Coping with Xmas Day - help please

Pollycat

FatVonD wrote: »

DH was agreeing to it in the background and I was put on the spot and would have looked like the difficult one again if I didn't agree, (don't want to go into too much detail but we've already fallen out recently with him writing me a foul letter calling me a bully etc etc.) so that's what we're doing.

What???

Have I got this right?

You're spending Christmas in the company of someone who wrote you a letter calling you a bully?

Here's hoping that Santa has a good stock of backbone in his sack 'cos it sounds like a lot of people need it.

Maybe I'm selfish but I've never spent Christmas anywhere and with anyone that I didn't actually want to.

FBaby

So much drama for one day a year, honestly, do people have nothing more to worry about than having to bear people who are their loved one's loved ones?

When it's not step-mothers moaning about their partner's children, it's partner moaning about his parents (funnily rarely the other way around). You chose your partners and if their families is such an issue and making an effort with them is such a horrendous task, then why getting with them in the first place?

notanewuser

Faith177 wrote: »

Trust me I would love too but OH's mum lays the guilt trip on with several spades and a truck (part of the reason I can't stand her)

We have already had the tears and tanties this year because she was originally only going to have 1 of the 3 sons home at Christmas this year.

Also if we tried to do a house share OH's mum wouldn't travel anywhere as "she doesn't do travelling" and her and her partner wouldn't put their hand in their pocket so we would be stuck with the bill

I meant for the cottage just to be for you and your OH. You can't break the cycle by taking the troublemakers with you!

lazer

Are people really this selfish?


Last year for Christmas - I went to Australia for a week to spend with my in laws because it was what my husband wanted, was it how I ideally wanted to spend Christmas, no, but it was important to my husband and his family.
We had a Christmas dinner with my parents (which I made) before we left for Oz.


My Christmas dinners since my grandparents and other elderly relatives died over 10 years ago, have just been, my mum, dad, brother and me (And OH since we got married), so going to spend it in OZ and having around 15 people for dinner was completely different for me.


This year - we are going to my parents who just live a few mile away, is it what my OH really wants, probably not, but he is happy to do it for me.


Parents won't be around forever, let your OH enjoy time with his family when he has the chance.


Christmas may not be important to you, but it is to your OH's parents, and your OH cares about what they want.

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

So much drama for one day a year, honestly, do people have nothing more to worry about than having to bear people who are their loved one's loved ones?

When it's not step-mothers moaning about their partner's children, it's partner moaning about his parents (funnily rarely the other way around). You chose your partners and if their families is such an issue and making an effort with them is such a horrendous task, then why getting with them in the first place?

I didn't marry my husband's family................... Also, things change.

Mojisola

Faith177 wrote: »

This will be me next year and im dreading it already

I cannot stand OH's mum but as we are spending this year with my mum we have to spend it with them next year

Their idea of Christmas is totally different to my families they just spend the whole day getting plastered and my MIL stressing in the kitchen that no-one is helping but then won't accept any help if offered

Plus at my mums we have a bed and a room at MIL we have to sleep on a concrete floor with a sleeping bag and her poxy grandfather clock striking every 30 mins :mad: Oh yeah and to cap it off she turns the heating off in the front room so we end up freezing our assets

Save up and book a hotel for the night. You can leave their house when it all gets too much and have a comfortable night's sleep.

pickledonionspaceraider

lllllllllllllllach

Mojisola

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

How is that meant to make for a ''Merry Christmas'' - for anyone? Relatives who know OP doesn't want to be there, her OH knows she does not want to be there, and OP herself knows she doesn't want to be there. IT IS ALL FAKE

Time is the most precious commodity which we have, and other people should not make definite demands of it - and neither should you give it away freely, purely just because it is what is expected. Life is too short to martyr yourself every Christmas day. Everyone else is (allegedly) happy, but you are not.

It's not so simple when you're part of a couple and your partner wants to spend Christmas with their parents.

Faith177

notanewuser wrote: »

I meant for the cottage just to be for you and your OH. You can't break the cycle by taking the troublemakers with you!

Mojisola wrote: »

Save up and book a hotel for the night. You can leave their house when it all gets too much and have a comfortable night's sleep.

Cottage idea - OH's mum would become such a nightmare OH would just cave she is that manipulative

We have been having late night "my families all leaving me" phone calls since September and we are going to hers for Christmas Eve so god knows what she would be like if we didn't go at all

I suggested a hotel for when we go up for her 60th in March and from her reaction you would have thought I had told her we were going to stay somewhere else to kill small animals :eek:

OH had her on the phone 3-4 times a day sobbing that he was getting to "distant" from her and as above "all her family is leaving her" and "she's so lonely"

I think i'll just have to suck it up for OH's sake and worst case have a "migrain" to excuse myself for a few hours

I offered to have them down at mine but MIL hates animals so refuses to come to mine because of the dogs and the cats. I said I can keep the dogs out of the way and put the cats upstairs but apparently the journey was going to be just too much ... oh well I offered wont do it again

thorsoak

Faith177 wrote: »

This will be me next year and im dreading it already

I cannot stand OH's mum but as we are spending this year with my mum we have to spend it with them next year

My only hope is that my brother wont be able to get time off and my mum will be on her own and then I will have to go to my mum as she can't possibly be all on her own at Christmas can she

Their idea of Christmas is totally different to my families they just spend the whole day getting plastered and my MIL stressing in the kitchen that no-one is helping but then won't accept any help if offered

As mine we have a few drinks but nothing OTT and everyone just mucks in and gets on with it

Plus at my mums we have a bed and a room at MIL we have to sleep on a concrete floor with a sleeping bag and her poxy grandfather clock striking every 30 mins :mad: Oh yeah and to cap it off she turns the heating off in the front room so we end up freezing our assets

We offered to bring a blow up bed with us as we have a couple but she refused to let us use it and she won't let us have a duvet as it takes up too much space during the day

Just book into a B&B nearby next Christmas - tell her "we can't sleep on the floor any more - but we'll be round in the morning". No excuses - just a statement.