Hollaback

thorsoak

Personally, when I did get catcalls and wolf-whistles (rather a long time ago, she admits, rather wistfully) I found that a contemptuous stare at the crotch area, and a sort of "phffff" comment was enough.....

And this was in the mini-skirt era - but i still remember the look of panic on one guy's face when I turned round, mini skirt just about covering my bum -let alone bump - 8 and a half months pregnant.... Not the best look now - but then, it was wonderful....

paddyrg

Comments on appearance are never OK, especially on physical attributes 'nice boobs', for instance.

Comments on something the person has had some creative choice in or something they've done can be OK if you already are familiar, not with strangers where it is imposing 'I like how you've done your hair'

Otherwise, no matter how attractive/clever/whatever someone is, it's not your place to use that as a conversation starter in a public space. Admire them from afar and let them get on with their lives.

Gingernutty

Imagine if the girl was black. IF she was disabled. Would any of this be acceptable then?

When I was younger, it was my red hair that attracted stares, comments and "OI! GINGE!" from the passenger side of vans and lorries.

When I had my hair cut very short, random men (it was always men) would rub their hands over my head to feel the hair as they walked past.

It's unacceptable. Always.

Caroline_a

thorsoak wrote: »

Personally, when I did get catcalls and wolf-whistles (rather a long time ago, she admits, rather wistfully) I found that a contemptuous stare at the crotch area, and a sort of "phffff" comment was enough.....

And this was in the mini-skirt era - but i still remember the look of panic on one guy's face when I turned round, mini skirt just about covering my bum -let alone bump - 8 and a half months pregnant.... Not the best look now - but then, it was wonderful....

I had that with my first, carried her all at the front. A wagon went past, whistling as he drove past.... it sort of died away into a bit of a squeak as he drew level.

shelley_crow

I used to walk home from school and quite a few times I had unwanted attention from people in passing cars on the main road, from the age of around 14, in school uniform! I've always looked slightly older than I am but still, the school uniform should have been a pretty big clue that I was 16 or under. As Trailingspouse has said, I'm convinced that it was because they were proving to their mates how manly they were by shouting inappropriate compliments at an obvious schoolgirl, either just for fun or to see how I'd react. I've certainly never been an oil painting! Like other posters have said, you can ignore it and face further verbal or ignore and be accused of worse but either way it is very upsetting and doesn't make you feel very safe. If I had a daughter and someone shouted stuff at her like that, I'd want the people in question strung up.

I can't imagine why anyone would think that women enjoy - or should appreciate - random comments, made by random people being shouted at them in public.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

onlyroz wrote: »

There is a time and a place for chatting people up - and in the street is not that place. There is a world of difference between approaching a woman in a bar and approaching a woman in the street. I'm amazed that some people don't seem to get this.

And I don't have a problem with general chit-chat. "Have a nice day" is fine. "Smile, it won't kill you" is not. "Where did you buy that dress/jumper/shoes?" is OK. "You're beautiful/ugly/grumpy" is not. I don't see why it would ever be acceptable to make a comment about a stranger's appearance or demeanour unless you were in a social setting. Even then it's usually more productive to try and get to know the person a little first. For me "Could I sit here and talk for a while" would be a better chat-up line than "Hey sexy I think you're beautiful".

'can I talk to you?' is one of the phrases used by the types that chase you down the road. Precisely because it sounds innocuous. If you don't engage, you'll get the passive aggressive 'i only wanted to talk to you ' and maybe the aggressive stuff after that.

Males like that are relying on women feeling unable to say 'no, go away ' - and if she is railroaded into giving him the attention he has demanded, it'll be taken as her signalling sexual interest and availability. Thus making anything that follows her fault for asking for it.


I'm not a misandrist at all, but there is this subset who behave in this way and it's wrong - to say it's nothing or the hysterical aggression of rabid feminists does a huge disservice to the majority of men who don't do it and the women who have to deal with it.

onlyroz

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

'can I talk to you?' is one of the phrases used by the types that chase you down the road. Precisely because it sounds innocuous. If you don't engage, you'll get the passive aggressive 'i only wanted to talk to you ' and maybe the aggressive stuff after that.

Males like that are relying on women feeling unable to say 'no, go away ' - and if she is railroaded into giving him the attention he has demanded, it'll be taken as her signalling sexual interest and availability. Thus making anything that follows her fault for asking for it.


I'm not a misandrist at all, but there is this subset who behave in this way and it's wrong - to say it's nothing or the hysterical aggression of rabid feminists does a huge disservice to the majority of men who don't do it and the women who have to deal with it.

"Can I talk to you" said to a woman in the street is still different to "Can I talk to you" said to a woman sat at a bar though.

[Deleted User]

shelley_crow wrote: »

I used to walk home from school and quite a few times I had unwanted attention from people in passing cars on the main road, from the age of around 14, in school uniform! I've always looked slightly older than I am but still, the school uniform should have been a pretty big clue that I was 16 or under. As Trailingspouse has said, I'm convinced that it was because they were proving to their mates how manly they were by shouting inappropriate compliments at an obvious schoolgirl, either just for fun or to see how I'd react. I've certainly never been an oil painting! Like other posters have said, you can ignore it and face further verbal or ignore and be accused of worse but either way it is very upsetting and doesn't make you feel very safe. If I had a daughter and someone shouted stuff at her like that, I'd want the people in question strung up.

I can't imagine why anyone would think that women enjoy - or should appreciate - random comments, made by random people being shouted at them in public.

Many years ago when I was at school and wearing school uniform I was waiting at a bus stop. A man came up behind me and put his hand up my skirt...

...I turned and punched him in the face with one hand and then hit him across the head with a heavy ring binder that I was holding in my other hand. Luckily I was already very tall and strapping by the time I was 15 and it was enough to scare him off.

My favourite comments I have had shouted at me (which of course made me felt so special) are "want a fxxx?" "I'd fxxx you!" "I'd sxxx her".

I am not a shrinking violet and do not get embarrassed at all. I also have the height and bulk to carry things off as well (although I have a few mobility issues now which make things more difficult).

Needless to say the men have never appreciated my comments back, or the fact that if they have groped me I have grabbed their hand, raised it high and shouted out about what a pervert they are.

I should not have to go about my life acting like this, but sadly this has been the case very often.

Jobo88

I've been on the receiving end of attention like this now and then, and it's never pleasant. Its usually followed up with a comment along the lines of 'wow she's up herself' if you ignore them, or being called ignorant. I don't understand why people do it, I don't know what they get out of it.

I've only had one occasion where I had been approached in the street and didn't mind, I was waiting in town to be picked up by OH after a few drinks with friends, and one of a group of men walking past stopped and said he thought I looked lovely and did I have a boyfriend. I said yes I did and he said it was lovely to meet me and carried on. Looking back he could have been anybody but it was a busy night and I didn't feel threatened by him.

However it's the ones that shout obscenities at you, or the ones that grab hold of your arm or whatever they can get a hold of that turn my stomach. Shouting at them to get the f***away from me usually does a good job of shaming them.

kingslayer

I am not saying anything lol but I knew you guys would be talking about this and, in fact, i'm surprised my name hasn't been mentioned haha.

Btw, why was i banned?!