How do other grandparents stop themselves from "interferring"

Jagraf

Soleil_lune wrote: »

Couldn't agree more. I would never leave a baby crying. A baby does not cry for no reason.

Imagine being this helpless tiny little bundle of fluff who can't feed itself, can't walk, can't get water, can barely sit up straight, (if at all,) and you're sitting alone in the dark; hungry, or in pain, or cold, or lonely, or scared, and you cry for someone to come to you, and nobody comes.

IMO, that is a perfect recipe to make a very insecure, needy, clingy child, (and then adult!)

I can't believe people used to leave babies to cry.

I further can't believe that people still do.

I wouldn't, couldn't and didn't leave them crying as I see it as their way of Communicating. However, Im not sure there is any evidence suggesting that if you do, you have an insecure adult! There are all kinds of things that go on between baby stage and adult which affects confidence.

Soleil_lune

Agree to differ?

notanewuser

Jagraf wrote: »

I wouldn't, couldn't and didn't leave them crying as I see it as their way of Communicating. However, Im not sure there is any evidence suggesting that if you do, you have an insecure adult! There are all kinds of things that go on between baby stage and adult which affects confidence.

It IS their only way of communicating. End of. A baby of a few weeks or months is not capable of "self soothing" or manipulating. Boils my blood that parents can't see past the money machine that is this type of sh1te advice. :mad:

notanewuser

As adults we wouldn't (I hope) ignore our partners if they were upset and crying. Our instinct is to comfort them. Why is it not the same with babies who have no ulterior motive?!

Soleil_lune

notanewuser wrote: »

It IS their only way of communicating. End of. A baby of a few weeks or months is not capable of "self soothing" or manipulating. Boils my blood that parents can't see past the money machine that is this type of sh1te advice. :mad:

notanewuser wrote: »

As adults we wouldn't (I hope) ignore our partners if they were upset and crying. Our instinct is to comfort them. Why is it not the same with babies who have no ulterior motive?!

What this lady said ^^^ :T

Whilst I agree that it's not a great idea to have someone depend on you and have you do everything for them to the point where they depend on you to wipe their bum; there's a bit of a difference between waiting on someone hand and foot like a personal handmaiden; and tending to and caring for a crying and needy baby, who needs and wants reassurance and comfort. They are not some manipulative little monsters who are 'playing' you; they need to know someone will come if they need them.

I don't think you can compare the two really. Going to a crying baby, is not the same as cow-towing to a child or teen (or whatever) who can generally do most stuff themselves.

Carmina-Piranha_2

I can't remember the reasons given, but there was some science behind the suggestion in this book that you shouldn't leave a baby to cry at under 6 months.

I know that my Gran left all of hers to cry - everybody did back then. She loved me but was outspoken about her disapproval of my 'ways'. Same with my mum, who had a prem baby when I was 9 who was often in discomfort, and dehydrated, often in hospital. My Gran didn't approve of us all picking the baby up all the time, but his little tummy was sore. I remember hearing tutting that after my dad left my mum let the youngest who was 4 at the time sleep in her bed. 4 is so young! But in the 70's it wasn't the norm to let the child 'rule the roost' to such an extent. I think I got my parenting style from the way my mum reared my littlest brother.

notanewuser

I was a 70s baby and was constantly held, fed on demand etc. as was my 1950s born mum.

notanewuser

Some of the science here:

http://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/newborns/case-against-ferber-sleep

Soleil_lune

Like you NANU, I fail to see how anyone can support leaving a baby to cry.

Mojisola

notanewuser wrote: »

Some of the science here:

http://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/newborns/case-against-ferber-sleep

And here -
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out