Toddler behaviour

pinkshoes

GetOut wrote: »

All throughout this my sis and BIL appeared unfazed and there was no punishment or apology of any sorts. I am worried for my nephew, I've brought a child up myself and been in contact with many other toddlers but never someone this violent.

I very much doubt this is ASD.

It is highly likely down to poor parenting.

If my son behaved in this manner, and spat at or kicked someone, i would firmly tell him no, explain to him what he did wrong, and tell him the consequences if he did it again, then make him apologise.

Sadly not all parents are nothered by their children's behaviour.

As a teacher i am amazed at how many kids have clearly had no one say no to them or tell them off!

I would make sure that next time it happens, you tell the child off yourself before walking away. If your sister doesn't like this, then at least you tried.

kt1inamillion

I have 3 children the youngest is 20 months old. He hits me but I firmly tell him no and walk away. I know he's trying to communicate but he as at the age where they have some sort of understanding.

The hardest thing I found were family members laughing whilst he done it. Now he has started doing it to them they want me to stop him!!! I take it's not funny when the show is on the other foot.

Do they realise the behaviour he is doing? Maybe you could go along the line of pointing it out and saying something like... "I'm not judging but I think it needs to be nipped in the bud asap as when he starts nursery they wont stand for the behaviour and you don't want to be called all the time and I'm sure you want him to enjoy himself."

notanewuser

You've reminded me. My PIL look after several of my nieces and nephews together. One was being picked on (and clobbered) by one of the older ones. Little one was around 10 months old; older one would have been around 26 months. Rather than do anything about the older one, my FIL taught the little one how to hit back. When called out on it he responded "well she will know how to handle herself at school". _pale_

Blackpool_Saver

Some very interesting replies to this post.....eyebrows on the ceiling here

KARO

It doesn't sound like normal behaviour, from the child nor from the parents! I would keep visits to a minimum until things improve.

bouicca21

Has this child met all his milestones? I have known a child behave in a similarly spiteful way; she had learning difficulties and didn't know how to interact so it seemed to be caused by frustration. Mind you she was older. Spitting is surely a learned action, and it is deeply weird that they seem to think such behaviour is acceptable.

Abuse, attention seeking, learning difficulties, lack of boundaries (or boundaries that constantly shift) - it could be any of these. But to analyse any further you probably need to know whether it is common behaviour or a one off.

Blackpool_Saver

If this is a child who does not socialise with peers, where is he learning the spitting?

indsty

Other people's children are a minefield aren't they?! I wonder if he is like this all the time - or was the Christmas noise/presents/people etc just a bit too much for him. You could approach your sister with a comment such as "I don't want to muddle Johnny up, so i wondered what you tend to do when he hits out or spits, have you got a good strategy?" A little tongue in cheek maybe but it could open the conversation.

j.e.j.

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

If this is a child who does not socialise with peers, where is he learning the spitting?

tv? films? Some folks aren't fussy about what they let their child watch.

Once he starts pre-school (if he goes to one) his behaviour will be more noticeable to teachers and other parents, and his parents will have to wake up and smell the coffee. But for now they are able to look the other way and pretend nothing's wrong.

GetOut

They live in the middle of nowhere, 4 miles drive on a sand road full of potholes so trips out are as limited as possible I guess. I know he did go to a child's birthday recently but I think those time are rare. No computer games.

I do know that spitting has obviously been learnt from someone and that's worrying, who'd do such a thing?

They've mentioned of never saying no cause it's a negative in the past, but I don't think they stick to it, at least not fully anymore. I've heard them say no for other reasons.

Nephew seems very rigid in the way he likes things, like my sis taking him for a nap, if it's BIL then we'll hear screaming and crying for well over half an hour. He can recite a whole poem but then will only speak in one or two words and it's not very comprehensible. Maybe I'm seeing what isn't there because how bizarrely he behaved yesterday.

I can't tell my sister anything without her taking an offence and thinking I'm criticising, she's not an easy person to talk to. We don't visit that often since they live far away, I'll see what he's like next time we see him later on this holiday. If there is something wrong I feel it's my responsibility to at least say something, no matter how badly received. My mum on the other hand refuses to talk about it and says there's nothing wrong. Maybe there's something I don't know but things don't feel right.