How do other grandparents stop themselves from "interferring"

Ivana_Tinkle

The best gift you can give your grandkids is for them to have a lovely, relaxed relationship with you and many happy memories. Criticising their parents over incredibly trivial things (which aren't necessarily anything to do with their parenting anyway) is not the way to achieve this. Pleasant family relationships are the most important things in the world. Start !!!!!ing about toilet training and beakers and you won't have this problem next Xmas because they won't want to see you!

Hard_Up_Hester

I'm a grandma & I mind my own business, I don't offer advice, I applaud everything my daughters do.
All the grandchildren visit us & I do interesting things like baking & sewing with them.
At the end of the day nothing your DIL is doing is life threatening so butt out & don't ruin your relationship with her.
Hester

Carmina-Piranha_2

I have no doubt there were people who thought I 'babied' my youngest with the sippy cup.

They used them at nursery though, and in school for water. Playground and lunchbox drinks are lidded or in cartons with a straw.

He drank out of a proper cup at the table at home but not on the go. He is still incredibly clumsy at the age of 9. I wouldn't want him to have the stress of a spilled drink at Granny's house. She has carpets, and fabric sofas. If we were sitting down for a meal at a table then yes he'd drink out of an ordinary glass.

If my mother or MIL commented then I don't know which I'd choose out of letting them clean up all the mess, or just not visiting!

maman

I'd suggest you keep 100% quiet in front of DS and DIL and just have a moan on here or to trusted friends/DH as a safety valve.


I know exactly how you feel. My DD2 used to let DGD2 get away with murder (eating far too much junk food & sweets, leaving her meals, watching endless TV etc.) When she was staying with us (without her mum) we did it our way and DGD2 had no problem adjusting.


My SIL has recently had a new DGD. The baby's mum is older and has swallowed such amazing rubbish from classes she's been to it's unbelievable. Such that the baby seems to dictate exactly when she'll eat and sleep and how much she'll eat. So it's the infant equivalent of grazing. Result the child is never properly hungry or satisfied. And there seems to be no routine, everything revolves around baby.


So we've been through it OP, but we just moan to each other and keep the peace.

theoretica

Is any of this likely to be still affecting his life by the time he goes off to University?

Seanymph

IF you had the child at your house, then you could become involved - my in laws childminded for me, and they had different rules - no dessert if you didnt' eat your dinner, they potty trained both kids much earlier than I would have done...

But the grandparent who didn't childmind and butted in got swift retribution.

I respected their right to have things their way in their house - the kids got used to different things in different houses and never seemed any worse for it. But in my house, my rules went.

So no one told me how to do it, but they did quietly do it differently when I wasn't there.

And I let them because it was important to them, and they were loving and supportive adults in my childrens lives, with differentn expectations and that was ok.

But if you are seeing them socially, and occasionally, then you need to be quiet.

Gillyx

Im pleasantly shocked that everyone has agreed to bite your tongue.

I'm inclined to agree, my MIL although I know she means well, does interfere a lot, and offer 'helpful' advice and all it does is get my back up I feel it has affected our relationship

onlyroz

Definitely keep out of it unless you think there is any genuine neglect or genuine medical issues.

mumps

I have three GC, two in one family and one on his own. I never offer advice and often get asked for it. The other two grandmothers do it the other way round, offer advice and get told to mind their own business. I must be unusual and I get on well with both DIL and I think not offering advice is a small price to pay.

Don't worry, he will be fine. My mother reckoned my youngest was so babied he would never grow up. We went to his graduation a few months ago, he got a first from a good university so it didn't seem to do him much harm.

meritaten

this is one instance where I would keep my lips zipped. these issues will get sorted out in time - probably when he goes to 'real' school.
The fact he behaves differently with you shows that he is aware that in different situations he can behave in a more age appropriate way.