Coping with Xmas Day - help please

Metranil_Vavin

Sorry to you too candygirl.

I don't want to derail the thread, but I have been getting on with things okish the last few weeks despite people saying how hard the first Christmas will be without a loved one etc. I thought I was doing ok, until we got the box of Christmas decorations down from the loft last weekend, and in amongst everything were some gift tags which my dad had written to myself and OH

I can honestly say I cried all day. i just couldn't stop, and in fact we had to cancel a couple of dear friends coming for dinner that evening as I just couldn't face anything/anyone.

It's the dreadful club we all join at some point..losing someone much loved to us, and I have so much regret of not making more effort to see my dad in the last few years.

I hope Victory's husband makes a full recovery. I cannot imagine what she must be going through My mother always says that this is a time of year when many dreadful things happen. I always laughed at that, but thinking about it I'm beginning to wonder....

balletshoes

notanewuser wrote: »

I should have mentioned the 8ft xmas tree in the tiny living room, rabbit that lived in the kitchen and enormous farting labrador too.......

I can laugh about it now, but the thought of repeating it gives me goosebumps! :rotfl:

apart from the indoor rabbit, you could be describing my mum's house for christmas dinner :rotfl: - but nobody stresses out about it, we all just muck in and enjoy the complete mayhem for a couple of hours, because thats all it is (we all meet up twice a day on 25th, in the morning at my sister's for family pressie opening, then late afternoon at my mum's for dinner).

balletshoes

Faith177 wrote: »

This will be me next year and im dreading it already

I cannot stand OH's mum but as we are spending this year with my mum we have to spend it with them next year

My only hope is that my brother wont be able to get time off and my mum will be on her own and then I will have to go to my mum as she can't possibly be all on her own at Christmas can she

Their idea of Christmas is totally different to my families they just spend the whole day getting plastered and my MIL stressing in the kitchen that no-one is helping but then won't accept any help if offered

As mine we have a few drinks but nothing OTT and everyone just mucks in and gets on with it

Plus at my mums we have a bed and a room at MIL we have to sleep on a concrete floor with a sleeping bag and her poxy grandfather clock striking every 30 mins :mad: Oh yeah and to cap it off she turns the heating off in the front room so we end up freezing our assets

We offered to bring a blow up bed with us as we have a couple but she refused to let us use it and she won't let us have a duvet as it takes up too much space during the day

see i couldn't do that and pretend all day to be happy - if i don't get a decent sleep i'm a crabby cowbag. So if I was expected to sleep on the floor, i'd be telling the MIL in plenty of time that we'd book a hotel nearby for the night instead.

kerri_gt

notanewuser wrote: »

I should have mentioned the 8ft xmas tree in the tiny living room, rabbit that lived in the kitchen and enormous farting labrador too.......

I can laugh about it now, but the thought of repeating it gives me goosebumps! :rotfl:

:rotfl: This did make me chuckle though I can appreciate it was horrendous at the time. First time OH took me to meet his (very large) family was Xmas - for 3 weeks :eek: In fact it was the first time he'd taken anyone to meet his family so no pressure there... I distinctly remember speaking to my now SIL on xmas morning with her reeling off over the phone what she was warming up courtesy of M&S for the large family gathering later - I also remember that I was feeling most fragile from a few too many the night before, launching the phone back to my now FIL with some hasty excuse before legging it upstairs to (try and subtly) throw up.

This was all after being caught by said FIL snuggled up that morning with OH in the spare room downstairs....since we weren't married and they are very catholic, it wasn't our finest moment - I think the only reason we didn't get a telling off was because it was Christmas

notanewuser

balletshoes wrote: »

apart from the indoor rabbit, you could be describing my mum's house for christmas dinner :rotfl: - but nobody stresses out about it, we all just muck in and enjoy the complete mayhem for a couple of hours, because thats all it is (we all meet up twice a day on 25th, in the morning at my sister's for family pressie opening, then late afternoon at my mum's for dinner).

Sadly being a 500+ mile round trip it's not something we can do for a couple of hours............

balletshoes

notanewuser wrote: »

Sadly being a 500+ mile round trip it's not something we can do for a couple of hours............

you can if you want to - we stay in a hotel near my mum's for 3 or 4 nights at christmas time (we're a 6-hour drive away).

candygirl

A few years ago, i was in a new relationship, and got invited to spend xmas day with his family 60 miles away! I had to put my dogs in kennels for two nights, we had to take our own booze, and cos i'm veggie I was asked to bring my own main meal! I thought nowt of it at the time, until later in the New Year he told me his Mum had asked for £70 for both of us, towards xmas day! Needless to say I opted to spend the few other christmas days with my own family ! Lol xx:rotfl:

notanewuser

balletshoes wrote: »

you can if you want to - we stay in a hotel near my mum's for 3 or 4 nights at christmas time (we're a 6-hour drive away).

We don't want to. If I was going away for xmas, my inlaws' place wouldn't be the first choice!

purpleshoes_2

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Although I am very sorry for people who have lost someone: I am not an advocate of saying 'suck it up, mine is so much worse because of this reason and that reason...' We have no parents to spend Christmas with as they have all passed, but I don't make people feel bad if they are moaning about their parents or in-laws.

Maybe some people would love to have the 'problem' that the OP has, and they think they're lucky to have parents to spend it with, but it's not fair to try and make out that their issue is trivial. The OP is clearly quite upset about this, and I would be too.

We actually hate going anywhere for Christmas and hate anyone coming to us. We used to go and see both sets of parents for a half hour or so each, but luckily, they lived within 3 miles of us, so we could be back for midday. Then the rest of the day (and the Christmas break) was ours.

I also don't think anyone is being selfish by wanting to have Christmas alone with just their partner (and kids if they have any.) The in-laws insisting that everyone does things THEIR way are the selfish ones imo.

I dont have any in laws as Im not married, its just me, my mum and my brother and you know what, Im really thankful that every year we managed to have a fuss free low key christmas.

I was saying to someone elsewhere on the boards that last year on these boards things went a bit mad and I bet its like that a lot, but people were in tatters as they got delivered a turkey crown instead of a turkey

When I used to work in homeless projects one of my bosses had a part time job in asda as he was skint and needed a second job and he told me one year the police had to be called as two people were physically fighting over the last turkey.

All family issues aside, the expectation that people need to have a perfect christmas can put a strain on so many people, I couldnt care less if I had a perfect christmas or a not so perfect christmas. Ive had relationships that have ended at christmas, Ive had family members die just before christmas, theres so many things that can happen that make you realise its just another day, but Id hate to spend it with people who didnt make me happy and vice versa.

Sucking it up is fine I suppose, but nothing worse than having to play happy families when your family isn't actually happy.

meer53

My ex was a bit like the OP. Never wanted to go to see my family at Xmas, always wanted to set a leaving time, even before we'd set off. He was never relaxed when we were at someone elses house on Xmas day (and other occasions too). He didn't like the way the food was cooked, the way things were done etc. To be honest, it made me really miserable and it was such a relief to not have him around at Xmas after we split.