Toddler behaviour

notanewuser

meritaten wrote: »

this is down to parents being hoodwinked by so called 'child experts' spouting psychobabble about 'labelling', constricting behaviour, inhibiting natural childhood behaviours, etc. and the frowning upon of ANY disciplinary measures.

Which "experts" exactly advocate NO disciplinary measures?

meritaten wrote: »

young children cannot be reasoned with, they need boundaries and they need consequences - because we see the results of a generation of children who have grown up without this - they are the ones subject to ASBOs, they are the ones teachers cant control, they are the ones running around the streets at all hours making neighbours lives a misery.

I completely agree with you. But a 2 year old is incapable of understanding what the naughty step is all about, or why they've had something taken off them. My niece would have her legs or bottom slapped at 2 if she didn't eat all of her dinner. A dinner dished out by an adult, who has no idea how hungry she is. She'd be sent to her room for refusing to give up a toy to her sister when told to by an adult. Hardly fair unless her parents are prepared to explain to her why her sister's needs and wants are more important than hers. This has manifested itself in sibling issues where the older sibling will dole out "punishment" on her sister. You can't possibly believe this is a positive thing!

meritaten wrote: »

They also seem to exhibit 'hyper' behaviour - and this is, I believe, down to the sheer amount of 'junk' that they eat.

I'm horrified by the amount of junk some children eat. You should see what RCT considers appropriate lunch for children!

meritaten wrote: »

sorry for the rant - but some of the replies on here have really pushed my buttons - some posters seem to disapprove of the mildest of disciplinary measures! I just wonder how their kids behave!

Who has said that? In our case we've probably been partly lucky and partly a bit more clued up about age appropriate discipline. We've always modelled the behaviour we want DD to follow (the most powerful tool parents have) and explained clearly what is acceptable and what isn't. Usually we've found any sudden "bad behaviour" is linked to low blood sugar, easily alleviated by a piece of fruit. We'll happily remove DD from places if she's not able to behave appropriately (not that we've had to, but we're always prepared to).

thorsoak

meritaten wrote: »

I hate being one of those old ladies who say 'Kids never behaved like that in MY day'. But, I think I must. it wasn't just because parents were very quick with a 'slap', but I really don't think that some children these days are subject to ANY discipline at home. Kids seem to rule the roost these days. and this is down to parents being hoodwinked by so called 'child experts' spouting psychobabble about 'labelling', constricting behaviour, inhibiting natural childhood behaviours, etc. and the frowning upon of ANY disciplinary measures. young children cannot be reasoned with, they need boundaries and they need consequences - because we see the results of a generation of children who have grown up without this - they are the ones subject to ASBOs, they are the ones teachers cant control, they are the ones running around the streets at all hours making neighbours lives a misery.
They also seem to exhibit 'hyper' behaviour - and this is, I believe, down to the sheer amount of 'junk' that they eat. Yes, I am coming across as a miserable old beetch, but, I was brought up in the 1950s by very old-fashioned parents and although my own kids had a more relaxed style of parenting from myself and OH - we still believed in boundaries and rules and consequences. and I am very proud of my kids - good, law-abiding kids who are now raising their own families.
sorry for the rant - but some of the replies on here have really pushed my buttons - some posters seem to disapprove of the mildest of disciplinary measures! I just wonder how their kids behave!

:T:T:T:T:T Well said, Meri ......I'm another who believes that sometimes, applied psychology (applied to the appropriate portion of the anatomy) is the correct procedure. I know for certain that at least one user of the site will vent her disapproval strongly - but I've never known a cat or dog not to correct her young physically when necessary - sometimes more than a growl is essental!

j.e.j.

People who are against smacking a naughty child on the bum tend to fall into 2 broad categories:


The ones who've got no children of their own (hence no hands-on experience) and who've been reading text-books about the best way to bring up a child.

Those who prefer to control the kid(s) through manipulation and psychological menacing! Far more dangerous and long-lasting than a quick smack, in my opinion.

Marisco

Spot on Meri!

notanewuser

j.e.j. wrote: »

People who are against smacking a naughty child on the bum tend to fall into 2 broad categories:


The ones who've got no children of their own (hence no hands-on experience) and who've been reading text-books about the best way to bring up a child.

Those who prefer to control the kid(s) through manipulation and psychological menacing! Far more dangerous and long-lasting than a quick smack, in my opinion.

I fall into neither. Theory disproved.

How do you define "naughty", by the way?

I don't think there are any big words or concepts in here that you would struggle to understand. Have a read.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/08/16/why-shouldnt-you-spank-your-kids-heres-9-reasons/

j.e.j.

notanewuser wrote: »

I fall into neither. Theory disproved.

You happen to have ONE child who (at the moment at least) happens to be well-behaved.

Give it time..



Having read some of your posts I should also say you seem to be 'a bit different' anyway.. No Christmas, no santa claus.. poor little mite

notanewuser

j.e.j. wrote: »

You happen to have ONE child who (at the moment at least) happens to be well-behaved.

Give it time..

Ooh, I'd best buy a big stick soon as I can just in case there's a beast within. :rotfl::rotfl:

notanewuser

Eg. One child mentioned on this thread was swearing at others. He could only have learned that from being exposed to it at home. Parents at fault for a) exposing him to it and b) not doing anything about it. I try not to swear in front of DD because I don't want her to do it. A friend allows her 4 year old to swear at home but not outside (no, I don't understand that either). If I go around f'ing and blinding all the time would I be surprised when DD did it? No. Any embarrassment should be mine because it would be my fault she did it. (She's actually going through a phase of saying "for goodness sakes" which is something my mum says to my dad about a million times a day. :rotfl: Proof that they are sponges and will absorb what they see and hear.)

j.e.j.

notanewuser wrote: »

Ooh, I'd best buy a big stick soon as I can just in case there's a beast within. :rotfl::rotfl:

You see, you seem to go from the sublime to the ridiculous. Typical teenage-rebellion mentality.

Who said anything about a big stick? No-one.

moomoomama27

In my experience, I have three children, several nieces and nephews and have worked in early years for a long time. While this behaviour does appear on the extreme end of 2.5 year old behaviours, it's not something I haven't come across!

There are several factors that could cause this type if behaviour.
1. Tiredness
2. Impending illness (viral etc.)
3. Excitement, due to Christmas.
4. Boundaries not being clearly set.
5. Attention seeking
6. Mixed parenting, being sent different messages.
7. Bad parenting.

All of the above easily remedied IF your SIL/BIL are willing to see that your nephew needs a little guidance. Firm boundaries, consequences and plenty of love and attention.

It's a very tricky topic to confront, parenting. Most people become quite defensive when anything slightly negative is bought up. Depending on how close you are, or if you could confide in someone who is close to your sister, perhaps a talk might be something to consider?

If it is her first child, she probably doesn't have much experience in toddler behaviours, so may just think it's the terrible twos. A good non confrontational talk about childrens behaviours in general may work?