Did I crossed the invisible line?

ToeDipper

I'm late 20s, partnered up, and have a few numbers from work for people - male and female - who I happen to get on with and would potentially like to meet up with outside of work. There's no romantic implications, and when I took the numbers we weren't necessarily planning anything at the time, just taking the opportunity to get contact details for people I like?!

I've just asked the boyfriend whether he has any numbers for female work colleague and the answer was he did, but doesn't currently cos the girls he got on with have left (small company). It had never occurred to either of us that this could be an issue!

OP, if there was nothing behind it (and there's nothing in the post to suggest there was) then there's no problem!

Jx

Armorica

It's not odd to have the numbers of workmates of the opposite sex. Lots of people routinely have them (regardless of some of the more austere comments).

It's only an issue if his partner thinks it's an issue (and you've know why of knowing what she thinks)

Georgiegirl256

Poppops wrote: »

I think your response here is really odd.

You asked if you had crossed a line by requesting the phone number of an attached man. You get a response from Georgiegirl saying that if it were her husband then she would wonder why you had asked for it.

Then you turn that back on her and suggest that it would be her husband whom she should be questioning in that situation.

Well, I think you are probably right in theory. However your response does make me wonder if there was more to your request than you are letting on.

Yeah, I thought it was a strange response too.

purpleshoes_2

OP, you'll know the reason why you asked, I wouldnt just ask for someones number for some reason, Id ask for it for a specific reason.

onlyroz

I don't see a problem with having the number of anyone you might want to get in touch with on your phone.

I don't have the numbers of any work collegues because I like to keep work and home separate. I don't have any of them on facebook either for the same reason - although I do have some ex-collegues on there because once they became "ex" collegues I thought that it was safe to let them know a bit more about the "private" me.

I do know that hubby has the numbers of some of his colleagues, both male and female - they've set up some sort of whatsapp group and I often hear his phone ping to notify him of some silly comment that someone has made. I've got no problems with this and it amuses me to see him chuckling into his phone.

FuzzyPanda

I do like threads like these - something simple gets turned into "oh the horror!". As a late 30s generational, I've got many numbers from work colleagues, I can't even recall how many are in relationships, because it really doesn't matter. I've always asked for a reason though, even if it's a daft one "giz yer number and I'll forward you that stupid joke when I find it".

The thing you need to ask yourself (and the point many are focusing on) is why you asked.
Are you naturally flirty? If you are, and asked for his number for no reason at all, then yeah, a line could have been crossed.
I have a friend who is naturally flirty, I'm honestly not sure whether she's aware she crosses lines or not. (I say "cross", it's more like "leaps over with gay abandon".) She jokes about sitting on the bosses lap at work do's, and the bosses wife thinking it's "funny", and I've said to her that the word she's looking for is "tolerated".

You, deep down, know whether you're flirty, and whether asking him for his number was part of that. If it was, then yes, you've crossed a line. You're being a bit out of order, and you have to reign it in a bit. Sure we shouldn't have to change ourselves, but if we didn't change anything about ourselves, I'm sure many of us would be social outcasts (and may have even been arrested from time to time)!

lulu_92

purpleshoes wrote: »

OP, you'll know the reason why you asked, I wouldnt just ask for someones number for some reason, Id ask for it for a specific reason.

This reminds me of something that happened to me at work about 3 years ago.

I was talking to a guy at work, my shift ended and the conversation continued on Facebook messenger. He then said to me "I hate this messenger, can I have your number and I'll text you?" that was fair enough, but I then realised he asked for it for a different reason and he then wouldn't leave me alone.

My now-OH used this situation as a reason to ask for my number so he could ask me out - he said to me "Well how come you gave your number to him and not me? That's not fair!" :rotfl:(We had been getting close in real life, it wasn't as weird as it sounds!)

notanewuser

yvonne13 wrote: »

We did text a few jokes back and forth at work and that's it nothing after work and certainly no phone calls were made.

Why on earth would you be texting jokes to colleagues while at work?

hazyjo

That's what FB is for. Add who you like.


If my OH worked in an office with a bunch of women and one asked for his number, I also would think there was more behind it.


If people have friends of the opposite sex when they meet their partner, that's different IMO.


Actually, I was out with a male colleague/friend last night, just the two of us But we don't text each other and don't ring each other outside of work. We just chat at our desks and get on very well. I'm sure if I was with my BF and some new bloke started who then asked for my number (and nobody else's) and started sending me jokes and messages, etc, my BF would be jealous or wonder what his motives were.


Yes, I'm one of the over-30 brigade - and do happen to believe very strongly that YES men and women can be friends, BUT there is always either 'history' between them, or at least one fancies the other. (That is not always the case with work colleagues though, just male/female close friends!)


Jx

victory

yvonne13 you still have not answered why you gave out your number?