Coping with Xmas Day - help please

Pollycat

lazer wrote: »

Are people really this selfish?

Last year for Christmas - I went to Australia for a week to spend with my in laws because it was what my husband wanted, was it how I ideally wanted to spend Christmas, no, but it was important to my husband and his family.
We had a Christmas dinner with my parents (which I made) before we left for Oz.

My Christmas dinners since my grandparents and other elderly relatives died over 10 years ago, have just been, my mum, dad, brother and me (And OH since we got married), so going to spend it in OZ and having around 15 people for dinner was completely different for me.

This year - we are going to my parents who just live a few mile away, is it what my OH really wants, probably not, but he is happy to do it for me.

Parents won't be around forever, let your OH enjoy time with his family when he has the chance.

Christmas may not be important to you, but it is to your OH's parents, and your OH cares about what they want.

I'm not sure if I'm selfish or not.

However, it's clear that you and your partner don't have the same idea about the ideal Christmas so you both have to compromise.

My OH & I are in total agreement about how we want to spend Christmas.
On our own.
So that's what we do.

So parents won't be around forever. Really?
Like dogs, I thought parents weren't just for Christmas. :rotfl:
Why not spend time with them during the rest of the year?
It's one day out of a year.
Why does everybody feel it necessary to bust a gut trying to please everyone?

FatVonD

Pollycat wrote: »

What???

Have I got this right?

You're spending Christmas in the company of someone who wrote you a letter calling you a bully?

Yup, unbelievable, isn't it? He also said he never wanted to be in my company again and demanded an apology from me.

I actually did ring and apologise to get it over and done with (the last time we fell out it involved a dozen emails and when I didn't reply to the last one he printed them all out and posted them to me so I could have a read and a recap and think about apologising to him and I wanted to nip it in the bud this time, be the bigger person and never see him again) and told DH I wasn't going round there ever again.

Unfortunately they had a big wedding anniversary coming up and DH said he wasn't going without me so I went to keep him happy. I've avoided going round other than big occasions since then but apparently noises are made about 'funny how Fatty always seem to have a migraine when she's coming here' etc. etc.

Mojisola

thorsoak wrote: »

Just book into a B&B nearby next Christmas - tell her "we can't sleep on the floor any more - but we'll be round in the morning". No excuses - just a statement.

Faith177 wrote: »

We have been having late night "my families all leaving me" phone calls since September and we are going to hers for Christmas Eve so god knows what she would be like if we didn't go at all

I suggested a hotel for when we go up for her 60th in March and from her reaction you would have thought I had told her we were going to stay somewhere else to kill small animals :eek:

OH had her on the phone 3-4 times a day sobbing that he was getting to "distant" from her and as above "all her family is leaving her" and "she's so lonely"

And don't answer the phone every time it rings!

FatVonD

I'd just like to point out they don't actually call me Fatty!

Pollycat

Faith177 wrote: »

This will be me next year and im dreading it already

I cannot stand OH's mum but as we are spending this year with my mum we have to spend it with them next year

My only hope is that my brother wont be able to get time off and my mum will be on her own and then I will have to go to my mum as she can't possibly be all on her own at Christmas can she

Their idea of Christmas is totally different to my families they just spend the whole day getting plastered and my MIL stressing in the kitchen that no-one is helping but then won't accept any help if offered

As mine we have a few drinks but nothing OTT and everyone just mucks in and gets on with it

Plus at my mums we have a bed and a room at MIL we have to sleep on a concrete floor with a sleeping bag and her poxy grandfather clock striking every 30 mins :mad: Oh yeah and to cap it off she turns the heating off in the front room so we end up freezing our assets

We offered to bring a blow up bed with us as we have a couple but she refused to let us use it and she won't let us have a duvet as it takes up too much space during the day

If someone made me feel so unwelcome, it would definitely be a hotel/B&B or not visiting at all - despite how needy and clingy she is.

Pollycat

FatVonD wrote: »

Yup, unbelievable, isn't it? He also said he never wanted to be in my company again and demanded an apology from me.

I actually did ring and apologise to get it over and done with (the last time we fell out it involved a dozen emails and when I didn't reply to the last one he printed them all out and posted them to me so I could have a read and a recap and think about apologising to him and I wanted to nip it in the bud this time, be the bigger person and never see him again) and told DH I wasn't going round there ever again.

Unfortunately they had a big wedding anniversary coming up and DH said he wasn't going without me so I went to keep him happy. I've avoided going round other than big occasions since then but apparently noises are made about 'funny how Fatty always seem to have a migraine when she's coming here' etc. etc.

Well, FatVonD, I hope you have the best Christmas you can under the circumstances. :xmassign:

thorsoak

In all this carping and quibbling about Christmas Day I would like to draw the attention of all the posters that at least one member and her family are going to have an absolutely horrendous day - Victory hasn't posted since last week, and we all sincerely hope that the reason for not posting is that her OH is out of ICU after a serious RTA and she is too busy to post and not any other reason - but in any case, she and her family (including her in-laws) are not going to have the best of Christmases.

Suck up your "miserable" Christmases - it will be one day out of 365.

My most miserable Christmas? 2010 - when I knew I had less than 19 days with the man I loved.

mummyroysof3

We have 2 out of 3 sets of parents coming on Xmas morning....neither want to stay for dinner though lol. We eat early at 12ish so I expect I'll not get to enjoy seeing them as I'll be stuck in the kitchen

notanewuser

Faith177 wrote: »

Cottage idea - OH's mum would become such a nightmare OH would just cave she is that manipulative

We have been having late night "my families all leaving me" phone calls since September and we are going to hers for Christmas Eve so god knows what she would be like if we didn't go at all

I suggested a hotel for when we go up for her 60th in March and from her reaction you would have thought I had told her we were going to stay somewhere else to kill small animals :eek:

OH had her on the phone 3-4 times a day sobbing that he was getting to "distant" from her and as above "all her family is leaving her" and "she's so lonely"

I think i'll just have to suck it up for OH's sake and worst case have a "migrain" to excuse myself for a few hours

I offered to have them down at mine but MIL hates animals so refuses to come to mine because of the dogs and the cats. I said I can keep the dogs out of the way and put the cats upstairs but apparently the journey was going to be just too much ... oh well I offered wont do it again

Sounds like it's your OH you need to work on.

Book the cottage. Tell everyone else you won it. Don't listen to the whinging and moaning, go, have a lovely time and prove to them that a) you're adults and b) the world doesn't end if you're not there.

pickledonionspaceraider

thorsoak wrote: »

In all this carping and quibbling about Christmas Day I would like to draw the attention of all the posters that at least one member and her family are going to have an absolutely horrendous day - Victory hasn't posted since last week, and we all sincerely hope that the reason for not posting is that her OH is out of ICU after a serious RTA and she is too busy to post and not any other reason - but in any case, she and her family (including her in-laws) are not going to have the best of Christmases.

Suck up your "miserable" Christmases - it will be one day out of 365.

My most miserable Christmas? 2010 - when I knew I had less than 19 days with the man I loved.

Certainly food for thought there Thorsoak - certainly has put things into prospective for me