Toddler behaviour

Blackpool_Saver

Was your sister like this in any way? how much do you know about the husband? what is the relationship like ?

GetOut

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Was your sister like this in any way? how much do you know about the husband? what is the relationship like ?

It's funny you've mentioned that, my sister was exactly like this and my mum did the exact same amount of disciplining - zero. She took all the abuse for years to come and yes, did get spat in her own face many a time including when my sis was 18 :eek: So pattern emerging for sure but I do still think it can be disciplined if they want to. I guess the saying you get what you give has never meant so much... I do believe my sis has some underlying problems that never got diagnosed, her behaviour can be very irrational and she's got a lot of issues with many people and no self esteem.

Don't get me started on my BIL, don't trust him as far as I can throw him.

I guess writing all of this down makes it obvious why my nephew has issues but I feel sad and that's why I initially started a thread. If I could take him as my own I would, away from all the madness and negativity.
I'm sure they're doing their very best but if I get a chance whilst we're here I'll still talk to her and see how she herself is coping and feels about the difficult situation they're in. I will probably get told though that I'm just jealous and of course everything is perfect, that's the usual response

moomoomama27

FBaby wrote: »

Well my point is that it is 100% luck, as in you could have the same approach and a child who reacts to it with majestic tantrums at 2 or 3 years old. They would be in the process of learning to cope with frustration but many would see it as very poor behaviour and parental control.

Totally agree with this. I've parented all three of my children the same, strict but loving, no smacking, consequences for behaviour and consistency, yet they have all been very different.

A lot of it is down to the child's personality. Despite parenting the same, DD1 is very headstrong, the type of child who likes to see for herself if what you say is true, regardless of the consequences. DD2 is much more placid, and is very much a rule follower and easy to parent, and DS is a mixture of both girls with a very sensitive edge prone to crying! Of course you adapt to suit the child, but fundamentally I follow the same style.

Blackpool_Saver

GetOut wrote: »

It's funny you've mentioned that, my sister was exactly like this and my mum did the exact same amount of disciplining - zero. She took all the abuse for years to come and yes, did get spat in her own face many a time including when my sis was 18 :eek: So pattern emerging for sure but I do still think it can be disciplined if they want to. I guess the saying you get what you give has never meant so much... I do believe my sis has some underlying problems that never got diagnosed, her behaviour can be very irrational and she's got a lot of issues with many people and no self esteem.

Don't get me started on my BIL, don't trust him as far as I can throw him.

I guess writing all of this down makes it obvious why my nephew has issues but I feel sad and that's why I initially started a thread. If I could take him as my own I would, away from all the madness and negativity.
I'm sure they're doing their very best but if I get a chance whilst we're here I'll still talk to her and see how she herself is coping and feels about the difficult situation they're in. I will probably get told though that I'm just jealous and of course everything is perfect, that's the usual response

I am so very sorry, but I am not surprised, there is usually a reason. I wish I had a solution for you, I do hope your sister isn't being abused by him, (abused women can appear irrational) they prey on the weak those types.

Dare I ask about your Mum and Dad's relationship, what is your Dad like?

GetOut

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

I am so very sorry, but I am not surprised, there is usually a reason. I wish I had a solution for you, I do hope your sister isn't being abused by him, (abused women can appear irrational) they prey on the weak those types.

Dare I ask about your Mum and Dad's relationship, what is your Dad like?

Oh Blackpool Saver you do know your stuff don't you

Don't know if she's being abused, she'd never admit if she was. She doesn't work and he earns all the money, self employed in property. He pays for her in every way as far as I can see, but that was always my sister's goal, to find a wealthy handsome man that'd look after her. I can't stomach him. She never thought she could make it on her own though she's got a law degree. Decided she'd rather study medicine now.

My dad is currently in hospital getting treatment for his life long bipolar and depression.

My mum says I'm the only 'normal' one. But I do get to watch everyone from the sidelines and now my nephew I pray he'll be OK, only time will show. Everyone has their own cross to carry through life but mental illness and lack of self worth destroy too many lives.

FBaby

It's funny you've mentioned that, my sister was exactly like this and my mum did the exact same amount of disciplining - zero

Are you saying that your mum treated both of you totally differently? Why having such separate approach if you believe in one specifically, unless you find yourself with two very different child to discipline?

Your sister might be a bit odd and have some issues, but it sounds as if she hasn't done too badly in the end. That should provide reassurance that despite some genetic make-up that makes them fisty/difficult/odd, hopefully her boy will be fine too?

GetOut

FBaby wrote: »

Are you saying that your mum treated both of you totally differently? Why having such separate approach if you believe in one specifically, unless you find yourself with two very different child to discipline?

Your sister might be a bit odd and have some issues, but it sounds as if she hasn't done too badly in the end. That should provide reassurance that despite some genetic make-up that makes them fisty/difficult/odd, hopefully her boy will be fine too?

Same approach, completely different children, chalk and cheese, we don't have much in common and approach and attitude to life are completely different.

What might have also had an effect was that my dad spent more time with me, took me fishing, tought me to drive and other things which taught me some valuable life lessons. My sis either didn't want to come or wasn't invited due to her very bad behaviour at times.

We're deviating from the topic though, yes of course there's underlying family issues but she can at this point in time make a decision to teach her son to show respect to himself and other people.My sister is still often very nasty to mum and dad, say for example she 'borrowed' dad's car for a few days and it's been almost a year and she won't return it, he's getting parking tickets and she's pranged it a few times but won't even discuss returning it, he'd have to do it by force or with police which he doesn't want to do. She'll also use nasty language to my mum, call her names and blame her for her problems when it's nothing to do with her.
I wouldn't dream of this kind of behaviour, wouldn't even enter my mind.
So no, this isn't very reassuring...

Mojisola

GetOut wrote: »

Over the whole day my nephew has showed the most bizarre behaviour. It started in the early afternoon with him pulling my hair and trying to slap me. I stopped playing and left the room. Later on as we were in the midst of playing again, he suddenly spat in my face :eek: I was beyond astonished and backed off straight away to which his response was to walk after me and carry on spitting.

Also, throughout the day he kept on walking up to my 6yo son shouting at him and lashing out by kicking and hitting which I allowed none of and quickly took nephew away to one side.

GetOut wrote: »

My sister is still often very nasty to mum and dad, say for example she 'borrowed' dad's car for a few days and it's been almost a year and she won't return it, he's getting parking tickets and she's pranged it a few times but won't even discuss returning it, he'd have to do it by force or with police which he doesn't want to do. She'll also use nasty language to my mum, call her names and blame her for her problems when it's nothing to do with her.

It's not really bizarre behaviour at all - he's just copying Mummy.

If she behaves like that, she's not going to teach her son to be different or she'd have to admit that her behaviour is wrong.

dizziblonde

It's not really that bizarre behaviour - it's toddler behaviour that's being allowed to continue unchallenged. Toddlers DO tend to push and shove to get the toy they want (see all the footage of the Black Friday sales to see it extended to adults) - but it's how you approach that and channel the behaviour more appropriately that matters.

My eldest goes through phases of lashing out, at one point she was a bit of a biter (only ever directed toward me), but there are very clear catalysts for her getting into that kind of state - it's tiredness, it's hunger, with the biting it was often when her teeth were niggling her, and it's overexcitement - and she doesn't get away with it unchallenged so it, like lots of stuff, will be a phase that she's starting to come out the other end of.

It's a lot easier to sit in judgement if you have a very calm placid child - my eldest in particular isn't at all like that - she could be a total livewire if not managed well - but with distraction, positive praise, consistency and that kind of thing, coupled with the fact her language is very good so she can deal with things being explained to her and reasoned with to a fairly good extent, and she actually is a child who gets complimented on her excellent manners and behaviour a lot of the time.

FBaby

If she behaves like that, she's not going to teach her son to be different or she'd have to admit that her behaviour is wrong.

I think that sums it up. Not sure what you expect in these circumstances.