Toddler behaviour

CruisingSaver

geerex wrote: »

Let's hope he has someone else to teach him English. You do realise that you can spell check before you post, don't you?

Thanks for that useful contribution to the discussion *rolls eyes*


You do realise that it is poor 'netiquette' to pull another poster up on their spelling don't you?

bouicca21

Actually its poor netiquette to wander as far from the original posting as we have (for which I am guilty).

I hope OP and Rev can work out what to do ...

CruisingSaver

Yes I hope the OP is able to broach it with her family without WWIII breaking out.


It won't be an easy conversation that's for sure.

FBaby

She might not like it at the time but I don't give in unless it's something that really doesn't matter. She's starting to understand that we don't have pizza and icecream for breakfast and that she can't always have it her own way.

Then in that case, do you really believe that it is your explanation that means that she doesn't act up? Because it isn't, it is because of her disposition. I took the same approach to raising my kids, believed in saying no, but spending the energy to explain it. My DD always accepted it well (and I know now was actually already thinking about how she could get around it by being charming!), whilst my DS threw the biggest tantrums. My DD could have been labeled as an angel (she was!), my DS as a nightmare (he was!).

They are now teenagers and both very well behaved, but whereas my DD doesn't really experience frustration, as she says, she doesn't really care and move on immediately, my son still battles bursts of anger at time at home (never ever elsewhere). He hates it and is working on it, but that's his nature and will probably always be there to some extent, just controled.

So yes, I would agree that your approach is probably the best, but it is not because of it that you have a well behaved child. The mother of the child that throws tantrum might have the exact same one, but a child who reacts to it very differently.

ecgirl07

Mojisola wrote: »

And some poor teacher is going to have to deal with them in the next couple of years!

And other children will have their learning disrupted by them.

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

So yes, I would agree that your approach is probably the best, but it is not because of it that you have a well behaved child. The mother of the child that throws tantrum might have the exact same one, but a child who reacts to it very differently.

I did say somewhere that it was part luck and part approach (nature and nurture).

FBaby

notanewuser wrote: »

I did say somewhere that it was part luck and part approach (nature and nurture).

Well my point is that it is 100% luck, as in you could have the same approach and a child who reacts to it with majestic tantrums at 2 or 3 years old. They would be in the process of learning to cope with frustration but many would see it as very poor behaviour and parental control.

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

Well my point is that it is 100% luck, as in you could have the same approach and a child who reacts to it with majestic tantrums at 2 or 3 years old. They would be in the process of learning to cope with frustration but many would see it as very poor behaviour and parental control.

Its not though, is it? If DD had been exposed to swearing, anger and violence from birth she may well have behaved as the child described in the OP. Nature only goes so far.

GetOut

I've not seen my sister yet but spoken to aunt and uncle and cousins and they've told me my nephew has exhibited this kind of behaviour for a while.
It's their first child and it looks like they have no clue how to discipline and my nephew's possibly slightly difficult character has resulted in this mess.

We're obviously not qualified to decide whether there's any medical problems but everyone agreed they've never seen anything like it. Unfortunately, relatives suffer when they're asked to babysit and nephew behaves like this a lot. Sister and BIL don't want to discuss it which would be fine if people didn't get spat in the face...

He has other issues like taking other people's stuff and not giving it back. My mum was forced to rip toy car he took from a girl out of his hand when no amount of asking, distraction or persuasion worked. She said he was holding onto it so tight that his hand was going white. And then on the next occassion he took my aunt's vase and wouldn't give it back but my sister gave in and let him take it home and brought it back on a different occassion.

He hits a lot, at his parents and other people and doesn't get any sort of punishment for that. I don't know, seems all wrong to me. I wouldn't let my son behave like this, surely there's many non-violent ways to discipline a child to try that might work.

So no solution at this point... Ultimately, people will start refusing to babysit and they'll be left to deal with this alone if they don't nip it in the bud sooner rather than later.

building_with_lego

GetOut wrote: »

...Unfortunately, relatives suffer when they're asked to babysit and nephew behaves like this a lot. Sister and BIL don't want to discuss it which would be fine if people didn't get spat in the face...

...

So no solution at this point... Ultimately, people will start refusing to babysit and they'll be left to deal with this alone if they don't nip it in the bud sooner rather than later.

Surely the beginning of the solution is right there: relatives refuse to babysit, professionals are used instead and either they raise the behavioural issues or they too refuse to babysit. At some point though your sister and brother-in-law WILL have to deal with their son's behaviour.



Am I the only person in the world who doesn't hesitate to reprimand other people's children if the situation demands it? (And often I've found that my own children will accept a rebuke from a stranger better than the same rebuke from me, it's almost as if they believe it to be true if it's not just Mum banging on again.)