School dilemma, results v care

geerex

There's no way a 5 year old child should be thought of as a "carer" in any form. OP - sorry to say it, but he's too young to be a "carer" of any sort, and you're harming him emotionally by placing this massive burden on him. Its simply not fair, and you need to reassess the impact that your decisions are having on him. No wonder the poor boy has confidence issues.

Octobergirl

Quick update: son has finally got a place and moves schools in a week, fingers crossed it's the right decision for him. Thanks fo all your support.x

PoorCharleyBear

I hope your son settles really well into his new school. Being academic is all well and good but really they are only little...I sometimes have to remind myself when my primary school daughter laughs at things like someone asking 'sex' (ie gender) on a form. She thinks its really naughty.

It can be difficult to remember they are so little and have far far more to learn than academic stuff- the world/ relationships with bossy, soft, gentle, rough kids/ tying shoelaces/riding a bike. All are as important as reading and maths.

I put my daughter into a social school, and she has blossomed. She is fabulous at reading, not so great at maths...but that's life and her talents.

I hope all goes well- sounds like your son is in need of a break!

marisco_2

I think you have made the right decision. A child wont learn if they don't feel relaxed and happy. I hope your son will settle quickly in his new school.

PeonySugar

OP I can't begin to tell you how important it is to have the emotional needs met of the child first rather than academics. I had to go to a high school in another county because I couldn't get into any of my 5 choices. I had an hour bus there and hour back, I knew no one there, and I didn't fit in with anyone there. I couldn't just nip to a friends house after school for tea, or walk home in a group, or play out after tea. I hated going to school and not one teacher ever approached me and asked if I was okay and why I seemed unhappy and withdrawn. But my parents chose that school as it was the best academically that could take me in in the short space of time that was given to choose.

From my experiences I would much rather my child went to the local school if possible, rather than somewhere miles away that's really academic but not got good pastoral care. It's much better to have that good group of friends, excellent pastoral care. If I were a parent I would ask a potential teacher to tell me about a time when they supported a child and how that was recognised. You can't have good academics without a good well rounded emotionally stable child.

earthmother

I know I'm late to the thread, but just wanted to say OP, that, based on my own experience, you've made the right decision.

My kids (now yr9, 6 and 4) have sadly been young carers all their lives (eldest one in particular) and also on SEN themselves for several years. Due to a necessary house move, we ended up in the catchment for a large 'outstanding' school when eldest was about to start yr4. Sadly pastoraly it was appalling. The two years they had there were terrible socially and academically, and we were very close to getting a 'school refuser' of eldest due to the stresses that were heaped on them.

Luckily, another house move put us in the catchment of a small village school (less than 100 kids across the 7 years groups - and so 4 mixed classes), at which eldest was able to spend one full school year before moving up to the local High.

It was the best move we made ... whilst they do aim for the best results possible from each child, it's not just academically, but pastoraly too. He came on leaps and bounds from that one year under a different system, leaving the school with friends and a better mindset, and the other two have flourished there also (having started there in their yr1 and 3). They even all came off their school action plus plans, and whilst the caring aspect hasn't changed at home, the school (and now the high) do all they can to help.

Octobergirl

UPDATE; Thankyou everyone for your posts. In 2 weeks our son has settled really quickly at the new school, been invited to three parties already and has made lots of friends. we have our happy little boy back.

Brighton_belle

Made my day October girl, thank you.

heartbreak_star

Ahh thanks for the update, am so glad he's a happy little chap now

HBS x