their own backs as they will have to revise at home for exams, but it can't be forced I think by that age. Keeping communication lines open is sometimes difficult but so important.

I do think you sound quite tough on him, we don't monitor most of our boys homework anymore unless they ask for help - which they do when they need to. Do you think he would take more responsibility for his own work if he managed it more himself without you checking as much? Our school quickly act on late or incomplete homework with detentions, so the consequences are known and the kids choose to get the work done and handed in.

elsien

Are you aware that dyspraxia can include difficulties with time management, organisation and planning? So to go back to my previous question, what strategies have you and the school given him, other than nagging and taking away his gadgets?

Mojisola

hopfarm wrote: »

Hi my 13 year old stepson has learning difficulties , he is dyslexic and possibly dyspraxia .

I have come down tough , taken away his iPad , banned him from xbox and ceased all after school activities .

My husband has said we can't stop him playing football as it lets his team down , I disagree , am I beng unreasonable ?

hopfarm wrote: »

Just wonder how much nagging /pressure/ encouragement is needed before he takes responsibility for his own actions .

Nagging and pressure are likely to have the opposite result.

He has learning difficulties - you need to treat him appropriately. What you have done with other fit and healthy children may not work with him.

You are being unreasonable - you will make his life so miserable that he'll give up trying.

As he has two parents, why are you the one controlling his punishments?

Andypandyboy

Without being rude OP you do seem to have very little idea of how SPLD affects someone. Also, I wonder if you need to be the one so involved in punishment when he has two parents? Do you have any experience of teenagers? Certainly, piling punishment on top of punishment is not the way forward.

Let him play football, that is definitely unreasonable imo. You do sound a bit harsh if I am honest, and if I was his mother I may well be compaining about your behaviour.

hopfarm

Please don't think I am an unreasonable parent , his 12 year old brother also has learning difficulties but has a completely different attitude . We have put routines in place , we have drawn up a timetable so he knows what he has to prepare for school everyday . He has routine. ( get in from school, snack , complete homework and then me time ) but still doesn't do it . This has been going on for the last 2 years and we have and still are trying to work with him .

Edwardia

IMO comparing a child with dyslexia etc to siblings without probs is grossly unfair to the child with problems. If the school is pleased with the effort he is making, why are you being so much tougher and expecting a higher standard from him ?

He might be more diificult than his brothers, but he has more to cope with and is bound to get frustrated.

Why don't you:
(a) ask the school what reasonable expectations would be
(b) do some research - find out if he is more or less able than average child with dyslexia and get some support from other parents with children having same probs.

Also, just because he has dyslexia doen't mean he can't achieve in his own way.

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I don't know what it's called but I'm kinda dyslexic with numbers. I add up in my own way and when it was broken down on computer my teacher said I shouldn't get the right answer but I did. She wasn't happy that I found it my way, she wanted me to re-learn it her way and only do it her way because that was The Right Way.

It doesn't matter how he does it as long as he gets the correct answer so even if you don't understand it, what works for him is the right way for him, even if it seems weird to you.

Sorry I think you're holding him up to *normal* standards and punishing him for having problems instead of trying to understand and make it easier for him and learning yourself.