Envy and misdead chat - advice please

Jagraf

tyllwyd wrote: »

I think it is easy for our generation to underestimate the place that a smartphone has in teenagers lives - my DD is a bit older, and was a bit late having a smartphone and she was getting upset because when she was with her friends, they were all playing on their phones and she was sat there like a lemon with nothing to do.


Why would a smartphone be more of a distraction to your son than a new ipod is for your daughter? I can see why he might be a bit jealous and perhaps sneak into her room to borrow it.


I think there is room to compromise between a £7.50 nokia and a new top of the range phone, and I think maybe you are putting more pressure than you realise on your son, who isn't very old and is struggling to find his place in the world at the moment.

Agreed. Phones are so important to kids, its like wearing the wrong football shirt. Every parent has to choose the right time for their child, but in my opinion either get the one they want, or don't get them one at all.

tyllwyd

littlemissbossy wrote: »

Reading this thread reminded me of when I was a child.

I am four years older than my brother, I got a new bike for Christmas, it was a drop handle bike and it had to be a boys one (with a cross bar) so that it could could be passed down to my brother.

I wasn't too concerned at the time, I just got on with it, my mum said this was what was happening and it did.

Would you have been just as happy if your mum had bought you a scooter, so your friends were riding around on bikes and you were frantically trying to catch up with them all the time, or begging to be allowed to have a go on their bike?

maurice28

I'm going to make a couple of assumptions here. I would put money on the fact that not all his friends have smartphones. I bet some of them do, but I'm sure some of his friends will have a basic phone like he does. But obviously he'll want the best phone possible so it will become 'everyone except me has an iPhone/why won't you buy me one/I hate you!!'

I'm also going to assume that some of his mates are envious that he has a PS4, so he doesn't seem to be doing too badly! Maybe remind him of that if he starts kicking off more as he reaches his teens!

ash28

Jagraf wrote: »

It could have been so much worse. He could have carried on lying and never returned it. Or had his reprimand been harsh, he may not own up next time he does something and there wouldn't be an opportunity to put it right.

My daughter has come to me with a handful of things which, probably if I had reacted differently in the past, she wouldn't have told me. Issues that could be nipped in the bud.

I don't disagree with you that what he did was wrong, but I don't agree that its something a 3/4 year old would do. That would worry me more actually, that a toddler had that instinct. There's a really fine line with pre teens. And, in my opinion, the most important is that they can come to you rather than bottling things up.

Incidentally, how do you know your kids always told the truth?

I didn't say his reprimand or punishment should be harsh.....but there should have been one and it should have happened straight away.

Taking something for several days that isn't yours isn't right and he could probably see how upset his sister was at the loss of her birthday present. The OP said she was devastated.

The behaviour I attributed to a 3/4 year old was "he cried for a prolonged period of time" when his sister was given her birthday present. I wouldn't have expected a 3/4 year old to think about taking it either.

I don't imagine for a minute my children always told the truth - I know for a fact that they didn't. However, they were always told it's better to tell the truth and that any punishment would be mitigated a bit if they were truthful.

I agree that it's important your kids can come to you and talk about anything they need to.....but that doesn't mean they can get away with everything because you're worried they won't talk to you. There has to be a balance.

Most children get a bit jealous or envious of things other people have or get, but that doesn't mean it's okay to take them.

piglet25

Maybe he isn't very happy at the moment and doing things such as re-reading old books takes him back to happier times?

Savvy_Sue

littlemissbossy wrote: »

Reading this thread reminded me of when I was a child.

I am four years older than my brother, I got a new bike for Christmas, it was a drop handle bike and it had to be a boys one (with a cross bar) so that it could could be passed down to my brother.

I wasn't too concerned at the time, I just got on with it, my mum said this was what was happening and it did.

And of course, there was no question of you having a girl's bike because he couldn't possibly have been expected to ride one of those when you outgrew it and he grew into it.

GlasweJen

I'm 28 and I don't get the technology culture of my nieces (11,10 and 5).

When my work gave me an iPad air I sent my iPad 2 through to my sister thinking the older one might like it - they both share it but now when they visit they download apps for me to play with? I've been snap chatted, whatsapp messaged and goodness only knows what else. The oldest has me on Facebook and uploads videos of her dancing and playing instruments (she takes lessons) so it's nice for me to see and I can police it a bit without being boring mum.

I remember tagging myself at the airport, 5am waiting on a flight and my niece liked it within 5 minutes - why are you awake turned into a conversation about her school tests that I could tell my sister and niece got support without having to feel like she'd disappoint mum.

Spendless

I don't think OP's son is at Secondary school yet, only because I have read her posts for a long time and think her son is a school year below my youngest (who is in yr7).

What I did find with my youngest, is for the last couple of years of Primary school there was a clique of children who were obsessed with how popular they were. DD wasn't one of them, the 'members' used to take delight in running rank order on who was the most popular in their year and tell her she was either bottom, or 2nd from bottom (in a year of 80 kids), one went as far as making a youtube video about how unpopular my daughter was and then told her about it- yes, seriously! This actually changed when she went to Secondary school in Sept, as those that thought they were the bees knees became small fish in a big pond.

I wonder if you have a similar situation going on, where your son is having issues fitting in with his peer group and theirs is defined by what electrical gadget each owns!

If I'm right in thinking your son is in yr6, was he disappointed with whatever he received for his birthday in the last few months compared to what his sister got? I agree with others, it does seem an OTT reaction.

Spendless

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

I also need to find ways of keeping him out of her room.


When she is asleep he seems to sneak in and take books to read (ones he read years ago, chose to give to her and is rereading them)


I think he goes in more often than we realise, and I want him to understand about her personal space.


Not sure how we can enforce it.

I have a boy and girl too with a 3 year gap and my two do this, go in each others rooms, not to borrow books as they have very different tastes. I'm unsure why they do it.

It's not behaviour I understand but my only sibling is 7 years younger than me, she had nothing of interest in her room, not even conversation, she felt the same way about me. DH who does have a sister less than 2 years younger, will sometimes say oh I used to wind <insert sisters name> in the same way. Whilst this gives me hope they will grow out of it and get over it, I still find it annoying.

Something I did find with mine is, as they went through circumstances where things changed they reverted back to liking things that I considered long outgrown. I once asked on here when DS started reception about it and got a reply that because he didn't know how to be big, he reverted to being little instead. I always thought that made sense.

Is it purely to borrow books your son goes into his sisters room, does he take then leave, or does he wake her up to chat to?

gettingtheresometime

My iphone broke recently and in between me deciding whether I wanted to repair it or get a replacement, I got a basic phone - which was fine except I couldn't get a signal very often which made it useless.