Don't Panic!

October_Starter

Thank you Lovelies.

I really appreciate your kind words.

Lucky when I am upset about things, it normally comes out as continued and repetative rants. I give off a sense of being annoyed and angry mixed with moaning rather than upset and needing TLC. I have always come across like that and it is often only when I am on my own that I realise how truly upset I am over the things. I know I am stressed and ill which really isn't helping. I am also not sleeping enough as the cold keeps me awake. Took OH to work this morning as I was awake and made a deal with him. I got 10 more minutes of cuddles before taking him to work.

MrsT my doctor is right, I am too fat but I just don't have it in me at the moment to focus on a strict diet. I am trying my best to eat in a more regular pattern (breakfast, lunch and dinner) which will help set me up for a diet when I finish work. I have learnt from experience that trying to diet when I have a lot of other things going on, only helps to make me burn out faster. I just don't feel like being told that I can have diet pills or be offered surgery. I am not in need of a psychiatrist either. I have dealt with bad patches all my life and this is just another one that I will get through. When I went before I was tired all the time and I still am. I wondered if I might have low or high blood pressure or perhaps something like diabetes or thyroid issues.. (I have no idea, Im no doctor and I refuse to google). The doctor just took one look at me, said I was depressed and that I needed to lose weight to make me happier...(!?) I have decided to cancel the appointment. I am not sick as far as I know and this is just a stressful period.

Thank you Beanie, our little project has cheered me up. I have already started looking at pictures on google to get me inspired and I have a few good ideas on fabric too.

Lucky, you mentioned about talking to family and friends etc. I got some bad news yesterday. My Bestie is 99% sure she has lost her baby. I was so sad for her. I can't rant about my issues to her at the moment as she may need me to be a rock for her. She is going for a scan today but it really doesn't look good
DM unfortunately uses any bad patch in my life as a chance to tell me that I should be living with her. If I try and avoid the argument or change the subject she gets mad and lays on the guilt.
OH just gave me lots of cuddles which was nice. He gets that whole awkward thing when I get upset. The kind of thing a lot of men do LOL.

I am going to have a call about my redundancy in an hour. Hopefully then I will know what I am doing. I haven't heard from my Bestie either yet.. I sent her a message letting her know I was thinking of her.

Well Lovelies, I am going to go and get on with some work. Sooo cold, even brought a hot water bottle into work!! :rotfl:Have a lovely day..

October xx

please-let-me-be-lucky

I'm glad you got some cuddles but tell OH you need even more! He needs to be your rock as it sounds like there isn't anyone else fit for the job.

So sorry to hear about your Bestie. I hope it's good news again for her, but if not, you are right you need to be there for her. That said, in as much as she will be devastated and needing support, don't think you can't talk to her about your problems. Sometimes it's good to have other things to discuss and take your mind off your own problems, whatever they are. You can do yourselves a favour by being there for each other if that makes sense.

Also, if you know you can come over as angry when you are upset, you need to spell it out clearer to people. I am upset. Done!

Hope the call goes/went well Xx

twiggy86

Hope the call goes well and you finally find out where you stand. Hopefully once you finally get that sorted you'll start to feel more positive knowing that on x date you can say up yours! I'm pleased your OH was there to give you lots of cuddles, sometimes there is no better cure for a bad day (pizza helps too!) I'm praying your friend is wrong. Oh and don't apologise for your posts - this is your diary so you should put whatever you like, and if people don't like it well then they don't have to read it!

monz

Hope you are feeling better today x

October_Starter

So my heart is breaking. My Bestie lost her baby Her and her partner came to see me. They are both being so brave. I told her that her baby is an angel now and will look over her. She said that she trusted her body and that this baby was just not meant to stay for the long term. She is looking towards the future and trying again. I just hugged her tight and said I would be there for her no matter what. Trying so hard not to cry myself. No idea why has got to me so much.

The call went ok. I leave four weeks today. I am relieved mostly, somewhat nervous about not getting another job but mostly don't care as I'm devestated by my Bestie's news.

Thank you Lucky and Lilty. You gave me the right words to comfort my friend and I think it might have helped. I did prepare myself a little by reading some information online as I didn't want to cause anymore grief by saying the wrong thing. One thing it said about was how most people don't remember that the father is grieving too so I made sure that I said how sorry I was to both of them. They both had tears in their eyes but they were so brave I managed not to cry too.

I just hope that should anything like that happen to me, that I can do as well as they have.

Thank you Twiggy. Pizza was definitely the way to go and chocolate too.. Pah to dieting right now!

Take care everyone and give your friends and loved ones extra cuddles and kisses.

October xx

liltdiddylilt

Beautiful lovely strong and brave October...

I am so sorry I wasn't here!! We all hit a downward spiral this weekend and I went away to deal with it because I was getting nasty on my thread and I don't want to be like that!

Firstly, and foremost.. I am so sorry for your Bestie. Brokenhearted for you both. It is the absolute worst feeling in the world and she is going to need all the love and support you've got, but it sounds like she and OH are dealing with it together. Let her know that it doesn't matter how far in the future, or what time of night, you are there to talk to when she feels like there is no one else or she shouldn't be talking about it. There is no time limit on grief, but so many women who lose babies seem to think that after a certain point it isn't ok to feel sad any more. That is wrong and they just need someone there to say 'hey, lets talk about it, as many times as you like' to let it go properly and healthily.

I think both Lucky & I lacked that with ours. You are an amazing friend and Bestie will be fine with you on her team

As for work... I am literally JUMPING!! :j:j:j 4 weeks. 28 days. Less than ONE MONTH and you will get your redundancy pay. You can start planning PROPERLY. You can look for jobs and know how much notice you have. You can set out every last penny you will need to pay for bills and figure out how long you have before things become worrying. But right now, focus on this. YOU ONLY HAVE 4 MORE WEEKS AT THAT PIT!!!! And then you can tell them to stick it.

I moved 250 miles with enough money for 6 weeks. If I didn't get a job I had to move home with my tail between my legs in a vastly more complex situation than it sounds. And I did it. But it took a lot of emails, phone calls after the emails, and some serious self importance. You know you are good enough to walk out of there and walk into any other job immediately. You've dealt with the worst they have thrown at you and done your job incredibly with zero support. Anywhere else would be lucky to have you.

As for dieting. I am overweight and a chocolate monster. I don't care. I prefer to be called 'under-height' right now. I'm ignoring it and going la la la because I don't have the energy to deal with that on top of everything else right now. So suck it skinny asian doctor. You're in my club and she's genetically lucky. Bet she's a butterface.

Huggles xxxx

October_Starter

-Big Massive Hugs-

I've missed you! Just posted something similar on your diary. I don't know what I would do without you lovely people. I feel like we have a little family on here. All together getting through life's challenges.

Writing on here has perked me up even though I was feeling really rather emotional. Everyone is so kind and caring it makes me feel better instantly.

October xx

Levi-

So sorry to hear the news about besties baby, October - such a hard thing to cope with but you are being an amazing friend & rock and I am sure that is greatly appreciated

beanielou

Great news on the job~only 28 days to go~so only 20 working days :j

Keep plodding October~an exciting new journey is just round the corner :j :A

AleMrsT

I'm so sorry to hear about your bestie, she's lucky to have as good a friend as you.
I am ecstatic that you now have a date to work with, do a chart and tick off those days with joy!!! At least now you can plan, and apply for jobs, as others have said you know where you stand now. Just make sure you get it confirmed in writing so they can't back out of it now!

Wishing you loads of luck with job hunting, make sure you take advantage of us for interview practice!