How do other grandparents stop themselves from "interferring"

jetplane

Well, there you go, if my grandsons nursery ever had the misfortune to say to me 'he should be' or 'make sure he' then all my good intentions of not interfereing would likely evaporate oops

Mojisola

maman wrote: »

My SIL has recently had a new DGD. The baby's mum is older and has swallowed such amazing rubbish from classes she's been to it's unbelievable. Such that the baby seems to dictate exactly when she'll eat and sleep and how much she'll eat. So it's the infant equivalent of grazing. Result the child is never properly hungry or satisfied. And there seems to be no routine, everything revolves around baby.

My children are all adults now and I didn't read loads of baby books when I was pregnant but I had lived in third world countries where babies were kept with Mum all the time, breast-feed when they were hungry, fell asleep when they were tired and were generally happy and secure. It surprised me to start with how rare it was to hear a small baby cry but they didn't need to because they were in contact with Mum (or another relative) 24/7.

It made sense to me for a very small baby to need the reassurance that these babies had and I did much the same with ours.

duchy

I could see a mother following advice to let a baby cry ending up with the neighbours calling social services.......... I think most mother "over endowed" with grandmotherly advice just nod and ignore anyway though

cloudy-day

Mrs_Soup wrote: »

Your daughter in law lives with your parenting mistakes on a daily basis whereas you don't have to live with hers!

Great quote!

:beer:

Poppie68

I never had anyone to turn to for advice when I had my three all within a 13 month period.... exhaustion got me through it I think lol...but I was very strong willed and most probably would of resented any kind of 'interference' No matter how well intentioned.



Now I'm a Granny to a beautiful 20 month old little girl....my daughter, her mum is 23. We have had the agreement from day one that advice will be asked if needed and no promises made to heed that advice, I simply agreed to keep stum, surprisingly I do.... To be honest though she hasn't needed much help or advice as she is truly an amazing mummy and understands mistakes are made and lessons learnt....

Saying all that if I had serious doubts of any kind my agreement to stay silent would definitely be null and void.

maman

notanewuser wrote: »

Do you think our cave-dwelling ancestors set times and amounts for feeding? Do you think tribes folk across the world do now? Does any other mammal, for that matter?

I'd suggest you do a little more research (of the non-Gina Ford kind) and keep your nose out of it. Sounds like mum is doing the absolute best thing for her new baby. And find something else to gossip about with your SIL. Hideous behaviour.

Ouch!! Was such vehement rudeness really necessary?


You don't have to agree with me and I did say from the start that it's best to keep quiet and not interfere.


I don't happen to believe that everything should revolve around a baby however much loved and wanted. Life has to go on whether it's running a home, working or both and I don't see that running yourself into the ground helps anyone.


So my SIL and I 'gossip' and agree that we wouldn't let the baby rule the roost such that everyone was miserable and tired but she didn't say it to her DIL, instead she cooked and cleaned and babysat for her and wore herself out too!!

laurabllue

maman wrote: »

My SIL has recently had a new DGD. The baby's mum is older and has swallowed such amazing rubbish from classes she's been to it's unbelievable. Such that the baby seems to dictate exactly when she'll eat and sleep and how much she'll eat. So it's the infant equivalent of grazing. Result the child is never properly hungry or satisfied. And there seems to be no routine, everything revolves around baby.


So we've been through it OP, but we just moan to each other and keep the peace.

Lots of people/books/places advocate a baby led approach these days. I probably didn't even realise we were doing it but it worked perfectly for us. My little one fell into a pattern of 3-hourly feeds in the day, and two night feeds. By 4 weeks she was going to bed at 10.30 and sleeping through to 6. By 10 weeks she started bringing her bedtime forward herself and now goes 7.30-7 without any fuss.

Meanwhile I watched friends trying to implement a strict routine from week 2, with bath, story, bed and then getting stressed with they were being woken every 2 hours. My baby certainly didn't rule the roost, she didn't go hungry and was very satisfied but we let her dictate her own routine and it worked perfectly. I wouldn't say I 'swallowed amazing rubbish' from classes, just did what felt natural.

Person_one

maman wrote: »

So my SIL and I 'gossip' and agree that we wouldn't let the baby rule the roost such that everyone was miserable and tired but she didn't say it to her DIL, instead she cooked and cleaned and babysat for her and wore herself out too!!

You say it as though the baby is being intentionally awkward/power hungry!

Gillyx

A newborn baby cannot rule the roost, they don't know how to manipulate. They're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time.

They've been inside there mothers body for 9 months, it's quite obvious they'll need an adjustment time to the outside world, they don't always realise they're not still attached. They don't want for much, they want to be fed, kept dry and comforted. It's why we get maternity leave, to allow both mum and baby to adjust to the new situation. If you want a baby to pop out and fit into your routine, I'd suggest getting a pet you can train.

System

Things ive learned by having older children.


Don't offer parenting advice unless its asked for.


Don't criticise their choice of partner because it stands a chance it will backfire on you.