Toddler behaviour

melanzana

I have lots of nieces and nephews, and hands up... no kids of my own.

Most have grown up now, and have turned out fine.

My youngest brother now has two boys, 12 and 9. The younger has cerebral palsy and mild autism.

The older fella I always gave more attention to. Purely because his younger brother got all the attention in the early days, because of his condition, which was new to us all at the time, and the little fella did need a lot of care.

But it turns out that wasn't necessary.

Older lad today said that he loves his brother and will stick up for him no matter what, because he sometimes gets things mixed up, and people don't understand what is the matter with him.

Well, I can tell you that I had to go upstairs and lock myself in the loo for a few minutes after that!

Younger guy can be a challenge now and then but is adorable.

Sorry folks, nothing I can contribute to child rearing, but I really wanted to give the older lad a gold star today.

Thank you.

notanewuser

j.e.j. wrote: »

You do understand that your interaction with adults is not the same as the way you interact with children, right?

:wall:

You wouldn't tell an adult off or send them to their room, either! But you would your own child. Well YOU might not, but most do.

I genuinely cannot see any justification whatsoever for smacking a child. It's a violent and unnecessary way of dealing with an immediate problem which is likely to lead to even more problems.

Mojisola

j.e.j. wrote: »

Yeah and I think the behaviour described in the OP and by Rev is not normal behaviour. Those kids have serious problems, whether medical or just through bad parenting, who knows.

And some poor teacher is going to have to deal with them in the next couple of years!

j.e.j.

notanewuser wrote: »

I've kept DD's first picture on the wall. I say first. It's the only one. He was about 18 months old. She didn't get a smack or a telling off, but we told her not to do it again and removed the possibility by not leaving her unsupervised with colouring pencils! When she sees it she says "when I was a baby I drew on the wall. I don't do that now."

Even so. I wouldn't leave her on her own in a room with something I didn't want her to play with but knew she'd want to. Surely that's just common sense. (I don't have any house plants, yukka or otherwise.)

Oh dear, oh dear..

You see, at the moment, everything's neatly under your control. I hope for your sake it remains that way, but I fear it may not. You cannot predict everything a child will do or prevent normal childhood behaviour and naughtiness. Unless you're one of these mothers who never lets the child out of your sight for a second (which would probably come under point 2, in my earlier post)


The Yucca survived, and thrived, by the way No need to not have houseplants just in case your dunce of a child ties a washing-line to it :rotfl:

notanewuser

j.e.j. wrote: »

Oh dear, oh dear..

You see, at the moment, everything's neatly under your control. I hope for your sake it remains that way, but I fear it may not. You cannot predict everything a child will do or prevent normal childhood behaviour and naughtiness. Unless you're one of these mothers who never lets the child out of your sight for a second (which would probably come under point 2, in my earlier post)


The Yucca survived, and thrived, by the way No need to not have houseplants just in case your dunce of a child ties a washing-line to it :rotfl:

I don't have house plants for 1 reason only. I kill them all! Doesn't seem to matter what I do, they all die!!!

I've demonstrated that DD is regularly out of my sight. She's a very good independant player with a brilliant imagination. I wouldn't leave obvious temptation for mischief in her path though! She's welcome To paint the walls with water, but not paint! I wouldn't leave ribbons or cords in her bedroom in case she decided to make a scarf either. It's common sense, not control freakery!

Rev

The parent of the child I've been talking about thinks nothing of giving him a whack when he's misbehaving. So much so it now has zero effect whatsoever at all. And he barely registers it as he carts on doing the thing he is being whacked for. His elder brother gave cheek. So was told when he got home he wasn't playing on his new computer. When I called later that evening I asked where he was. Where was he? Playing on his new computer.

It couldn't have been because there was a house full, there wasn't. The only person there who wouldn't usually be was me. And he sees me all the time so is obviously used to me.

I neither agree not disagree with smacking a child when they behave. But I do think that a lot of parents who do that have no other tools to deal with misbehaviour and therefor it becomes pointless because the child knows the worst thing that will happen is a slap on the wrist/leg/bum. So it stops being a deterrent. And this seems to be the way that most parents who do use this type of punishment use it. In my experience anyway.


My mother never raised a hand to me. I wouldn't have dreamt of acting like the children mentioned here. My best friend has tree children. She doesn't smack them. They're all well behaved well adjusted generally lovely kids. Because they have boundaries and know there are consequences when those boundaries are pushed. Be that missing their favourite after school club. Being grounded. Having favourite toys removed etc etc. And most importantly when a punishment is given it is carried out consistently and afterward it is explained to the child once again why they were given that punishment so they are in no doubt that repeat behaviour will incur repeat punishments. I think a lot of parents (that I know anyway) fail with the consistency. They tell the child off, state a punishment then forget about it later so the child realises that however they behave no punishment will actuallt be forthcoming. So why should they behave and not do exactly what they please?

I do however think when used as a last resort and sparingly then a slap on the hand can be effective. It just seems to me that it's never used that way. For a lot of parents it's the first resort. Not the last.


And no I'm not slagging anyone's parenting style because I have no kids so have zero idea how hard it is and what it entails. All My experiences are of watching others parent. Although it did make me realise how glad I am I only have dogs and cats haha.

bouicca21

I do think that a lot of parents who do that have no other tools to deal with misbehaviour and therefor it becomes pointless because the child knows the worst thing that will happen is a slap on the wrist/leg/bum. So it stops being a deterrent. And this seems to be the way that most parents who do use this type of punishment use it.

Spot on. Moral principles apart, the practicality is that if corporal punishment is your only tactic, it soon becomes useless because there is nowhere to go except to hit harder and harder.

I think (hope) that most advocates of corporal punishment on this thread are talking about it as an occasional tool and they are not talking about actually hurting children. But there are people who would use the same arguments to inflict real pain, serious bruising and broken skin. There are also people who would use those arguments to justify hitting children too young to understand the connection between 'wrongdoing' and chastisement. I still shudder at memories of a young mum who regularly slapped her very small baby (just a few months old) for being 'naughty' and just could not understand why it didn't work.

notanewuser

There was a very upsetting video doing the rounds not long back with a woman (Indonesian/phillipino) smacking a non-crawling baby (maybe 6 months old) repeatedly with a pillow while it lay face down. There was another small child watching, and obviously the person filming. Baby was crying (obviously) and getting hit in the head. Hideous. Makes my stomach turn just thinking about it, and I was sick at the time.

meritaten

Personally I don't believe in just one parenting 'Style'. what works with one child is like water off a ducks back with another. you do what works. and sometimes its a slap on the hand (preferably BEFORE they stick the spoon in the electric socket!). Some children only need to be given 'The Look' or a sharp NO. and I quite agree that one slap on the hand is a different matter to a sustained 'beating' like us kids suffered in the '50s. which was seen as normal discipline unless you landed up in hospital.
So, if you never raise your voice or your hand to your children and they behave beautifully - then kudos to you! (or you are just extremely lucky to have 'good' kids). But don't assume that all children are as easy to raise............my third was an absolute horror, and frankly, without stricter discipline than the other two I suspect he would now be completely off the rails!

j.e.j.

notanewuser wrote: »

There was a very upsetting video doing the rounds not long back with a woman (Indonesian/phillipino) smacking a non-crawling baby (maybe 6 months old) repeatedly with a pillow while it lay face down. There was another small child watching, and obviously the person filming. Baby was crying (obviously) and getting hit in the head. Hideous. Makes my stomach turn just thinking about it, and I was sick at the time.

Again, can you really not tell the difference between disciplining a naughty child and abusing a baby??