Coping with Xmas Day - help please

SingleSue

I'm having a similar issue with my youngest son (complex autistic) this Christmas. We always go to my parent's house for the day and despite everything being very well planned and organised (we have timings for everything and it all happens at the time it should), he is not a people person at all and is wanting out (not possible, he also needs to be monitored for health reasons)

His ideal Christmas would be waking up at 1 in the afternoon, grabbing a sandwich and then hiding away in his room for the rest of the day, possibly talking to someone else for a few minutes during the entire day.

His Aspergic middle brother however, is the polar opposite!

We know and understand youngest finds it diffiult to be sociable and once present opening has been concluded (first thing on the list in the morning), we have an upstairs room put by for him to have de stress and calm alone time to help him get by. Not sure he is going to get his wished for sandwich though! We also have a set leaving time, so he knows when he is going to get home...important to me too as I am usually blooming shattered by that time!

At first, we found it difficult to understand and there were a few err, eek Christmas days, so we scaled back our expectations of youngest and in the last few years we have gone from youngest eating in a seperate room to the rest of us, hiding himself away etc, to him eating at the table and joining us at points during the day. He's been happier (until this year), my parents are happier, the day is a lot calmer but newcomers to the family still find it slightly strange that there is a child sequestered away upstairs and not really joining in apart from at odd times of the day.

I think this year is different as he has had a lot of changes in a very short space of time and he is reflecting that by withdrawing from life. All he wants to do right now is hide away, not just at Christmas but from every social interaction that might occur just so he can get by socially at school.

I am also the only driver and I have not had a drink on Christmas day for years, generally over the festive period, I only drink on New Years eve. Fine by me, saves oodles of cash not just on taxis but also on alcohol.

FBaby

This thread saddens me, that so many people seems unprepared to make an effort to make the ones they love happy for just one day. We then wonder why so many relationships fail I am happy that my OH accepts that being with me comes with 99% good and 1% not so good and he takes the 1% with a smile on his face. I know when he makes an effort to make me happy and it means everything to me. I hope he thinks the same of me. I suppose it is another thread about what compromise should be all about.

staffordshire_girl

I would say your asking this on here is one desperate in a nice way, and two not discussed with the right people.

Reading between the lines I get the impression that you are one of life's nice people who often puts your own happiness behind that of others and if that is the case you need to address this.

It's no good coming on here hoping for divine inspiration, you need to change thing's to suit you better, I would suggest baking some cupcakes with cannabis in them :rotfl:to start the day off, but failing that talk to your husband explain how you feel and get him to talk to the outlaw's, and between you agree a plan, just don't give in too him just to keep the piece, maybe put him on a promise:j

You should enjoy both Christmas and the New year and remember them for the right reasons not the wrong ones, you probably know the right answer to this issue, you just need to speak up

Good luck and Happy Christmas:beer:

Skintski

It's once every two years, I'm amazed that there are people so selfish that they can't put themselves out for their OH for that tiny length of time and you are willing to potentially spoil their traditions by not bothering to dress up when they have been good enough to invite you both along.

Mojisola

Skintski wrote: »

It's once every two years, I'm amazed that there are people so selfish that they can't put themselves out for their OH for that tiny length of time and you are willing to potentially spoil their traditions by not bothering to dress up when they have been good enough to invite you both along.

I think most people can put up with something every two years but also see it from the other side - why can't the in-laws be more willing to adjust their traditional day to make life easier for their visitors?

After all, they only have to do things differently once every two years but a couple of small changes could mean that their visitors could leave at a reasonable time for the journey home.

Skintski

Mojisola wrote: »

I think most people can put up with something every two years but also see it from the other side - why can't the in-laws be more willing to adjust their traditional day to make life easier for their visitors?

After all, they only have to do things differently once every two years but a couple of small changes could mean that their visitors could leave at a reasonable time for the journey home.

Why should they? This is their family Xmas in their own home. "When in Rome" and all that. I wouldn't expect anyone who had invited me over to change their day for me. They have invited the OP and their Son over, it's not mandatory to attend but something that the OP should be flexible over to please their OH particularly since it's been stated that they have no interest in Christmas themselves and so don't have any traditions that require fulfilling.

FBaby

Because OP has said she is not bothered by the whole thing, so her way would probably not be very festive at all.

And it does sound like they are making adjustments for OP, at least her OH if they are going later.

heartbreak_star

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

I couldn't have help noticing that you said the in-laws won't go out for Xmas dinner as they don't like people working on Xmas day, but they still go to the pub where there's bar staff working. How hypocritical!

That was my immediate thought too.

HBS x

Lioness_Twinkletoes

DFlights wrote: »

They rang last night while OH was out, and I was half an hour into a film. I was okay, said that OH would be reachable on his mobile, but then got twenty questions about the film I was watching - I just wanted to get back to watching it, not answer questions on it!

Oh the b@stards! Wanting to chat to you and be polite instead of getting off the phone!

You do sound very self centered and inconsiderate to me.

FatVonD

Peter333 wrote: »

We are working people, we are adults, and I don't see why we should be dictated to by some family member who insists on sticking to their traditions. OUR traditions are to stay in OUR home, and have Christmas with just the two of us and our daughter who still lives at home.

Totally agree with this, unfortunately my inlaws insist on calling all the shots and manipulating everyone to do what they want to do without giving it a thought that we are a family unit ourselves and might like to spend Christmas in our own home with our own children.