Hollaback

Georgiegirl256

Marisco wrote: »

Wait 'till you get older, you'll take any that come your way!!

:rotfl: Yeah, you're probably right!

lulu_92

Marisco wrote: »

Wait 'till you get older, you'll take any that come your way!!

:rotfl:

When I was 18 I was approached in the street by a random guy who said he'd seen me around and I was beautiful. He then asked me to go for a drink and I politely declined, and we went our separate ways.

(ETA - this happened in winter, in the dark, in the rain. I was a bit creeped out but just dismissed it as someone trying to be nice)

Two weeks later there was a knock at my door and it was this guy! I asked him how he knew that I lived here and he said he saw me through my window :eek::eek::eek: Luckily I managed to get rid of him.

Another week or so later I was waiting in my front garden for a friend and this same guy tried to get me in his suspicious white van! :eek::eek::eek: Needless to say I managed to get away!


About a month after this I was at uni and a stallholder on campus started talking to me, then started trying to grope me and get me to go to his hotel room! I managed to get him banned from the university and I later found out that another city council had banned him from operating there because of similar accusations!

(ETA - The university decided to give me a rape alarm in case something happened again, but it never did..)

lostinrates

DUTR wrote: »

There is no difference though, if it's uninvited it's not ok to do. Even if it is invited, it's still not OK. Trouble with the video though, is that it has been edited, it would be interesting to see a response if it was an A rated movie star or similar making a pass.

In the days i used to get approached I was aware I was being approached because I physically appealed to the person approaching me.

Sometimes a compliment is well received, it depends very much on how its given.

I often say to people ' I love your hair/ nails/earrings/ shoes/look' when I see someone whose hair/ earrings/ shoes/ look makes me smile. But I wouldn't say I love your bum/ thighs/ etc. I have told some one they have gorgeous eyes though, not as a chat up line.


Last year, near chrsitmas, a man told me he liked me hat. My husband had been only just within ear shot and came over and smiled and asked 'what was that?' And the guy was obviously very nervous that he had crossed a boundary and was stammering and saying he meant nothing my it and he really just liked my hat and i laughed and thanked him and said it was the only compliment I'd had about it. It made me sad that there was such misunderstanding. I'm glad he liked my hat.

Flossie.

onlyroz wrote: »

Ulterior motive or not, people need to realise that an unwanted comment from a stranger in a public place *is* threatening, regardless of how innocuous the comment is. We're not talking about a work colleague telling you that they like your top/dress/shoes/hairstyle. We're not talking about being approached in a bar when you're wearing your best clothes and have spent hours putting on your make-up. We're talking about a person walking down a public street in daylight wearing ordinary clothes having to contend with comments on their appearance by complete strangers. This is not acceptable and people need to get this into their heads.

I am not fond of it either. I know it comes to something when a man can't say to a random lady in the street, that she is cute/nice/attractive or that she looks nice, without being thought of as a creep, but unfortunately, that is how it is. It's like a woman sleeping around is classed as trashy, and yet a man who does it is classed as a 'player;' not fair, and wrong imo, but that is how it is.

And I have asked 3 American ladies who I know, how they feel about men randomly approaching them in the street, and all 3 (aged 25, 43, and 55,) said it's a no-no, and is weird. So I am at a loss to understand why a few people have said that it's OK in America.

And as for the person that said 'how are you supposed to meet people then?' Good point, but there is a difference between chatting casually in a pub/the gym/at work etc, and going up to a woman in the street and saying 'I like your dress, you're pretty, wanna go for a coffee with me?!' *shudder* It is beyond creepy imo.

I know many couples, and not one of them has got together because the guy went up to the lady in the high street, (when he didn't even know her,) and said 'I like your hair, wanna go for a coffee.' If that happened to me, I would bolt like Champion the Wonder Horse! :eek:

Everyone I know met through friends, or at work, or at a club or pub or the gym or at a hobby group of some kind (art group/drama group,) or at Church even.

Regretably I have to say that it IS intimidating and creepy and scary when a man approaches you in public, and tries to compliment you and come on to you. General talking yes, and making small talk etc, but not personal comments and come-ons. It's just weird. Sorry guys, but it just is.

Georgiegirl256

newcook wrote: »

Thing is, we see it too often in films and tv shows set in new york that a stranger will go up to someone and say ‘I find you attractive, would you like to go for dinner tonight?’. Us ‘stiff-upper-lipped’ brits seem to think that this isn’t acceptable for some reason yet how else are single people meant to meet a partner if you cant approach a stranger?! I appreciate that there are completely unacceptable ways of complimenting someone or asking someone out but don’t forget we are all strangers til we meet!

I don't think it is acceptable randomly approaching someone in the street to tell someone they're attractive/ask out on a date as IMO, it puts the person being approached in a very vulnerable uncomfortable position.

I think there are times and places to do such a thing. For instance, I met my husband in a pub. He asked me if I would like a drink, and obviously the rest is history! I think people feel more at ease in a pub. It's a much more relaxed atmosphere, they're maybe with people they know, and the bar person/bouncers are there for if any trouble kicks off.

I'd also be willing to bet that a lot more people have met their partners in a pub/club than outside a shop!

Flossie.

lulu_92 wrote: »

:rotfl:

When I was 18 I was approached in the street by a random guy who said he'd seen me around and I was beautiful. He then asked me to go for a drink and I politely declined, and we went our separate ways.

Two weeks later there was a knock at my door and it was this guy! I asked him how he knew that I lived here and he said he saw me through my window :eek::eek::eek: Luckily I managed to get rid of him.

Another week or so later I was waiting in my front garden for a friend and this same guy tried to get me in his suspicious white van! :eek::eek::eek: Needless to say I managed to get away!

About a month after this I was at uni and a stallholder on campus started talking to me, then started trying to grope me and get me to go to his hotel room! I managed to get him banned from the university and I later found out that another city council had banned him from operating there because of similar accusations!

OH MY GOD LULU! :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

That is proper creepy. (Both stories.) And very believable, because similar things have happened to me in the past, AND to women I know.

Who'd be a woman eh?

Some men (not many,) but some, do think it's their right to come on to you and that you should be flattered, and a few of them get very irate and act irrationally, if you don't sucumb to their advances.

If you get the chance, go to youtube, and put in 'Stalking Laura.' (Not sure if I can post youtube links on here, so I won't in case I get a warning,) but the whole 90 minute film is on there.' Your post reminded me of this Lulu.

It's a film starring Brooke Shields and Richard Thomas about a man who gets obsessed with a girl who has NO INTEREST in him. And he does NOT like her rejecting him. It's a very good film...

Flossie.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I don't think it is acceptable randomly approaching someone in the street to tell someone they're attractive/ask out on a date as IMO, it puts the person being approached in a very vulnerable uncomfortable position.

I think there are times and places to do such a thing. For instance, I met my husband in a pub. He asked me if I would like a drink, and obviously the rest is history! I think people feel more at ease in a pub. It's a much more relaxed atmosphere, they're maybe with people they know, and the bar person/bouncers are there for if any trouble kicks off.

I'd also be willing to bet that a lot more people have met their partners in a pub/club than outside a shop!

I agree 100% and that is what I was saying Georgie.

And like I said, I know a number of Americans, and it's a myth that they are fine with being randomly approached in public. It's nothing to do with the Brits having a 'stiff upper lip.' Women all over the globe cringe at creepy unwanted attention from strange men: it's nothing to do with the nationality.

lulu_92

Flossie. wrote: »

OH MY GOD LULU! :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

That is proper creepy. (Both stories.) And very believable, because similar things have happened to me in the past, AND to women I know.

Who'd be a woman eh?

Some men (not many,) but some, do think it's their right to come on to you and that you should be flattered, and a few of them get very irate and act irrationally, if you don't sucumb to their advances.

If you get the chance, go to youtube, and put in 'Stalking Laura.' (Not sure if I can post youtube links on here, so I won't in case I get a warning,) but the whole 90 minute film is on there.' Your post reminded me of this Lulu.

It's a film starring Brooke Shields and Richard Thomas about a man who gets obsessed with a girl who has NO INTEREST in him. And he does NOT like her rejecting him. It's a very good film...

Yeah it wasn't very nice. A lot of stuff like that happened when I was 17 and 18.

I'll search it when I get home, I'm interested to see it.

I did Theatre and Media at uni and for my scriptwriting class I wrote a short play about a girl being stalked by an obsessive creep and I got a B+ for it

newcook

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I don't think it is acceptable randomly approaching someone in the street to tell someone they're attractive/ask out on a date as IMO, it puts the person being approached in a very vulnerable uncomfortable position.

I think there are times and places to do such a thing. For instance, I met my husband in a pub. He asked me if I would like a drink, and obviously the rest is history! I think people feel more at ease in a pub. It's a much more relaxed atmosphere, they're maybe with people they know, and the bar person/bouncers are there for if any trouble kicks off.

I'd also be willing to bet that a lot more people have met their partners in a pub/club than outside a shop!

I didn’t say it was acceptable, just that TV and film give the impression that it IS acceptable. Films such as ‘Meet Joe Black’ and ‘He’s just not that into you’ and tv shows such as ‘sex and the city’, ‘friends’ and how I met your mother’ all give the example that you can ask a stranger out for coffee or dinner whether they have met in a supermarket, a bar or walking down the street – its also rarely that the offer is declined. Yes, its tv/film and so all made up but because these things are shown so often in this manner its not only deemed acceptable but that it will usually get a positive response.

The reality is that there are women who find it intimidating and creepy.

Tropez

Flossie. wrote: »

If you get the chance, go to youtube, and put in 'Stalking Laura.' (Not sure if I can post youtube links on here, so I won't in case I get a warning,) but the whole 90 minute film is on there.' Your post reminded me of this Lulu.

It's a film starring Brooke Shields and Richard Thomas about a man who gets obsessed with a girl who has NO INTEREST in him. And he does NOT like her rejecting him. It's a very good film...

'Stalking Laura' or 'I Can Make You Love Me' (American title) is based on an actual incident.

Richard Farley is currently on death row in California.