Boyfriend disclosed he visited a prostitute in India one year before we got together

DUTR

j.e.j. wrote: »

I am not sure he picked up anything, but if it were me I would be concerned.

Regarding the 2nd part of your sentence, you surely must realise the risk of someone getting hep C and an array of other diseases and infections is significantly higher for sex-workers (and those who have used them) than it is for people who have not. One of the things they ask you in the questionnaire if you go to give blood is have you slept with a prostitute.

You should NOT give blood for 12 months after sex with...

• A commercial sex worker.
• Anyone who has ever injected themselves with drugs.
• Anyone of any race who has been sexually active in parts of the world where AIDS/HIV is very common.

A cheap prostitute in India could feasibly count for all three of the above^^.


He was putting himself (and by proxy the OP) at huge risk.

I'm not defending what he did, that is up to him, what I am saying is that I still don't get what te OP's issue is, yes there maybe a higher risk , however it would be very naive to think that the next future partner may not have a history or that a next partner may have similar concerns (herpes?) over the OP (or any of the readers here).

j.e.j.

She seems to be shocked at his laissez-faire attitude towards women being exploited, and moreover, him playing a part in that exploitation, if I've understood it correctly.

DUTR

j.e.j. wrote: »

She seems to be shocked at his laissez-faire attitude towards women being exploited, and moreover, him playing a part in that exploitation, if I've understood it correctly.

Well she should just dump him, if she really feels that way, but she hasn't said what the beef is . As others have pointed out, any precariat or working class person is exploited in some way.

The STI is just senselationism and a cover for the real concern from where I'm sitting.

itsanne

If you go back to the opening post, the OP was very clear what her concerns are.

She is disturbed by what he did, both because she doesn't like it and because she wouldn't have expected it of him so she feels as if she doesn't really know him any more. It seems to me to be the latter which is at the root of her difficulty but people have been side-tracked into the whole morality of prostitution issue.

STIs weren't mentioned.

DUTR

itsanne wrote: »

If you go back to the opening post, the OP was very clear what her concerns are.

She is disturbed by what he did, both because she doesn't like it and because she wouldn't have expected it of him so she feels as if she doesn't really know him any more. It seems to me to be the latter which is at the root of her difficulty but people have been side-tracked into the whole morality of prostitution issue.

STIs weren't mentioned.

The closing question in the opening post though was "has anyone else's partner been to a 3rd world country and visited a prostitute"
which somehow reads that it would have been ok if he had visited a local pro in a developed country.

itsanne

DUTR wrote: »

The closing question in the opening post though was "has anyone else's partner been to a 3rd world country and visited a prostitute"
which somehow reads that it would have been ok if he had visited a local pro in a developed country.

I read it that that was because her bigger concern was the exploitation of the prostitute rather than using one per se so she wondered how other people reconciled that aspect. Her boyfriend's sexual experiences before he was with her isn't her issue: his willingness to exploit someone in a third world country is.

DUTR

itsanne wrote: »

I read it that that was because her bigger concern was the exploitation of the prostitute rather than using one per se so she wondered how other people reconciled that aspect. Her boyfriend's sexual experiences before he was with her isn't her issue: his willingness to exploit someone in a third world country is.

It's where the topic goes around in circles. Nowadays red light areas with folk on the street are less so, as people work from parlours or by appointment. In the Netherlands the girls in the windows are imported from reports read.
People get exploited in a host of ways, when they are from a priveledged background the name changes to call girl.
Then again 'models' / dancers laugh at the blokes who pay a princely sum to see them naked etc.

mgdavid

itsanne wrote: »

I read it that that was because her bigger concern was the exploitation of the prostitute rather than using one per se so she wondered how other people reconciled that aspect. Her boyfriend's sexual experiences before he was with her isn't her issue: his willingness to exploit someone in a third world country is.

...but he was in India, yes? What was he supposed to do, fly one in from Paris?

itsanne

DUTR wrote: »

It's where the topic goes around in circles. Nowadays red light areas with folk on the street are less so, as people work from parlours or by appointment. In the Netherlands the girls in the windows are imported from reports read.
People get exploited in a host of ways, when they are from a priveledged background the name changes to call girl.
Then again 'models' / dancers laugh at the blokes who pay a princely sum to see them naked etc.

I agree, but none of that is addressing the OP's initial concern - which is one I think she's going to have to work through for herself.

itsanne

mgdavid wrote: »

...but he was in India, yes? What was he supposed to do, fly one in from Paris?

Abstain?.....

ETA especially as he was trying to persuade the OP into a long term relationship.