Hollaback

roobee13

kingslayer wrote: »

Can I just ask (without being chastised) why you women kn here think it's bad for a straight, single guy to approach women he doesn't know with the aim of getting to know them? Please don't say it's creepy; it's just human nature for the opposite sex to want to know the other. Okay, so there's women who won't find a guy attractive and likewise, but at the end of the day, I don't see the big issue with a guy approaching a woman in public places (outside of social events/atmospheres) with the aim of getting to know each other.

By the way, I'm not talking about pervy guys who shout sexual comments at women; I'm talking a normal guy who genuinely wants to meet that woman. I just feel it's very narrow minded to say a guy shouldn't do that. If a woman approached a random guy in the street because she found him attractive and wanted to meet him, and find out he's personality, I doubt many guys would find that creepy.

Ok, I'll bite.

Because how do you know the woman you've approached is single and/or interested in getting to know you? And if they are single, they may be happy that way and not want to be bothered in the street/park/shop. I don't think the street is a great place to strike up friendships (or more).

For me personally, there is always the thought that there is something more sinister going on. I know that is a sad fact of life but its true. If a random guy started chatting to me in a 'coming on' context my first instinct is to leave as I'm not interested.

I would never approach a guy I found attractive in the street as I think that's creepy too! I guess the reason it's not intimidating the other way round is because most men wouldn't be scared of a what a woman would do to them if they say no (clearly they've never been on a night out round here! :rotfl:)

Just my opinion, can't speak for everyone

onlyroz

kingslayer wrote: »

Can I just ask (without being chastised) why you women kn here think it's bad for a straight, single guy to approach women he doesn't know with the aim of getting to know them? Please don't say it's creepy; it's just human nature for the opposite sex to want to know the other. Okay, so there's women who won't find a guy attractive and likewise, but at the end of the day, I don't see the big issue with a guy approaching a woman in public places (outside of social events/atmospheres) with the aim of getting to know each other.

If you want to meet women then attend a social event, go to a club or bar, or talk to the people you work with. If you approach a random woman in the street then fully expect them to be creeped out and to walk away fast in the opposite direction.

Izadora

j.e.j. wrote: »

OK, can we get back to post 104, which was asking the (genuine) question, where does banter stop and harrassment begin?

I think it's a question that covers far too many factors (setting, what's said, body language etc.) for there to be any kind of definitive answer.

If you class it as harassment when the person on the receiving end feels uncomfortable then you're having to allow for people with vastly different tolerance levels. Do you then have to say that any unwarranted approach is harassment as it could possibly offend? Can you include situations where nothing's even said but someone's actions are creepy?

I don't think there's any question though that one line between banter and harassment is if you choose to make a follow-up comment when someone's either doing their best to ignore you or has expressly asked you to stop.

tea_lover

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/womens-blog/2014/nov/04/stop-telling-women-how-to-feel-about-street-harassment

Georgiegirl256

tea_lover wrote: »

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/womens-blog/2014/nov/04/stop-telling-women-how-to-feel-about-street-harassment

The one and only comment so far to that article makes an interesting point:

"It it's just a 'compliment' with no ulterior motive, then why don't these men compliment me when I'm with a male friend?"

tea_lover

I found it interesting that all of the comments (there's hundreds when I look!) from women are saying the same "it's creepy, we don't like it, stop it", and yet there are still comments from men saying "it's harmless fun, what's your problem".

Georgiegirl256

kingslayer wrote: »

Can I just ask (without being chastised) why you women kn here think it's bad for a straight, single guy to approach women he doesn't know with the aim of getting to know them? Please don't say it's creepy; it's just human nature for the opposite sex to want to know the other. Okay, so there's women who won't find a guy attractive and likewise, but at the end of the day, I don't see the big issue with a guy approaching a woman in public places (outside of social events/atmospheres) with the aim of getting to know each other.

By the way, I'm not talking about pervy guys who shout sexual comments at women; I'm talking a normal guy who genuinely wants to meet that woman. I just feel it's very narrow minded to say a guy shouldn't do that. If a woman approached a random guy in the street because she found him attractive and wanted to meet him, and find out he's personality, I doubt many guys would find that creepy.

Ok, without mentioning the word creepy (as you still seem to fail to accept that it is) here goes:

It makes us feel embarrassed rather than complimented, it makes us feel vulnerable, it makes us feel uncomfortable and that we're just there for that particular mans entertainment. It's usual because a very high percentage of men just wouldn't do that, they respect women and wouldn't want them feeling bad, so when a man does do it, it makes them look like a jack the lad only interested in one thing and who has no respect for our feelings at all.

I encountered it too many times to mention when I worked in retail and it made my skin crawl every single time. I was there to serve and assist customers in their purchase, not to be talked to like a sex object.

trailingspouse

I've also noticed the panic from men who say 'How are we supposed to talk to women that we genuinely find attractive!!'

Really? Is that the only reason you can think of as to why you might want to talk to a woman? If you find a woman attractive, just be pleasant. In fact, if you don't find her attractive - just be pleasant.

It's not rocket science.

Georgiegirl256

tea_lover wrote: »

I found it interesting that all of the comments (there's hundreds when I look!) from women are saying the same "it's creepy, we don't like it, stop it", and yet there are still comments from men saying "it's harmless fun, what's your problem".

Ah, I see now. The tab was on guardians pick rather than all comments!

Those men saying that it's harmless fun etc are not men I would ever want to get to know.