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Coping with Xmas Day - help please
Comments
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My ex was a bit like the OP. Never wanted to go to see my family at Xmas, always wanted to set a leaving time, even before we'd set off. He was never relaxed when we were at someone elses house on Xmas day (and other occasions too). He didn't like the way the food was cooked, the way things were done etc. To be honest, it made me really miserable and it was such a relief to not have him around at Xmas after we split.
To be fair, it was probably just as much of a relief for your ex; to not have to be shoved and dragged from pillar to post, and be forced to play happy families with people he flat out didn't want to be with. Nobody should be made to do things they don't want to do, or go places they don't want to be, just to keep their partner happy.
I have been in a couple of relationships when I was much younger (before I met DH) where I was sometimes emotionally blackmailed into hanging around with people I didn't want to be with. It just made me miserable. No matter how much I said I wasn't happy or comfortable, they didn't care, and still went ahead and did things their way.
So have you thought that your ex was as 'miserable' as you, but for a different reason? And that he is probably as relieved that the relationship ended as you are?Proud to have lost over 3 stone (45 pounds,) in the past year! :j Now a size 14!
You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more!
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Love is about give and take, and provided the in laws are not nasty horrible people, it is one day......suck it up, and do it for your partner.0
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Andypandyboy wrote: »Love is about give and take, and provided the in laws are not nasty horrible people, it is one day......suck it up, and do it for your partner.
By that token, why does the person who wants to go their parents house not 'suck it up' and STAY AT HOME 'for their partner?!' Instead of dragging them to a place they don't want to be; ruining Christmas for them!
It works both ways you know!Proud to have lost over 3 stone (45 pounds,) in the past year! :j Now a size 14!
You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more!0 -
By that token, why does the person who wants to go their parents house not 'suck it up' and STAY AT HOME 'for their partner?!' Instead of dragging them to a place they don't want to be; ruining Christmas for them!
It works both ways you know!
Christmas is for families and family interaction. If spending one day with their partner family for their partner sake, will ruin Christmas (which is more than just one day) then I think they are in a very strange relationship. People in relationships give and take and acknowledge what is important to the other, they make sacrifices. Above all, they talk about it and try to reach a compromise.
The OP has not given any detail which would mean it was too much to ask, ....0 -
Andypandyboy wrote: »Christmas is for families and family interaction. If spending one day with their partner family for their partner sake, will ruin Christmas (which is more than just one day) then I think they are in a very strange relationship. People in relationships give and take and acknowledge what is important to the other, they make sacrifices. Above all, they talk about it and try to reach a compromise.
The OP has not given any detail which would mean it was too much to ask, ....
Actually, xmas can be whatever you want it to be for.Trying to be a man is a waste of a woman0 -
Andypandyboy wrote: »Christmas is for families and family interaction. If spending one day with their partner family for their partner sake, will ruin Christmas (which is more than just one day) then I think they are in a very strange relationship. People in relationships give and take and acknowledge what is important to the other, they make sacrifices. Above all, they talk about it and try to reach a compromise.
The OP has not given any detail which would mean it was too much to ask, ....
Maybe you're right that you may have to question the relationship, but the one who doesn't want to go is not in the wrong.
Neither is the one who does.
It's just (unfortunately) a difference of opinion.
I am fortunate that me and DH think exactly the same, as neither of us likes socialising on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day or Boxing Day. Also, we hate having people stay, and we hate going to anyone else's house. We love nothing more than staying home.
As I said, I have had a couple of relationships where I was bullied into doing things and going to places I didn't want to do/go to, and it just made me stressed and miserable.
I have no idea what the solution is to be honest.
At the end of the day; either the OP, or her partner is going to be unhappy. I struggle to see how there can be a happy outcome for both.Proud to have lost over 3 stone (45 pounds,) in the past year! :j Now a size 14!
You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more!0 -
Andypandyboy wrote: »Christmas is for families and family interaction. If spending one day with their partner family for their partner sake, will ruin Christmas (which is more than just one day) then I think they are in a very strange relationship. People in relationships give and take and acknowledge what is important to the other, they make sacrifices. Above all, they talk about it and try to reach a compromise.
The OP has not given any detail which would mean it was too much to ask, ....
She sounds thoroughly miserable though, her in laws christmas seems stressful, who wants or needs that?0 -
By that token, why does the person who wants to go their parents house not 'suck it up' and STAY AT HOME 'for their partner?!' Instead of dragging them to a place they don't want to be; ruining Christmas for them!
It works both ways you know!
The OP and her OH do just that - one Christmas at home, the next one with his family.0 -
The OP and her OH do just that - one Christmas at home, the next one with his family.
I know, but still, if she plain and simple doesn't want to go, then she shouldn't have to really. Even if it IS only every other year.
Like I said, no easy answer.
Proud to have lost over 3 stone (45 pounds,) in the past year! :j Now a size 14!
You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more!0 -
It's one day a year. Put up with it then forget for another year0
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