Coping with Xmas Day - help please

Dozey_crow

Hmmm..I think Ican see why he has an issue with dictating a time. From his perspective, his parents work hard to provide a good meal and follow their traditions. Seting out a leaving time will add to their stress and may also come across as a bit ungrateful.
Having said that I fully understand your predicament and have been in similar myself regarding in-laws. It may be to late for this year but are there any hotels you could stay at locally? This would mean that you can have a drink and also have a bolt hole during the day. I think inspiring they come to you is a good idea a as it reduces your visits to 1in 3. I imagine they will be quite reluctant.. But stick with it!
Otherwise it is a grin and bear it situation as others have said... Just think about your bourbon!

clark24

As dinner is always late, and you can't open your presents before you hve eaten and this is known to be the case, tell them you will arrive at 6pm.

That way you get to spend the majority of the day doing what you want to do, and don't waste your day waiting for them to sober up enough to get dinner on the table...

Mojisola

DFlights wrote: »

Dinner last time we were there was so disorganised, we didn't eat until 8pm. It's not a case of leaving at four or five instead of three, it really is a case of possibly nt getting back on the road until nine or ten.

And they absolutely refuse to have present opening before dinner.

They also go to their local for a few hours, which may explain the stress and lack of organisation, as they're both a bit pie-eyed when they come back, are sometimes late so have to rush everything, and still won't let us do anything, even prepping the veg.

clark24 wrote: »

As dinner is always late, and you can't open your presents before you hve eaten and this is known to be the case, tell them you will arrive at 6pm.

That way you get to spend the majority of the day doing what you want to do, and don't waste your day waiting for them to sober up enough to get dinner on the table...

I think I'd go along with this idea for this year.

74jax

clark24 wrote: »

As dinner is always late, and you can't open your presents before you hve eaten and this is known to be the case, tell them you will arrive at 6pm.

That way you get to spend the majority of the day doing what you want to do, and don't waste your day waiting for them to sober up enough to get dinner on the table...

I'll second that.

m1kjm

DFlights wrote: »

They're okay - I think I said that we get on alright - but hey can be very overbearing and suffocating, even OH says this and he's had way more experience of them than I!

And no, I don't ever want to upset them, but the trouble is that everything - including my leaving time - will be set to their schedule for the day, and they'll take massive offence if I try to get me and OH home at a reasonable time. I've had to put my foot down a little bit before now about being expected to be the free taxi for their son, so I don't want to cause any more fuss. But I also don't want to be walked over about leaving. Cats will be a good reason, as I wouldn't expect anyone else to look after them on Xmas day.

It's true I don't "get" the whole family thing, but I don't want to feel forced, either, which is what this feels like. I didn't actually wholly agree, this year it kind of happened that we're going but thankfully I managed to limit it to just the day.

His family are all very, very touchy-feely too, and get very upset that I'm not, but that really creeps me out and it's hard to express to them that kissing on the lips is reserved only for OH. I don't know, it all just feels very stressful so I need to learn some calming techniques for myself. I think I'm getting worse in myself as I get older, I can see me being a happy hermit when I'm old!

!!!!!!?! That would seriously upset me too. You need to have an upset stomach or a migraine, and if they want their darling boy with them that badly then they should be the ones to stay sober and play chauffeur.

kerri_gt

I understand it's not your idea of xmas day, but they are OH parents, they won't be around forever. If the driving and not drinking to relax you s bit is bothering you could you book a hotel near them to stay, or even stay over at theirs?

I'd wear formal clothes for dinner and take a jumper or something comfortable perhaps for after? Even easier if you stay over and you'll have clothes for the next day with you.

As a compromise, how about you and OH plan your own xmas day together for Boxing Day?

bossymoo

Methinks he needs some driving lessons before next year!

missindecisive

just stay at home with the glass of bourbon and a pasta bake. There. Ive sorted it all for you.!

Tire

I've only read the first page so it may have already been said. Agree a time to leave before you set off, if that time rolls around and he's not ready to leave, just leave yourself. Have his parents drive him home.

Also, wear what you want. Christmas is supposed to be a relaxed affair. Balls to getting dressed up.

Invite them to yours next year and feed them a KFC.

flossy_splodge

OMG what a selfish self focussed world you live in. :eek:

Ever considered how nice it would be to make someone else happy instead of just thinking about yourself?

I have the exact opposite problem; my DD has a pain of a husband who is arrogant beyond belief and sulks if everything is not done his way, in his timing and for as long as he wants. He sulks if he loses at a board game even tho he makes sure he buys and brings games that HE likes and he thinks he will win at.
He is a complete and utter pain, won't talk, won't discuss (I suspect he knows he can't really offer a justification for his self centredness) and quite frankly if it wasn't for the delight in seeing my DD he could stay at home with my blessing.

My DD doesn't seem to 'see' what the rest of us see or else is striving to keep the peace. Why wouldn't she? I feel for her although she probably doesn't realise just how much the rest of us have to compromise to accommodate HIM.

Any of this sound familiar in reverse???
Lighten up, allow others to do their thing in their own home and learn a bit of graciousness for goodness sake so you don't ruin the day for everyone.
You might even gain something from learning about how others do things. Your way may actually NOT be the best way. Give it a proper go.:cool: