Toddler behaviour

sooty&sweep

None of this surprises me as toddler behaviour as toddlers can do some fairly horrible stuff.
The thing that surprises me is that the parents didn't reprimand to say No thats not acceptable behaviour.
How does a child learn what is & isn't acceptable if no one tells them ?
Jen

j.e.j.

GetOut wrote: »

I can't tell my sister anything without her taking an offence and thinking I'm criticising, she's not an easy person to talk to. We don't visit that often since they live far away, I'll see what he's like next time we see him later on this holiday. If there is something wrong I feel it's my responsibility to at least say something, no matter how badly received. My mum on the other hand refuses to talk about it and says there's nothing wrong. Maybe there's something I don't know but things don't feel right.

Grandparents in denial is not unusual. I've seen it happen when a child has obvious behavioural and developmental problems, for the gran to brush it aside and say 'oh they're just being a bit naughty'.

If you're concerned (as I think I would be!) then by all means talk to your sister and brother in law, but I have a feeling that until he gets to school and sees teachers and professionals who deal with kids day in day out, they'll probably deny there's anything wrong with the boy.

notanewuser

You can do positive parenting while still enforcing boundaries.

meritaten

I think its difficult to define 'normal' behaviour - it has such a wide range. However, I have both Neurotypical children and grandchildren and those on the Autistic Spectrum (in varying degrees). I would say that I too, would find this behaviour a bit extreme, but what really shocks me is the lack of reaction of the parents. No child or grandchild of mine would ever be allowed to behave this way to cousins, siblings or strangers. they would have been removed from the situation immediately. even if that meant the family going home!

as has already been pointed out - you cannot reason with a twoand half year old. BUT - they can understand 'conseguences'. like 'Spit at people and you are taken out of the room'. do it again and 'We go home and you miss all the fun'.
It is very difficult for you if your sis refuses to acknowledge his behaviour is bad - but maybe you need to apply the 'consequences' lesson to her too. if her child is behaving badly then YOUR children wont play with him will they? and you need to tell her why.

jennyo

The poor boy seems to live an isolated life, could he have been stressed by the situation, it doesn't sound like he gets many opportunities to socialise, or go to different places, poor little chap, hope you can help him.

Kayalana99

I've got a 2.5year old who I would of said is quite naughty...but not as bad as described here.

Start with the speech, you keep mentioning this...kids are going to learn at their own rate, I know that their are children that can talk a lot more then my son but he has really come on the last month or two and whilst I couldn't hold a conversation with him he will only say 2 word sentences 'drink please' 'where are you' 'Big hug' at this stage I wouldn't be to worried about that?

Mine is hitting and hang banging are the main things but always pushs the boundaries...he knows he's not aloud to do things but does them as fast as possible before I can stop him and I've removed his dummy from him, toys, been stern with him...but he thinks it's funny (well the dummy upsets him but he doesn't always have this to take away obv)

I would think that the parents should of told him off...but at the same time as in my case he just thinks it's even funnier so I'm really thinking of just removing him from situation and ignoring him so he isn't getting the attention? It's so hard to know what to do. I can't remove him from the room itself because he sees this as a reward...ooo new room!! kind of thing...

He pulled a wire out the sky box one day last week and my OH was pretty stern and told him off and he went 'HELLO!!' full blast.....and yea my OH had to turn around so he couldn't see him laughing...

Blackpool_Saver

have we really sunk to this level, the replies I mean.............

Tygermoth

Blackpool saver. instead of hinting at your disapproval in a passive aggressive way just come out with your opinion.

I am sure we all await with bated breath.

notanewuser

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I've got a 2.5year old who I would of said is quite naughty...but not as bad as described here.

Start with the speech, you keep mentioning this...kids are going to learn at their own rate, I know that their are children that can talk a lot more then my son but he has really come on the last month or two and whilst I couldn't hold a conversation with him he will only say 2 word sentences 'drink please' 'where are you' 'Big hug' at this stage I wouldn't be to worried about that?

Mine is hitting and hang banging are the main things but always pushs the boundaries...he knows he's not aloud to do things but does them as fast as possible before I can stop him and I've removed his dummy from him, toys, been stern with him...but he thinks it's funny (well the dummy upsets him but he doesn't always have this to take away obv)

I would think that the parents should of told him off...but at the same time as in my case he just thinks it's even funnier so I'm really thinking of just removing him from situation and ignoring him so he isn't getting the attention? It's so hard to know what to do. I can't remove him from the room itself because he sees this as a reward...ooo new room!! kind of thing...

He pulled a wire out the sky box one day last week and my OH was pretty stern and told him off and he went 'HELLO!!' full blast.....and yea my OH had to turn around so he couldn't see him laughing...

Has he pulled the wire out before? Does he know it's something he shouldn't do or is he just exploring? If it's something he's doing repeatedly, can't you do something so that he can't get to the box?

What other things is he doing that he's not allowed to do? Does he know you don't want him to do it? He won't understand you punishing him by removing his dummy from him. Have you tried explaining why he shouldn't be climbing up the curtains or whatever it is he's doing?

It's possible he's doing it to get attention (he has a younger sibling, doesn't he?). Toddlers don't differentiate between positive and negative attention.

I wouldn't be removing anything from him though. It's likely to make things worse. There are other ways to deal with it.

notanewuser

As for learning spitting, surely we all teach our children to spit out toothpaste? We had to teach DD to spit out phlegm she coughed up instead of swallowing. We've never taught her to spit AT anyone though!