Toddler behaviour

GetOut

Merry Christmas eveyone

I have spent the day with all of my family including my sister and her LO who's 32 months old.

Hence my question. Over the whole day my nephew has showed the most bizarre behaviour. It started in the early afternoon with him pulling my hair and trying to slap me. I stopped playing and left the room. Later on as we were in the midst of playing again, he suddenly spat in my face :eek: I was beyond astonished and backed off straight away to which his response was to walk after me and carry on spitting.

Also, throughout the day he kept on walking up to my 6yo son shouting at him and lashing out by kicking and hitting which I allowed none of and quickly took nephew away to one side.

All throughout this my sis and BIL appeared unfazed and there was no punishment or apology of any sorts. I am worried for my nephew, I've brought a child up myself and been in contact with many other toddlers but never someone this violent.

Parents and grandparents, please share. Is this normal tantrum behaviour for some? Did your kids ever behave similarly and grow out of it?

Thanks

notanewuser

GetOut wrote: »

Merry Christmas eveyone

I have spent the day with all of my family including my sister and her LO who's 32 months old.

Hence my question. Over the whole day my nephew has showed the most bizarre behaviour. It started in the early afternoon with him pulling my hair and trying to slap me. I stopped playing and left the room. Later on as we were in the midst of playing again, he suddenly spat in my face :eek: I was beyond astonished and backed off straight away to which his response was to walk after me and carry on spitting.

Also, throughout the day he kept on walking up to my 6yo son shouting at him and lashing out by kicking and hitting which I allowed none of and quickly took nephew away to one side.

All throughout this my sis and BIL appeared unfazed and there was no punishment or apology of any sorts. I am worried for my nephew, I've brought a child up myself and been in contact with many other toddlers but never someone this violent.

Parents and grandparents, please share. Is this normal tantrum behaviour for some? Did your kids ever behave similarly and grow out of it?

Thanks

It's not something I've experienced, despite being a gentle parent and being friendly with many others.

Sounds like 2 things to me (medical conditions permitting). 1, he's not getting sufficient attention from parents and/or 2, nobody is telling him what is and isn't acceptable. My DD didn't tantrum or misbehave until she started school this september (she was 4 in october). Now, very occasionally she'll hit out if she isn't getting her own way. I will hold her wrist and tell her very clearly (but calmly) that I won't let her hurt me. I tell her that if she's sad about something we can have a cuddle and work it out, but I won't let her hit.

Worth looking up a woman called Janet Lansbury on Facebook - she has a lot of experience and ways to deal with difficult behaviour respectfully.

Good luck.

Blackpool_Saver

Well, it's a choice really isn't it, he is either in an abuse situation himself, copying it from nursery school, or he is not well. Did you discuss it with your relatives?

pickledonionspaceraider

GetOut wrote: »

Merry Christmas eveyone

I have spent the day with all of my family including my sister and her LO who's 32 months old.

Hence my question. Over the whole day my nephew has showed the most bizarre behaviour. It started in the early afternoon with him pulling my hair and trying to slap me. I stopped playing and left the room. Later on as we were in the midst of playing again, he suddenly spat in my face :eek: I was beyond astonished and backed off straight away to which his response was to walk after me and carry on spitting.

Also, throughout the day he kept on walking up to my 6yo son shouting at him and lashing out by kicking and hitting which I allowed none of and quickly took nephew away to one side.

All throughout this my sis and BIL appeared unfazed and there was no punishment or apology of any sorts. I am worried for my nephew, I've brought a child up myself and been in contact with many other toddlers but never someone this violent.

Parents and grandparents, please share. Is this normal tantrum behaviour for some? Did your kids ever behave similarly and grow out of it?

Thanks

I think you handled it quite well. I have seen the odd bit of toddler hair pulling , generally from children quite a bit younger than the little chap in question.

I am sorry to say this, but at this age, unless there is some kind of medical condition involved, it is down to bad parenting - as demonstrated by the parents sitting there and letting the child carry on being violent to the extent that you had to intervene, and still they sat there

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I have to agree that he has learned spitting in the face is mean. Hitting and kicking, whilst unacceptable, could be toddler behaviour carried on into preschooler time. But spitting? He's experienced it somehow: a frustrated an angry kid can hit, it's a human instinct that needs to be trained out of him; not gobbing in someone's face.

However, maybe the parents are trying to ignore it in the hope not rewarding it with attention makes it less attractive. Have a nice chat - something like 'DS was a bit upset about the kicking and spitting, so I've told him that it's best to ignore it and walk away, rather than give attention and make a big fuss - but I wanted to check with you if you thought I could explain it a bit better than that?'

Of course, if they get defensive or anxious, I'd be keeping a closer eye on things, but you'll be likely to get a 'yes, it's been since he started at nursery, the teacher said...'

*max*

Can you not talk to your sister about him?

System

As all this was happening did you tell him that was wrong or just walk away ?

jaydeeuk1

Does the kid get smacked by parents? If so no wonder he hits out.

GetOut

Thanks for all the replies

In answer to most hopefully, he doesn't go to a nursery, almost all parenting is done by sis and BIL, an occasional day with grandparents. He hardly sees any kids so again, he probably couldn't have learnt this from them which is worrying to me.

I think he might be showing signs of ASD, been thinking about it last night. I struggle to understand him, his speech seems OK but unless it's something repetative and he's learnt well like a rhyme I cannot understand what he's saying. And I pray it's this rather than some sort of abuse because things don't feel right to me.

I gave my sister a few looks like, what on earth?.. Then later I asked if nephew was OK but she dismissed all of his behaviour. They either see it every day or she was too embarrased cause there were lots of people or this is their way of parenting. I spoke to my mum and said, my son did not know what spitting was at that age and she agreed it wasn't right but people seem to try to justify it or stay out of it as not to upsetting anyone.

Never seen nephew get smacked in front of me. But then they always try to pretend everything is perfect so they'd never do that. As he hit and spat all I said was no, you cannot do that, I won't play with you anymore and walked away. I didn't feel I could say much to be honest, he's not mine.

I'd love to discuss this with my sister but I'll either get a silence treatment or my head bitten off. She won't take well to someone pointing out something isn't right. I guess all I can do is keep an eye on things. I'm so worried for him, he just doesn't seem the happy laughing bundle of joy my son was at that age or any age really

Alikay

I don't think it's especially normal for a 2.5 year old to behave like that, but it certainly isn't normal to let it go uncorrected. Even if the parents are going with the "ignore bad/praise good behaviour" technique, violent behaviour needs stopping. A child of that age being so agressive would alert me to sensory issues such as ADHD or autistic spectrum disorders, especially in a highly stimulating environment like a family christmas gathering, but there could be lots of reasons for it.

barbiedoll

Does your sister not take him to playgroups or anywhere else where he can interact with other children? He will have a hard time settling into pre-school or infant school if he doesn't start to socialise soon.

It may be worth pointing out to your sister that there are times when a step-back and ignore approach is appropriate (toddler tantrums because they can't wear their wellies in bed) and when it's not (spitting, violence.) I don't know if your sister has read any parenting books but I meet a lot of parents who have this idea that you can reason with a toddler during their bad behaviour and that they will listen, and then learn that such behaviour is unacceptable. As many of us who have children will know, this doesn't always work!

Do they let him watch inappropriate television programmes or video games? If his dad plays violent games on a console in the living room, your nephew may have picked up such behaviour from watching them.

Personally, I'd speak to your sister, if she goes silent or has an issue with it, then that's her problem. She may not realise that his behaviour is not "normal", if she doesn't see any other kids, she probably thinks that it is acceptable for young children to do this, it's part of their "development" etc. And for goodness' sake, encourage her to get him out to meet other kids. Most towns have playgroups in church halls and other meeting places, he needs to learn how to play. If she won't go because she's embarrassed by his behaviour, then she needs to speak to someone who can give her some help with it. Her health visitor would be a good start.