Morals and family

axel132132

Quick question on an argument i have been having with my fiance

She says that its cruel if i go to a shop and everytime i buy a chocolate bar or drink for myself shes saying its cruel if the kids dont have the same

I say im an adult i can have what i want and they shouldnt have to have chocolate bars just because i am.. Im saying thats spoiling them. I say im 24 and there 4 and 2.. They shouldnt be having what i am just because its 'unfair' i feel if i do its spoiling them


Whats overall view on this one

fairy_lights

If you get home and sit eating your chocolate bar in front of their tiny pleading faces while they weep in to bowls of gruel then yes, it is a bit cruel...if it's something you've bought to eat later though then I don't see the problem.

jaylee3

axel132132 wrote: »

Quick question on an argument i have been having with my fiance

She says that its cruel if i go to a shop and everytime i buy a chocolate bar or drink for myself shes saying its cruel if the kids dont have the same

I say im an adult i can have what i want and they shouldnt have to have chocolate bars just because i am.. Im saying thats spoiling them. I say im 24 and there 4 and 2.. They shouldnt be having what i am just because its 'unfair' i feel if i do its spoiling them


Whats overall view on this one

I agree with you. They don't have to have one just because you do. But then, I would probably refrain from buying and eating sweets and chocolate in front of infants too often if it were me. For the reason fairylights stated (it could be a little cruel,) and because it may set a 'bit' of a bad example, encouraging them to eat sweets and chocolate at such a young age.

JMO.

dingdongavoncalling

Are they with you when you're buying/eating them? x

thorsoak

axel132132 wrote: »

Quick question on an argument i have been having with my fiance

She says that its cruel if i go to a shop and everytime i buy a chocolate bar or drink for myself shes saying its cruel if the kids dont have the same

I say im an adult i can have what i want and they shouldnt have to have chocolate bars just because i am.. Im saying thats spoiling them. I say im 24 and there 4 and 2.. They shouldnt be having what i am just because its 'unfair' i feel if i do its spoiling them


Whats overall view on this one

1. Are you both the parents of these children?

2. Can you afford to buy the chocolate and drinks for yourself without depriving the children of necessities?

3. Do they have treats when you do not have treats?

So far as I am concerned, you cannot "spoil" children - but they - and adults - can be over-indulged.

Mrs_Soup

So long as you don't sit and scoff it in front of them no problem. can't see why you would have a drink and not get them one though, seems a bit odd. Certainly don't think you should sit down in a coffee shop or whatever while you eat and drink in front of them and they have nothing, that would be cruel.

raven83

I don't think there is anything wrong with buying it to eat it later when they are not around, but if you sit there and eat/drink it in front of them then I think that is a bit mean.

JIL

I think you mean the children are with you when you go into the shop. So yes I agree with your girlfriend. You are being too good to yourself.

Rev

I think it's perfectly fine.

I don't have kids but my two best friends do and thy often have a bit of a moan about never being able to have a treat themselves without the kids wanting it too. Which is fair enough, they're kids.


So they someyimes buy themselves a treat. Box of maltesers or some crisp to eat whilst they watch a film etc after the kids have gone to bed.

If you're taking the kids in the shop and stocking up on chocolate for yourself and telling them no. That's a bit mean. But if they're not there then it makes no odds.


I assume your OH buys the kids one of everything she buys herself? If not then she really can't moan about it.

duchy

If you had no money on you and your and your girlfriend went into a pub and she sat there enjoying her drink but told you that you couldn't have one would you be OK with this ?

If you are buying yourself treats to eat or drink right there and then in front of the kids then your girlfriend is right.

Are you an only child ?

Pollycat

axel132132 wrote: »

They shouldnt be having what i am just because its 'unfair' i feel if i do its spoiling them

Do you feel you are spoiling yourself by buying chocolate bars and drinks for yourself?

I'm not totally convinced about kids having unlimited chocolate bars and drinks anyway, but if you are buying them in front of your children and eating/drinking them in front of your children, then I would say you are being thoughtless (I think the word 'cruel' in this context is OTT).