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Did I crossed the invisible line?

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  • LEJC
    LEJC Posts: 9,618 Forumite
    In my mind is a case of "what do you intend to use it for"....and are you happy that he has your number to use as he interprets fit?


    I have a few contact numbers of avaliable guys and unavailable ones in my phone,but each time either they or I have requested the number its been for a specific reason,and each of us use it only in the context it was given...
    I'm not a collector of numbers and as such wouldnt ask someone for theirs unless here was a specific reason or need to swap contact details.
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  • rach_k
    rach_k Posts: 2,254 Forumite
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    I would find it odd to have anybody's number for no reason, unless you're a 10 year old collecting contact details for your new address book.

    If you have a reason to contact him then it's fine to have his number (unless your reason is something dodgy). You might want to ask him to swap a shift or his opinion on something that happened at work. You might want to meet up for a friendly drink or arrange a lift share. You might just want a chat. Perhaps it's just in case you need to do any of those things. Those would be fine in my book, but to ask for somebody's number for no reason is just a bit odd to me. I suspect there is a reason and it's probably an okay reason or a combination of reasons, but it's not being able to say what the reason is that makes it a bit strange.
  • FuzzyPanda wrote: »
    I do like threads like these - something simple gets turned into "oh the horror!". As a late 30s generational, I've got many numbers from work colleagues, I can't even recall how many are in relationships, because it really doesn't matter. I've always asked for a reason though, even if it's a daft one "giz yer number and I'll forward you that stupid joke when I find it".

    Exactly, you've always had a reason to ask. Considering the OP hasn't been back on to say what her reason was, it does look very suspect.
  • lulu_92
    lulu_92 Posts: 2,758 Forumite
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    Exactly, you've always had a reason to ask. Considering the OP hasn't been back on to say what her reason was, it does look very suspect.

    I agree with this.

    Is OP single? Because she can ask for whoever's number she wants (although should appreciate that seemingly asking for a married man's number without a reason would be seen as suspicious to anyone). It's up to the other person to decide whether or not to give it to her.

    Maybe the colleague isn't aware that OP may have an ulterior motive and gave her his number as a friend. Maybe it's something more. Without more information we can't really say anything.
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  • hazyjo
    hazyjo Posts: 15,475 Forumite
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    Do people even still send jokes round by text?! Really? I've not had one in years. They all did the rounds. I had tonnes of the bloody things. And by email. Then you start getting them a 2nd time, then a 3rd, then a 4th... then everyone stopped unless it really was something truly new or relevant. Everything nowadays like that is just shared via FB (which I presume you're on).


    If you start texting him say after a few drinks, or text him stuff that you'd not consider texting another of your friends, the warning signs on his GF's radar will be going into overdrive.


    A 'colleague' of my ex-husband once texted him saying 'LOV U XXX' at the end. I saw it and went ballistic (I snooped as he'd been very strange with me, no sex and was on his phone all the time - he had had an affair in a previous marriage, I was wary). She used to text a lot, mainly when she was out drunk - I ignored it as he knew her before he knew me and they were good friends (both teachers), but I felt that was absolutely totally inappropriate and emailed her to tell her. She was drunk, btw - and apparently hadn't ever said it before.


    She said: "I do love [NAME]-as a very good friend. You being married doesn't alter that." I replied with 'Interesting seeing what other people would think if they found a text from a work colleague saying 'LOV U XXX' at the end. The only person who seems to think that's acceptable is YOU. [NAME] thinks you were bang out of order and feels totally ashamed and embarrassed that you sent that. I do believe nothing happened. We've talked about it (and you) at length and I know now I have no reason to doubt him.




    Anyway, just tread carefully. It's not nice being in a sound committed relationship, only for some woman to come along invading your relationship-time with your partner. Unless you both go out a lot together, texting is kind of personal and I think you're basically saying you're thinking about them if you send something in their out-of-work space.


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  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
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    OP, you'll know the reason why you asked, I wouldnt just ask for someones number for some reason, Id ask for it for a specific reason.

    I tend to have people's numbers as a means to contact them. If you work in the same office and don't socialize with this man out of work then I'm struggling to think of why you'd need it-and I think this is what the other co-worker was getting at (and maybe it crossed HIS mind that you had an ulterior motive or the guy had said to him that you'd asked for his number and he felt there was no way to refuse without seeming rude but you made him uncomfortable -both are possible scenarios)

    If the OP is very young it just may not have occurred to them that the world of work has different customs with exchanging numbers to college or school too. (I note she doesn't mention if the guy asked for hers in return)
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  • yvonne13_2
    yvonne13_2 Posts: 1,955 Forumite
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    @dutchy.

    I can see where your coming from, but my opening post is very clear.

    I spoke to my boyfriend about it and he just laughed if off. I even showed him the texts what were exchanged and all he said was that my co-works has rubbish jokes.

    As for the question about did he ask for my number in return, the answer is yes and he stored it in his phone.
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  • Lily-Rose_3
    Lily-Rose_3 Posts: 2,732 Forumite
    edited 14 November 2014 at 8:12PM
    Lemme give you a hand Yvonne. I'll start off the sentence...

    I asked my colleague for his number because..........

    You say he asked you for your number too, but still haven't said why YOU asked him for HIS.

    IMO you must be uncertain about your motives, or you wouldn't have posted here in the first place.

    And yes, *I* would not be happy if a female colleague of my husband's suddenly asked for his number and kept texting him about stuff that is not work related. I don't believe anyone that says they would be fine with it.

    And as someone said above, do people REALLY send jokes via text? Seems quite dated and a bit teenage/immature to be honest.
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  • Lily-Rose_3
    Lily-Rose_3 Posts: 2,732 Forumite
    Still not answering the question that people have been asking all day then Yvonne? (The reason WHY you wanted this man's number.)

    I am with Georgie; it's very odd, and somewhat suspicious that you won't say why you asked for the number, and yes it does seem that your motives are not good.

    The fact that you will not answer the question as to why you asked for his number, AND the fact that you felt the need to ask if you 'crossed the line,' confirms that your intentions are not honourable. Why did you even have to ask that anyway?
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  • At a guess OP I would say you are in your 30's probably late 30's and single. Now as for asking for your colleagues mobile number may be he felt uncomfortable but was too polite and gave it to you anyway. Did you take his number first and then ring him so he had yours?
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