Coping with Xmas Day - help please

pinkteapot

Good idea above re agreeing a time to leave by in advance so you can work towards that in your mind.

Are there any games you like that you can take to all play?

Mrs_Soup

I think the one thing I would do as you are driving is make it clear the latest time you will be leaving as there should be some consideration for that as none of the others will be having to drive.

DFlights

Sadly OH doesn't drive so I can't drink, I operate a strict zero-alcohol policy for myself when driving, and churlish though I may be, I'm not so much of a baby that I'd deliberately drink in the morning to avoid going!

We do have cats, so that's at least one good reason to leave at a certain time and OH agrees, it's just that he's easily swayed by his parents. Will have to talk to him.

I really do think that, when it comes to how people "do" Xmas, his parents can't comprehend that anyone would want to do it differently to the way they do (very traditionally), and don't understand that I don't enjoy it as much as they say they do (though how they enjoy it when they're that stressed is beyond me!). And OH says that they've always been like that on Xmas day - they're not stressed on my account, he's assured me, it's been that way with his parents for as long as he can remember!

Do like the idea of a walk during speech, will have to put my wellies in the car.

DFlights

Good idea about the games, Pinkteapot - although they have loads, we won't need to take anything. I'm okay with boardgames and they love them, so that could be a good way to spend the afternoon.

Gigglepig

Another thought. Do you have any common ground at all - anything they like that you like? If so these might be good "safe" conversation topics.

OP if your family was awful it is understandable that this might be particularly difficult for you - perhaps you expect the worst, and also lack some good experiences of this type of social occasion? But it does not mean that other families are awful. They don't sound too bad in the grand scheme of things? Maybe if you work at it you might become fond of your in laws eventually or at least not feel uncomfortable.

ognum

Frankly it's just one day every other year that you 'give' to your in laws, does it really have to be so hard.

They are older than you and will probably die before you and you will then have the opportunity to do as you please.

I would have thought that for the sake of your partner you could shut up and put up for one day. It will pass and you can go back to doing exactly what you please when you please!

mandi

This is exactly what I mean about Christmas - Frankly it sounds like hell OP

If it was me I would sudden onset winter vomiting - very infectious - wouldn't want to ruin Christmas for everyone blah blah .:whistle:

DFlights

They're okay - I think I said that we get on alright - but hey can be very overbearing and suffocating, even OH says this and he's had way more experience of them than I!

And no, I don't ever want to upset them, but the trouble is that everything - including my leaving time - will be set to their schedule for the day, and they'll take massive offence if I try to get me and OH home at a reasonable time. I've had to put my foot down a little bit before now about being expected to be the free taxi for their son, so I don't want to cause any more fuss. But I also don't want to be walked over about leaving. Cats will be a good reason, as I wouldn't expect anyone else to look after them on Xmas day.

It's true I don't "get" the whole family thing, but I don't want to feel forced, either, which is what this feels like. I didn't actually wholly agree, this year it kind of happened that we're going but thankfully I managed to limit it to just the day.

His family are all very, very touchy-feely too, and get very upset that I'm not, but that really creeps me out and it's hard to express to them that kissing on the lips is reserved only for OH. I don't know, it all just feels very stressful so I need to learn some calming techniques for myself. I think I'm getting worse in myself as I get older, I can see me being a happy hermit when I'm old!

cte1111

I find visits to my inlaws difficult too. I've found them easier to bear if I've got something to do, so now take some crochet with me. At least I can keep myself busy then.

I also offer to help in the kitchen, which is usually turned down, but I usually manage to insist on doing the washing up and then I feel that I've done my bit to help.

DFlights

That's a good idea, I have some stuff I could be quietly doing - that's if I can get them to leave me alone to do it! They rang last night while OH was out, and I was half an hour into a film. I was okay, said that OH would be reachable on his mobile, but then got twenty questions about the film I was watching - I just wanted to get back to watching it, not answer questions on it! They probably wouldn't leave me alone to read or draw, they'd want to know everything about what I was doing. Still, might be worth a shot.