How do other grandparents stop themselves from "interferring"

notanewuser

candygirl wrote: »

Lax in that there are 3 kids in my DGD's class, of 5-6 year olds still in nappies at night, despite docs saying there's nothing wrong with them:(

My daughter's best friend (4 and a bit) is still in nappies at night. Admittedly it's because her parents just can't face the inevitable week or so of accidents in the middle of the night. Plus she wakes up soaking every morning and advice is to wait until overnight nappies are dry (limiting bedtime drinks as appropriate) before trying overnight potty learning. She'll get there.

How do you even know about these other kids?

notanewuser

Nicki wrote: »

There isn't. There isn't considered to be a medical problem if a child is still wetting the bed up to the age of 7. Mine were dry before that though my 5 year old has occasional slips if overtired or upset. Why would you expect a parent to wash bedding every day and for the family to have regular disturbed nights when nappies exist to meet this need?

I think that's a little bit different. Children aren't likely to go from nappies at night to completely dry in 1 night. There's an inevitable period of learning, which is pretty easy to manage if you're prepared for it and time it as best you can. The child has to be mentally and biologically ready to stay dry overnight, which is often age 3 or over.

candygirl

notanewuser wrote: »

My daughter's best friend (4 and a bit) is still in nappies at night. Admittedly it's because her parents just can't face the inevitable week or so of accidents in the middle of the night. Plus she wakes up soaking every morning and advice is to wait until overnight nappies are dry (limiting bedtime drinks as appropriate) before trying overnight potty learning. She'll get there.

How do you even know about these other kids?

Their parents have told my DD!I don't go round looking for them, believe it or not! :rotfl:

notanewuser

candygirl wrote: »

Their parents have told my DD!I don't go round looking for them, believe it or not! :rotfl:

Fair enough. With you mentioning school I thought it odd.

cr1mson

My friend's MIL sadly died recently. Whilst sorting out her stuff she found a notebook of things that she had written down that she wanted to criticise her for in terms of parenting. The first page of the book explained that she had decided to write them down so that she wasn't tempted to say anything to her DIL as her MIL had done to her. She wrote less and less in it and her final entry said how well DIL had done and that she no longer needed to write in it!

She was annoyed at it at first but now it is a treasured possession!

moomoomama27

I think it's hard not to interfere. Most people have a little 'my way or the highway' in them!

I'm obviously not a grandparent, but I am a mother and auntie! I do find it hard to bite my tongue at my SILs ideals at parenting! I rarely say anything advice wise unless asked, or I really think she's putting them in danger. There have been time when I have stuck my nose in,

For example crying it out from 6 weeks old (to the point of them being sick).
Forward facing car seats from 6 months old.
Weaning at 3 months, and being given very high salt goods, and now at 7 months old being given pringles, chocolate etc as snacks!

Probably not my business, but I feel the above needed addressing, and did so in a dilpomatic way, even though it didn't go down well.

fannyadams

OP if you still feel the need to make comments about people's parenting... why not pop along to your local Wal-Mart (ASDA) - other supermarkets are available (and if experience is anything to go by Waitrose is THE BEST for helpful parenting tips from nosy old biddies) - and offer the benefit of your wealth of parenting knowledge in a loud voice at the parents of unruly children!
I love hearing from strangers how to parent my youngest when he's having a meltdown...
<sorry the sarcasm font is disabled in MSE forums>
for people who think I'm having a go, I'm not. This comment is supposed to be a funny (lol) one. OK?

Carmina-Piranha_2

candygirl wrote: »

Their parents have told my DD!I don't go round looking for them, believe it or not! :rotfl:

I probably know more about my son's schoolmates than is typical because they have been in the same playgroup/nursery/class since the age of two so us parents all have that bond from the toddler group we went to at the playgroup setting (4 days a week it was a playgroup where you left them, one days a week was mum and toddler group).

Mine started nursery in pull-ups (at just turned 3) so it was something I talked to other mums about because I wanted their advice. With both of my children (both dry during the day at 3 years and 4 months, but no chance whatsoever of them getting the hang of it before they turned 3) I learned that it was common for their friends to be wet at night, even if they were reliably dry during the day.

My boys were dry at night long before they were dry in the day - awkward little things It's a different system of nerves/hormones/whatever though, isn't it. At night their bodies learn to stop producing urine when they are asleep, eventually. During the day they have to notice when they need to go.

Jagraf

cr1mson wrote: »

My friend's MIL sadly died recently. Whilst sorting out her stuff she found a notebook of things that she had written down that she wanted to criticise her for in terms of parenting. The first page of the book explained that she had decided to write them down so that she wasn't tempted to say anything to her DIL as her MIL had done to her. She wrote less and less in it and her final entry said how well DIL had done and that she no longer needed to write in it!

She was annoyed at it at first but now it is a treasured possession!

That's lovely!

It's a shame we don't have an ear to listen to our elders without seeing it as criticism. We tend to patronise the older generation as though they haven't been through it. We forget they had kids too.

I find that younger generations are quite happy to voice their opinions on the older ones. Or ignore them completely. I'm sure they laugh and think "seen it, done it, got the t-shirt".

Even I, with a teen, look at those with young ones and think "look at all that comparing / competitions / expensive stuff". Although I agree things do change, and advice changes, I still think older is very often wiser.

ash28

candygirl wrote: »

Lax in that there are 3 kids in my DGD's class, of 5-6 year olds still in nappies at night, despite docs saying there's nothing wrong with them:(

Children don't usually wet the bed deliberately....they wet the bed because they can't help it, for whatever reason. For some the answer can be as simple as leaving the landing or bathroom light on.

Usually parents start leaving nappies off at night when the nappy is dry in the mornings....that's certainly what I did. Until the nappies are dry what is the point? You are just going to end up with a wet bed.....

My nephew was a bedwetter, it drove my sister mad. She took him to the doctor when he was three and the doctor told her to bring him back when he was six. He not only wet the bed every night but usually had a small wet patch on his pants during the day.

She took him back when he was five - they gave them a pad and bell which didn't do very much. Then he was referred to the hospital for tests.

He had, what they termed an "immature bladder", he didn't have the full awareness we would have when the bladder was full and didn't have full control over the sphincter that prevents us passing urine.....hence the daytime dribbling and night time bedwetting. And there was nothing they could do about it.....the specialist told her it was something that would come in time. There was actually nothing wrong with him other than delayed development of the nerve pathways....he still had the bladder function of a very young child. He wet the bed until he was thirteen.

Until children have full control of the bladder and sphincter then bedwetting is inevitable and like all other developmental milestones in children, this one is achieved at different ages....some children might be two or three and others like my nephew can be in their teens. One of my daughters was dry at night before the birth of her sister and she was twenty months when her sister was born....her brother on the other hand was almost five.

As long as there is no physical or psychological cause to the bedwetting (and sometimes there is) I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. The fact that my nephew was a bedwetter meant that I had a fairly relaxed view of it. However, if they were still wetting the bed every night at six or seven then I would have it investigated.