Toddler behaviour

j.e.j.

notanewuser wrote: »

I genuinely don't see the difference. It's all unacceptable in my view.

Is it DV if it only happens once? How come my husband can't smack me but he could (to your mind) smack DD no problem?

Gone are the days when husbands felt the need to discipline their wives. However, children do need to be disciplined.

j.e.j.

bouicca21 wrote: »

I should have realised this thread would deteriorate into a slanging match about parenting styles and corporal punishment.

For the record I don't believe that corporal punishment is necessary. Neither did my parents, who if both were still alive would have already celebrated their 100th birthdays and would be amazed to be told they had modern ideas.

All children are difficult but there is a difference between 'normal' difficult and disturbed difficult. And the problem OP faces is deciding which type of difficult is applicable.

And for what it is worth, I think that being consistent and setting clear boundaries for children is bloody hard work. Much harder than many people will admit.

Yeah and I think the behaviour described in the OP and by Rev is not normal behaviour. Those kids have serious problems, whether medical or just through bad parenting, who knows.

barbiedoll

Comparing a 4 year old with an almost 3 year old is like comparing cats and dogs. You'll (almost) never see a cat that will fetch on command, but it's fairly easy to train a dog to do so.

And so with children, their development means that younger children will have no concept of "right" or "wrong", nor can they be reasoned with in any normal (adult) sense. Hitting or bribing won't work either, they simply lack the mental capacity to equate a deed with a consequence. That's why toddlers will run into the road, jump off the furniture and stick their fingers into plug sockets!

A four year old has a much greater sense of the world and how it works. They have a better command of language and of how to read emotions, i.e. if Mum is cross. They can also be taught how to understand the consequences of bad behaviour, e.g. they will have to go home if they don't stop throwing food.

Sniping at each other about individual parenting choices is like arguing about politics and religion, everyone thinks their opinion is the right one. But I think that we can all agree that OP's nephew is in dire need of either a review of his parent's child-rearing skills, or an assessment by a medical/health professional. All kids have their moments, some are more challenging than others. But spitting and violence are regarded as anti-social behaviour by adults, why should it be different for children? After all, they're going to be adults someday!

notanewuser

j.e.j. wrote: »

Gone are the days when husbands felt the need to discipline their wives. However, children do need to be disciplined.

With a wallop?

Marisco

notanewuser wrote: »

I genuinely don't see the difference. It's all unacceptable in my view.

Is it DV if it only happens once? How come my husband can't smack me but he could (to your mind) smack DD no problem?

As I said, if you cannot see the difference, and obviously you can't, then it's pointless me trying to explain, as whatever I'd say you'd not agree with, and we'd end up on the "Magic Roundabout" just going round and round in circles.

You bring up your kids the way you want, and stop preaching to other folk how they should bring up theirs (and not just you) then everyone will get on much better. Everyone thinks their way is the right way, well it's not, it's what works for individual families that count. If your kid responds to "don't do that darling" fine, and if another responds to a smack on the behind, equally fine, it's not down to you or anyone to tell others how to parent. (Unless they are totally useless, as unfortunately some are!)

notanewuser

j.e.j. wrote: »

I used to draw all over the walls too.. :rotfl:
I remember getting a smack for that too!

You paint on a canvas or a pad, not someone's wall. As I found out

Why would someone be told not to hang a washing line on a plant? Unless she had a crystal ball and knew that I was about to do that (which she obviously didn't).

I've kept DD's first picture on the wall. I say first. It's the only one. He was about 18 months old. She didn't get a smack or a telling off, but we told her not to do it again and removed the possibility by not leaving her unsupervised with colouring pencils! When she sees it she says "when I was a baby I drew on the wall. I don't do that now."

Even so. I wouldn't leave her on her own in a room with something I didn't want her to play with but knew she'd want to. Surely that's just common sense. (I don't have any house plants, yukka or otherwise.)

notanewuser

barbiedoll wrote: »

Comparing a 4 year old with an almost 3 year old is like comparing cats and dogs. You'll (almost) never see a cat that will fetch on command, but it's fairly easy to train a dog to do so.

And so with children, their development means that younger children will have no concept of "right" or "wrong", nor can they be reasoned with in any normal (adult) sense. Hitting or bribing won't work either, they simply lack the mental capacity to equate a deed with a consequence. That's why toddlers will run into the road, jump off the furniture and stick their fingers into plug sockets!

A four year old has a much greater sense of the world and how it works. They have a better command of language and of how to read emotions, i.e. if Mum is cross. They can also be taught how to understand the consequences of bad behaviour, e.g. they will have to go home if they don't stop throwing food.

Sniping at each other about individual parenting choices is like arguing about politics and religion, everyone thinks their opinion is the right one. But I think that we can all agree that OP's nephew is in dire need of either a review of his parent's child-rearing skills, or an assessment by a medical/health professional. All kids have their moments, some are more challenging than others. But spitting and violence are regarded as anti-social behaviour by adults, why should it be different for children? After all, they're going to be adults someday!

I agree with you, but to say that usually a 4 year old only gets to 4 having been through 1, 2 and 3.

thorsoak

notanewuser wrote: »

With a wallop?

The only person talking about walloping or beating with a big stick is you.

notanewuser

thorsoak wrote: »

The only person talking about walloping or beating with a big stick is you.

How does a smack differ?

I'll put it simply. If it's not okay to do it to a another adult, an animal or somebody else's child, then it's not okay to do it to your own.

j.e.j.

notanewuser wrote: »

How does a smack differ?

I'll put it simply. If it's not okay to do it to a another adult, an animal or somebody else's child, then it's not okay to do it to your own.

You do understand that your interaction with adults is not the same as the way you interact with children, right?

:wall:

You wouldn't tell an adult off or send them to their room, either! But you would your own child. Well YOU might not, but most do.