Envy and misdead chat - advice please

purpleshoes_2

McCloud1 wrote: »

I don't understand what you're trying to say. How is that any better than buying him a cheap smartphone? He now has two things to carry around and lose/get stolen.



Yes you would, but once again, why a tablet? I don't mean to be rude, but I don't understand how what your saying responds to my posts. I simply highlighted the effect it will have on him and how he would feel, I admitted he he no automatic right to one.

You've also responded to mine. Im not sure what the issue is, you said something about older people not being able to understand the gravity of the roles smartphones have to play in connecting young people and I responded. I'll say what else I want to say without quoting anything else you've said as you seem to have some issue with it.

purpleshoes_2

To the OP. The reason I suggested getting a cheap tablet is because (Im sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong), be able to access the apps he wants to chat to his friends with, cheaper than a contract smartphone.

I dont know whether he would need to carry a tablet round with him 24/7 or whether its ok for kids to have online conversations with one another while they are in the home, ie if you are with your mates, some might be snap chatting or what's apping while two feet away, but you'll know better than me what he wants to use a smartphone for and whats best for him.

As for having to carry two things around with him, he doesn't have to have the tablet with him at all times, its not a necessity.

Im quite sure there are kids who are 11 years old who don't have smartphones and or an ipod/pad.

Some families just don't have that kind of cash to splash out and that's fair enough.

McCloud1

purpleshoes wrote: »

You've also responded to mine. Im not sure what the issue is, you said something about older people not being able to understand the gravity of the roles smartphones have to play in connecting young people and I responded. I'll say what else I want to say without quoting anything else you've said as you seem to have some issue with it.

Wow...okay, didn't realise we were fighting.

I prefaced my comment by stating the obvious fact that a lot older people will not understand how smartphones are to young people. It wasn't the primary content of my comment. It's not contentious anyway, you were never young in this environment and cannot understand any more than I understand what it was like to grow up in your era. You can empathise, but that's it.

I wasn't having a go about you responding for gods sake, I was wondering what message you are trying to convey to me. I have no issue with you quoting me, not sure where you pulled that from....you having a bad day?

FBaby

I do make a point that my kids will not get a better phone than I out of principle, and since I don't have the latest, they certainly don't either! What I've done is passed down my old one to my DD who was always excited because that was always still better than what she had. DS started secondary, so was keen on one too, so he got my hands down and DD got a mid range model that she wanted.

DS smart phone contract is only £7.50 a month, so very reasonable.

Poppie68

I think 11 year old kids don't know if they are coming or going..
They feel like they are hitting adulthood because of the move to secondary school but still treated like an 11 year old at home.
The iPod issue should of been dealt with immediately and forgotten he is obviously jealous which is perfectly normal and most probably wouldn't do it again. The phone issue could be a big deal to him. His friends most probably stand there on their smart phones and his is hidden in his pocket... but his feelings are all part of growing up and it wouldn't hurt to give into him a little to make him feel better.

Jagraf

ash28 wrote: »

I have shortened your post a bit.......

IMHO, your son's reaction to the present of a new ipod touch for his sister was totally out of proportion. The reaction you describe is something I would expect from a three or four year old, not an eleven year old.

Your son went into his sister's room, unplugged the ipod from its charger, took it and kept it for a period of time (several days?) - until you said if you see it pop it on my bed.

He stole the ipod....he took it without permission - either his sister's or yours. He lied and said he didn't have it. How long would he have kept it if you hadn't given him a way out?

For me the taking it without permission (and keeping it) is one thing and lying about it is another. In our house he would be trouble for both to be honest. There would be no excuses or mitigating circumstances.....I brought our children up to understand that telling the truth is the best policy, even if you have done something wrong. And they knew that long before the age of eleven.

If he had taken it and kept it overnight and then returned it to his sister the next morning - "sorry, I borrowed your ipod, I didn't think you'd mind", could have earned him a "it doesn't belong to you, don't take it again without asking". But he went way beyond that.

He didn't do a good deed in returning it....he was trying to get himself of a hole of his own making.

You probably should have dealt with the issue when he returned the ipod and not left it.

What happens the next time someone has something he wants?

It could have been so much worse. He could have carried on lying and never returned it. Or had his reprimand been harsh, he may not own up next time he does something and there wouldn't be an opportunity to put it right.

My daughter has come to me with a handful of things which, probably if I had reacted differently in the past, she wouldn't have told me. Issues that could be nipped in the bud.

I don't disagree with you that what he did was wrong, but I don't agree that its something a 3/4 year old would do. That would worry me more actually, that a toddler had that instinct. There's a really fine line with pre teens. And, in my opinion, the most important is that they can come to you rather than bottling things up.

Incidentally, how do you know your kids always told the truth?

Jagraf

Poppie68 wrote: »

I think 11 year old kids don't know if they are coming or going..
They feel like they are hitting adulthood because of the move to secondary school but still treated like an 11 year old at home.
The iPod issue should of been dealt with immediately and forgotten he is obviously jealous which is perfectly normal and most probably wouldn't do it again. The phone issue could be a big deal to him. His friends most probably stand there on their smart phones and his is hidden in his pocket... but his feelings are all part of growing up and it wouldn't hurt to give into him a little to make him feel better.

Excellent post :T

littlemissbossy

Reading this thread reminded me of when I was a child.

I am four years older than my brother, I got a new bike for Christmas, it was a drop handle bike and it had to be a boys one (with a cross bar) so that it could could be passed down to my brother.

I wasn't too concerned at the time, I just got on with it, my mum said this was what was happening and it did.

Jagraf

littlemissbossy wrote: »

Reading this thread reminded me of when I was a child.

I am four years older than my brother, I got a new bike for Christmas, it was a drop handle bike and it had to be a boys one (with a cross bar) so that it could could be passed down to my brother.

I wasn't too concerned at the time, I just got on with it, my mum said this was what was happening and it did.

My dad, now in his seventies, had a bike for christmas. It was a rusty one. It's a story we hear every christmas :rotfl: but we never tire of it.

Jagraf

I had a purple and white emu puppet one christmas instead of the blue ones. Everyone else had blue ones and I was upset. I suppose its the same with the phones now.