Official Trying to Conceive - Thread 12

Black_Ribboner

Chickp, I'm so sorry to hear that. I echo Jobatch, you're absolutely entitled to feel the way you do and he needs to accept that - the two of you will need to work through this together.

I think the suggestion of Relate is a good one. My husband and I went for counselling before we got married, just because we'd got stuck in a rut and weren't communicating properly. Nothing groundbreaking came from it - neither of us changed overnight - but it did help us talk things through in a safe space and understand a little more of the other's point of view. You and your husband might be able to do that yourselves, but we found it was really helpful to have a neutral third party in the room.

I don't have any direct experience of this and I can't tell you if the slight doubt will ever go away. But I do believe that you can get past it, if he is truly sorry (and from what you've said, he seems to be). Everyone is tempted once in a while and it always feels good to know that someone's attracted to you. The trick is not to let it go too far and it sounds like he let it creep past the boundaries before coming to his senses.

It's also perfectly natural to grieve for the newlywed bliss and to want to take the wedding cards down. I think that feeling will fade, especially if these are old messages - whatever may have happened months ago, you've both just made a very public, very definite commitment of your love. That's a really good basis on which to go forward.

Hugs and best wishes to you xx

Black_Ribboner

Welcome JellyBox! Join our obsessive club, hope you're not here too long

Cuilean

Just wow, Chickp. Nothing extra to add to what the girls have said, because they've said it so well, but do feel free to rant or do whatever makes you feel better. You're not the one who's been badly behaved! Lots of love to you. Also, if it makes you feel better, when you put your Clearblue study's urine samples in the fridge, balance them on top of something he'll be eating

Welcome, Jellybox - excellent username :laugh:

BWZN93

It's not as if I haven't ranted on this thread before about being peed off at the world or something, and life isn't just TTC despite the fact that it's the one thing that we've all been united for on here. As I said, always feel free to talk about it - and I really do feel for you right now. Lots of hugs to you.


I noticed the clearblue study on here and I've duly signed myself up, the idea of keeping pee in the fridge is somewhat entertaining to me and I'm now just over a month away from being able to get back on the TTC horse - if nothing else, figuring out my new cycle would be helpful as things have changed downstairs since the EP. I'm struggling with wanting to try again, I'm almost wanting to turn round to husband and say 'nope, don't want to'. I don't want to go through that again, and I'm quite accepting that my life is nice at the moment and I dont need the change a baby would bring. I know this is probably all a fear based response. My SIL had one a while ago and they never tried again. I guess it makes you evaluate your life somehow.

On the positive. I'm quite recovered now although I've not been running and I'm struggling to find the motivation to get back to it, and I really HAVE to as I have a fitness test at work I'm overdue for! I have finished my degree finally though, exchanged on the house (37 days till we move!!) and most other things are slotting into place quite nicely. And now I get to be part of science and put pee in a fridge :-)

Cuilean

JoBatch, I think it's great that you're feeling a bit better. It's also hilarious that putting pee in a fridge is helping you move on. I can just see you explaining it to others - "What helped you get on with your life after the trauma?", "Well, it was clearly the chance to put pee in a fridge" :laugh:

I think only you'll know if and when the time's right to TTC. Nobody could possibly ever understand how the whole event affected you, physically and mentally. You went through so much, with no warning, and it all snowballed horrifically in a way which nobody could have predicted. You're worried with good reason.

Good luck for the house move! If nothing else, it'll take your mind off things. I spent the packing up process plotting different ways to bump off DH after it brought out his inner Sergeant Major. He went from this mild mannered, quiet accountant to ruthless dictator with a specific plan for every cardboard box :rotfl: If you can get through a house move together, I reckon you and your other half will get through anything.

*niptuckfan*

aw chickp do really feel for you, im not married (was) and if my new partner did this i would feel devastated, i think as others say his card is marked and really its up to him to make it up, these things happen only you know him well and sounds like you know this was a total blip maybe just pressure of marriage etc. men are different.

ncsmummy

Aw Chickpea I'm sorry to hear that, I totally echo what the others have said - trust your instinct!! I wish I had done that with my ex hubby cos I knew he was up to no good, your instincts are very reliable!!! It will take you time to deal with the feelings etc and he should expect nothing else to be fair! Feel free to rant away!

Welcome jellybox, I hope your stay here is short!

Jobatch - glad you are starting to feel better. Its a really personal decision when to try to ttc again. I had a m/c just over 2 years ago and we decided to ttc asap. The fear of it happening again is still in the back of my mind but I just keep telling myself that it will be worth it to finally have our baby, hopefully!

CD 11 here, still awaiting ov so nothing much to report apart from a banging headache for the last 2 days! Think it must be the weather as DD has been the same!

Cuilean

For anyone else doing/contemplating the Clearblue study, I've had an email to say that my kit has been dispatched, with a link to a page on their website showing how to use the product they're sending me. It does not appear to be the very expensive fertility monitor like I'd hoped - boooo It looks like the new style purple POAS OPK with the flashing smiley face (This one) Kind of gutted not to be getting a gadget - I do love a gadget! :rotfl:

Black_Ribboner

It says it's not suitable for PCOS sufferers But the woman on the phone told me PCOS wasn't an exclusion point. What's the point in asking me to test an unsuitable product?!

Oh well, might as well carry on I guess. Can't be any more confusing than this month's been (FF has now put crosshairs in for last week, but the temp rise is less than 0.1C and arguably not there at all - have had no other signs of ovulation for a fortnight and no pg or AF either. Have I mentioned how much I hate this process?)

Roz_V

BR if you think cats aren't exercise, would you mind coming round to mine and catching the live mice that mine keeps bringing in? I'm as fast as they come now and can vault a sofa on cue! :rotfl: Also, if I get the cat carrier out she assumes we're off to the vet and can have me running all over the house for a good 2-3 hours wrestling to get her in it... I think she knows that the vet is really cute and so deliberately makes me look like a red, sweaty mess when I go to see him! :rotfl:

I had 4 days without spotting and my IC sticks said OV on Wed/Thu so we did the BD both days but then today I had a bit of spotting again... Now my mind is playing tricks and I'm wondering whether they actually did say OV or if it was just the light/me hoping... Why didn't I take a photo :rotfl: Going on hol on Thurs for a few days, then home for a week then away again and back on 3rd July. Have told myself if I don't get a proper AF by then (25 days after OV) then I'll do a test...