Hollaback

roobee13

Where is kingslayer when you need him? No doubt he'd be posting that it's perfectly ok to give women creepy comments in the street (and then wonder why no-one takes him up on his 'kind' offer) :rotfl:

(sorry - know it's a serious topic but I couldn't resist!)

Flossie.

Tropez wrote: »

'Stalking Laura' or 'I Can Make You Love Me' (American title) is based on an actual incident.

Richard Farley is currently on death row in California.

Yes it is. Sorry I forgot to say.

I don't want to spoil the ending, (in case someone wants to watch it,) but it WAS pretty grim.

Flossie.

All this puts me in mind of my friend's ex husband. When he was with her, he used to chat randomly to women he didn't know, (in supermarket and bank and post office and shop queues etc,) and he would try and be 'funny' and jovial. Most of the time they would ignore him, and he'd say (with them out of earshot,) 'miserable cow' and 'ignorant b*tch.' So because they didn't sucumb to his chat, and his 'hilarious' quips, they were 'miserable and ignorant.' :eek:

He used to chat to young-ish girls as well (16-21) and ask them how their day was at college or at work. (He was about 45.) but they almost always ignored him, and scuttled away. It used to make my friend feel very uneasy, and whenever SHE chatted to a random man (which was rare,) he would go off on one, and say 'who the eff is that ugly gormless twit?' It was OK for him to chat up every female under the sun (even though they generally hated it,) but not OK for HER to chat to men.

No wonder he is an ex now!

Also, my daughter says that she gets hit on by dirty old men of 40 plus (she is 17,) and she hates it with a passion. I have no idea why men think it's a good idea, coming onto random women; especially ones half your age.

And then being angry and aggressive when they reject you?

Very worrying.

trailingspouse

Men making unsolicited comments/catcalls etc etc etc to women in public places has nothing at all to do with attractiveness and everything to do with power. Every time.

Can I recommend that you take a look at the Everyday Sexism Project, or google Laura Bates.

pollypenny

Living in Wales where everyone talks to others in a queue or on a bus, Id say there's a vast difference in this and someone just coming up to you in the street and commenting on appearance.

In fact, even the queue chatters are unlikely to comment on appearance.

However,I've just remembered. I was at bus stop one day, passing the time of day with a woman whose son I vaguely knew, she she peered at me closely and said,
'Are those your own teeth, love?'

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It's very common for people to make what can be dismissed as harmless comments when the actual intent is a lot more unpleasant. I've had it and when somebody decides to walk alongside you, trying to force you to stop and engage with them even though you don't, it can feel very intimidating.

I've had a guy do it several times and then spot me putting the bins out at home and appear behind me in the garden. Bad enough, but then I read a report of a sexual assault taking place two roads along from me where the attacker kept trying to engage the victim in conversation with seemingly harmless comments until he dragged her into a garden. I've had somebody grab hold of me on the way home who started by saying hello.

Every time somebody does it, there's the underlying worry that they're doing it with a view to something deeply unpleasant - after that level of hassle (and there's much more than that going on even for a ropey old boys like me), some Muppet with his mates demanding that I smile at him because i haven't made eye contact or acknowledged his right to be noticed and take up my time is the last thing I need.

If you don't know a woman's best mate, three funny stories about his she's dated and the name of her cat, just shut the eff up when she's walking down the street minding her own business.

Angry_Bear

I really hope that some of the men who think that it's harmless, complimentary, and that women secretly love to hear this stuff are reading this thread.

Unsolicited comments are, almost without exception, creepy and intimidating. Please don't do it!

onlyroz

There is a time and a place for chatting people up - and in the street is not that place. There is a world of difference between approaching a woman in a bar and approaching a woman in the street. I'm amazed that some people don't seem to get this.

And I don't have a problem with general chit-chat. "Have a nice day" is fine. "Smile, it won't kill you" is not. "Where did you buy that dress/jumper/shoes?" is OK. "You're beautiful/ugly/grumpy" is not. I don't see why it would ever be acceptable to make a comment about a stranger's appearance or demeanour unless you were in a social setting. Even then it's usually more productive to try and get to know the person a little first. For me "Could I sit here and talk for a while" would be a better chat-up line than "Hey sexy I think you're beautiful".

FatVonD

roobee13 wrote: »

I wonder how the guys in the video would feel if it was their partner/sister/mother?

I've posted this on here before I think but since you've brought up parters/sisters/mothers...

When I was about 17 we moved offices to a new tower that was still being finished. I waited for the lift one day and when it arrived the doors opened and there were half a dozen of the builders in there.

I kind of had no choice but to get in and, as the lift doors closed, one of the builders said aloud, 'Oy, stop touching that girl's bum' (nobody had, btw!) I turned round and said 'do you not have a girlfriend or a sister or a mum? How would you feel if someone embarrassed her like you just have me?'

The lift stopped at the next floor and the bloke got out and all his mates cheered. I must have looked at them a bit bemused because one of them explained, 'he wasn't supposed to be going to that floor, you've shamed him into getting out'.



I am now of an age where it doesn't happen too often any more but I hated walking past building sites, you knew it was going to happen and I'd just pray that they didn't say anything until I was right next to them or just about to pass because the absolute worst was still having to walk towards them after they'd called out.

garfield33

Thankfully this doesn't happen to me very often (and it's usually something unintelligible bellowed from a passing van), but it seems there is no 'good' way of reacting - ignore them, or ask them to go away (in various strengths of language) and you get called frigid, or a lesbian, or ugly. If you are polite then it can encourage them to carry on.