my husband is having an affair

lostinrates

Guest101 wrote: »

More advice to break the law, google misuse of computers act 1990...

At first I didn't disagree with this then thought, well, is his phone, like the house, not potentially a marital asset and thus potentially half hers too?

duchy

Guest101 wrote: »

Unfortunately a vocal minority of 'feminists' believe their morals supersede the law.

Absolutely agree about getting good legal advice. 14 years is a long time. This would not come under short marriages where couples are placed back into their pre marriage position.

Strange context- do you actually understand what a feminist is ? Here's a clue it isn't actually a term of disparagement !


One thing that struck me was just because this woman was sniffing around the husband twelve years ago......and apparently has a thing going on with him now-doesn't mean that it has definitely been going on for twelve years but could be a more recent entanglement. Not that in any way excuses cheating - but something for the OP to consider.

Nikiya

I feel for you Lost, because I have been there... My advice is to confront him, but first get yourself together (as much as you can, I know it is difficult). Then, find some space (I don't know how old your children are but try to have them spend a week end with a relative, for instance: they can't witness your discussions/arguments/fights). I would gather as much information/proof as possible, because he is going to deny everything, or as much as he can.
It all sounds too familiar: younger woman, carefree woman, a relationship sheltered of all the everyday things that make us tired. However, those relationships won’t usually survive a reality check. I can’t tell you what is going to happen but most likely he’d rather keep both things alive: his affair and his family life. Make him choose. Good luck. Keep us posted.

Marisco

I think what Guest was trying to say was, that many of the women on here are saying that she is entitled to keep all the equity/house, but if the position was reversed, the woman would be encouraged to go after half, if not, more of the assets. I think he was just pointing out the double standards. (apologies Guest if that is not what you mean)

As to assets, when my ex and I split, the house was mine, left to me by my parents. However, given that my ex had put money into it, extension, decorating/maintenance etc, he would have been entitled to a share.

We came to an agreement that I left his pension alone, and he left the house alone. Although he also had an affair (and has been married to her for years) our divorce was amicable, and we were able to come to agreements without the expense of solicitors.

Guest101

lostinrates wrote: »

At first I didn't disagree with this then thought, well, is his phone, like the house, not potentially a marital asset and thus potentially half hers too?

Interesting, but I'd say no.

Personal property is usually excluded, joint property is where it is used by the couple. So for example, cars, house, bank accounts.

A number of domestic abuse charities would also disagree, a common indicator is 'I can't even use my phone' or 'partner checks my phone regularly'. Not saying this is domestic abuse, but such behaviour is sometimes seen as away from the norm. Certainly adding software to track ( as another poster suggested) really does breach that line.

Guest101

Marisco wrote: »

I think what Guest was trying to say was, that many of the women on here are saying that she is entitled to keep all the equity/house, but if the position was reversed, the woman would be encouraged to go after half, if not, more of the assets. I think he was just pointing out the double standards. (apologies Guest if that is not what you mean)

As to assets, when my ex and I split, the house was mine, left to me by my parents. However, given that my ex had put money into it, extension, decorating/maintenance etc, he would have been entitled to a share.

We came to an agreement that I left his pension alone, and he left the house alone. Although he also had an affair (and has been married to her for years) our divorce was amicable, and we were able to come to agreements without the expense of solicitors.

Exactly that, thx

C_Mababejive

Havent read it all but there appear to be some venomous women on here!

Having sex with another woman does not exempt the female partner from compliance with the law of the land.

Its quite simple, if she isnt happy with the new arrangement simply initiate divorce proceedings and move on.

If you are ok with it then deal with it and perhaps get a lover yourself.

lostinrates

Guest101 wrote: »

Interesting, but I'd say no.

Personal property is usually excluded, joint property is where it is used by the couple. So for example, cars, house, bank accounts.

A number of domestic abuse charities would also disagree, a common indicator is 'I can't even use my phone' or 'partner checks my phone regularly'. Not saying this is domestic abuse, but such behaviour is sometimes seen as away from the norm. Certainly adding software to track ( as another poster suggested) really does breach that line.

This is why legal advice Is needed. In a friend's divorce a couple of years ago watches at least, were certainly in cluded. I personally think of a watch as a more personal item than a phone. After all, they aren't often unisex.

Guest101

lostinrates wrote: »

This is why legal advice Is needed. In a friend's divorce a couple of years ago watches at least, were certainly in cluded. I personally think of a watch as a more personal item than a phone. After all, they aren't often unisex.

It's an interesting point. Were these a collection? Particularly expensive? It's stretching the boundaries, but jewelry is included sometimes, so watches doesn't surprise me - mobile phones would

DreamyP

Hey hun. I'm sorry you have to deal with this it really isn't your fault. Don't confront of him now. You need a plan otherwise you'll make life harder for yourself. Keep a hold of that phone and hide it away regardless of what people say. It will stop him deleting any evidence. I'll write more tomorrow but I honestly feel for you. You really need to decide what you want to do. I hope you do leave him. Leave him and get revenge in the best way.