School dilemma, results v care

Octobergirl

We have a 5 year old boy, quick thinking, bright, but socially immature, does silly things to fit in, whilst it doesn't appear that way, he doesn't seem to have a huge amount of self esteem at times. A young carer, with a sister with complex needs and he often states that it's all about her. ( sadly it is despite our best intentions).

He attends the local outstanding school. It is very academically driven, in a class of confident second children, with professional parents and very driven, competitive children. Lots of boasting and vying to be alpha dog. For the past 18 months he has struggled to enjoy school. The last 2 teachers gave glowing reports but he was unhappy. This year there seems to be a clash with his teacher, he comes home, with tales of being hit/kicked, had a bloody nose and a swollen eye. Nothing was done about these. I'm pretty sure he isn't innocent in the playground antics, but don't like this culture of rough play. ( when we complained the blame was laid firmly at our sons door).

The alternative is a good school. The class he would go into have 3 very difficult children with high level behaviour problems, all with 1-1 support and delt with very well but it does affect the class progress. The class teacher and school places emphasis on nurture. He probably won't be pushed as much academically but the class are all young, get on well, no competitiveness or cliques and there is a real mixture of backgrounds. The current and future teachers are all good.

We are in a real dilemma as to whether we move schools. Self esteem is my biggest priority, but I'm worried if we move him and he still struggles to fit in and be happy socially, we might have hampered his academic chances and put him in a worse position.

I just need a sounding board and others opinions before I approach is current head teacher to sign the transfer paperwork.

Errata

You've referred to your son as a 'young carer'. Who gives him emotional support for this role? Who concentrates on his very unique needs?
Might be an idea for you to talk to someone at your local Young Carers Group, because it sounds like despite your best intentions he's struggleing.

thorsoak

Is your son 5? In reception class? Or is it a typo and he is 15?

19lottie82

thorsoak wrote: »

Is your son 5? In reception class? Or is it a typo and he is 15?

Yes I thought this too, as the OP talks about her DS not enjoying school for the last 18 months

northerntwo1

I too think its a typo, the post does imply an older child but also primary age so not 15.

notanewuser

19lottie82 wrote: »

Yes I thought this too, as the OP talks about her DS not enjoying school for the last 18 months

?????

DD could have started full time school (nursery) on her 3rd birthday. here.

notanewuser

Octobergirl wrote: »

We have a 5 year old boy, quick thinking, bright, but socially immature, does silly things to fit in, whilst it doesn't appear that way, he doesn't seem to have a huge amount of self esteem at times. A young carer, with a sister with complex needs and he often states that it's all about her. ( sadly it is despite our best intentions).

He attends the local outstanding school. It is very academically driven, in a class of confident second children, with professional parents and very driven, competitive children. Lots of boasting and vying to be alpha dog. For the past 18 months he has struggled to enjoy school. The last 2 teachers gave glowing reports but he was unhappy. This year there seems to be a clash with his teacher, he comes home, with tales of being hit/kicked, had a bloody nose and a swollen eye. Nothing was done about these. I'm pretty sure he isn't innocent in the playground antics, but don't like this culture of rough play. ( when we complained the blame was laid firmly at our sons door).

The alternative is a good school. The class he would go into have 3 very difficult children with high level behaviour problems, all with 1-1 support and delt with very well but it does affect the class progress. The class teacher and school places emphasis on nurture. He probably won't be pushed as much academically but the class are all young, get on well, no competitiveness or cliques and there is a real mixture of backgrounds. The current and future teachers are all good.

We are in a real dilemma as to whether we move schools. Self esteem is my biggest priority, but I'm worried if we move him and he still struggles to fit in and be happy socially, we might have hampered his academic chances and put him in a worse position.

I just need a sounding board and others opinions before I approach is current head teacher to sign the transfer paperwork.

5 year olds shpukdn't be "pushed academically" full stop. If it were me his happiness would outweigh anything else.

peachyprice

If your son is that bright he'll thrive academically anywhere, most, if not all, schools have a gifted and talented program aimed at making sure their brightest pupils achieve the bets they can.

However, the damage his current school is doing to his self esteem and confidence could take a life time to undo. And as bright as he is he isn't going to achieve his best if he's in inner turmoil.

Does he feel pressured to always perform to the highest level? Just because he can doesn't mean he should always be pushed to, he should be achieving his best because he wants to for himself, not just because the school and you expect if of him.

My eldest is very, very bright, but at school he felt the pressure put on him to perform, so much so that he went through a phase where if he felt he wasn't going to get the absolute highest possible he wouldn't try at all. He felt that if teachers were going to be disappointed in him he might as well give them something to be disappointed about, rather than him feeling that he'd done his best but it still wasn't good enough.

(I'm writing this as if the 5 was a typo and he is in fact 15, I can't imagine any parent putting this kind of pressure on a 5yo)

DigForVictory

Do you really want a medic or vet or advanced mathematician in the family? If not, go for the nurture as a happy child learns almost as much & carries less baggage than a refugee from a results farm. They still get Uni places, even Russell Uni places, and live almost as well remunerated but infinitely happier lives.
Do give the existing Head a clear chance to improve things though.

maman

I think moving him is risky.


There's always the worry that he'll start joining in with the disruptive behaviour in the new class as a way of getting the attention (nurture?) he's craving. Also, moving him might be interpreted (by him) that it's his current school at fault not the fact than he misbehaves so you might just end up with similar problems.


Personally, I'd persevere and try to get his current school to take his issues seriously. I have known Young Carers to work with schools in the past.


That's just my opinion. Only you know how unhappy he is and whether it's worth persevering.:)

notanewuser

The OP has said elsewhere that her son is 5.