Coping with Xmas Day - help please

FBaby

The truth is....YOU have every right to have the Christmas YOU want. You dont have to buy into your partner's or partner's parent's xmas fantasy!
Having said that, you DO have to live with the consequences of being "selfish"!

I think that sums up the whole thread. People are entitled to be selfish, but don't come and moan when you don't like the consequences. If OP's partner doesn't like OP's attitude to spending Christmas with his family, that is also is choice. This is why it all comes down to compromises. Then you have the argument of who should do the compromise. Well there is no fast rules as long as it is equal, but my view is that it makes more sense for one person to make a compromise to benefit more than one than expective a number of people to compromise to suit one person.

As for the statement that we marry our partner, not their family... I would expect a very different view on a step father selfish attitude if he said he wanted to spend Christmas with his partner without her children... after all, he married her, not her family!

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

As for the statement that we marry our partner, not their family... I would expect a very different view on a step father selfish attitude if he said he wanted to spend Christmas with his partner without her children... after all, he married her, not her family!

Completely different in my view. A step parent would (probably) have daily contact with the children if they are young/living at home.

Extended families aren't in any way similar in my experience.

DFlights

I am sorry for those of you without loved ones at nay time of year, let alone Christmas when you'd dearly have them back.

I have had counselling galore, it hasn't helped much - other people are just not my cup of tea.

Because we only have OH's family to visit, and not mine, I was happy to compromise, but sometimes it feels like I'm being used by people so rigid that they can't comprehend a slight change.

I've been trying to be not selfish for years. Sometimes, when I get not even a thankyou for going out of my way, it grates. But I do help people, here I can. And OH's parents are usually okay, it's just the stress levels and complete lack of timing that's a major issue (and the fact that everything has to be done their way, which isn't reciprocated - I never force them to do anything my way, at my house, when they've been).

Anyway, it's reasonably sorted now, and I can look forward to next year when OH and I should hopefully just be spending it together (or maybe with his son as well, as he's not here this year).

Whilst I'll probably no longer post in this thread, just wanted to say thanks for all the replies.

robotrobo

ive got dame den dyke coming for lunch, straight off Pendle hill.:(

Lily-Rose_3

You don't have to justify yourself DFlights, and I hope everything works out well. Not sure what the answer is, but I guess you'll eventually sort something out. Merry Christmas.

maman

Lily-Rose wrote: »

You don't have to justify yourself DFlights, and I hope everything works out well. Not sure what the answer is, but I guess you'll eventually sort something out. Merry Christmas.

And I'd like to add my good wishes. It would seem that OP has real problems with socialising so this is a serious issue for her.


Apologies if it seems like some of us who are related to the Wicked Witch of the West seemed to trivialise your situation.


Your thread has certainly helped to offload about some of the fraught situations we find ourselves in at this time of the year.:)

FBaby

Completely different in my view. A step parent would (probably) have daily contact with the children if they are young/living at home.

Exactly, we are only talking one day of efforts here, surely that's not that much in comparison.

I never force them to do anything my way, at my house, when they've been

You should have to force them, just do what you would normally do and it is then for them to adapt. If they are not prepared to make the effort, then they shouldn't come at all.

purpleshoes_2

My brother is ok. Just heard from him. According to some reports some kids have been killed.

Heartbreaking. Driver had a heart attack at the wheel. Thoughts to all who have lost someone.

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

Exactly, we are only talking one day of efforts here, surely that's not that much in comparison.

Sorry, don't understand what you're trying to say here.

candygirl

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

I would give anything to have my Dad around this Christmas

Me too hun:(:A