Don't Panic!

October_Starter

Hello Lovelies,

Sorry I haven't been on much this week. I was going to do loads on Tuesday but then I got an auditor turn up at work and it all got a bit crazy.

I managed my first NSD of February on Wednesday as OH and I spent some quality time together. We had a lovely lie in and then we made this lovely hot breakfast together before playing games for the rest of the day. I made a roast dinner for us but I tried to make Pork Belly Strips and as they were Mr A's SP, they were mostly fat... OH was in charge of grilling them and nearly set the kitchen on fire :eek:. They didn't burn thankfully but it then took ages to get the meat from all the fat. We both decided not to bother with those in future.

Yesterday was a really spendy day. I met an old friend for coffee which I paid for (old habits die hard). She is going to get the next one. Then I got the best V day pressie for OH! :TWoW models that were a bit like leggo but not quite. I had seen them before and decided not to get them. I didn't have an occasion at the time and didn't want to just spend the money. It turned out that it was a great decision as they were all half price. I ended up buying 6/9 pieces. I am hoping he will love them. The 6 pieces cost me £20 which is what we typically spend on each other for Bdays/Xmas etc as we are both limited with our money.

I have been trying to update my budget tracker spreadsheet thingy (I pick awesome names for things! :rotfl:). I have added an extra colomn for unbudgeted spends such as phone covers for OH and I.. £22.00. Did get them reduced from £30.00 though and got an extra £2 because my bestie spotted the sales man's fly was down!! :rotfl:. Oh as for her drinking on her Birthday, she was like me and on virgin cocktails and soft drinks. The alcohol was for everyone else .

I think I have updated you. Bit cross with myself today as I forgot to make OH and I lunch which means spending money on food. Hopefully he will pay and then I can have an NSD. He gave me his cold so I am ill again. I am a bit concerned as I am feel queasy straight after taking cold and flu tablets. I had breakfast before I took them and don't normally have bad reactions. We will see how it goes. :cool:

Have a lovely day everyone!

October xx

liltdiddylilt

Haha bless your friend and lol at the fly being down. poor chap!

Hope you feel much much better soon and keep an eye on the reaction to the tablets. I'm allergic to the coatings on tablets and they make my throat swell up badly so I have to be very careful. No brands in this house, just cheap uncoated plain old tablets

£22 on phone cases *falls over* - now you HAVE to show me yours. is it pretty? Does it have loveydovey pics on?!?!

V day present sounds amazing. Is it sad that we don't do anything here. I got a £1 bunch of daffodils this week and that was fab!! :o:o

Hugs & enjoy your weekend! xx

October_Starter

liltdiddylilt wrote: »

£22 on phone cases *falls over* - now you HAVE to show me yours. is it pretty? Does it have loveydovey pics on?!?!

They are very basic patterned, his is black with a hot pink edge and mine is hot pink with a black edge. However, they are fully protected and have the ability to stand the phone up. You can also check the time through a window and answer your phone without opening the case. Expensive but practical and with no insurance on our phones and both being too expensive to replace they were worth the extra money.

OH doesn't really do romance as such. He only likes Vday cos he can buy me chocs and flowers and not have to think too much about it lol.

Cold is blah but have started taking cough syrup instead of tablets. Work is blah. Getting so fed up of being told how rubbish I am. I am still working at 90%. (that extra 10% is the effort of forcing my staff to do as they are told). They expect me to work 110% even though I am leaving.. eventually.

I don't think I have fully updated you all on my work situation.. OMG.. So I am having a 1-2-1 call on Monday in the hopes that they will eventually give me my notice. I have been told that I will have to work not 4 weeks of notice but 8 weeks of notice! :eek:. I just want to leave, I hate every minute I work here now, especially as I have it in my head that I am leaving. It just seems to be going on forever. I had an arguement with my manager the other day who said I wasn't motivating my staff enough. I said to be able to motivate other people, I need to feel motivated myself. Instead I am getting constant put downs and empty threats. After an investigation about not drinking water, he also then said that now he was fully in charge, that wouldnt matter!! Grrrrr :mad: It is very difficult to shrug off and I just feel more and more stressed over it. I am doing my best in a difficult situation and they just treat me like I'm doing nothing at all.

That's probably one of the many reasons I have caught OH's cold. Although him breathing on me, rubbing his snots on me and generally being a 5 year old boy probably didn't help :rotfl:.

Budgeting isn't going so well but I managed to make lunch today and yesterday was a NSD. Number 2 for this month. I am trying very hard to reach that target this month. Today we need milk, drinks and a few other bits and pieces but I did remember to get bolognaise out the freezer for dinner

Have great day everyone!

October xx

October_Starter

Hello Everyone

So last night was a bad one. I should probably have seen it coming. So many things have been getting to me and I have been trying very hard to dismiss them. I feel like I am getting nothing but negativity. Work is especially bad. I feel everyday I get told I am rubbish at my job and I know that isn't true. I have proven to myself over and over that I have what it takes to do my job but the people above just don't realise that they have just taken and taken and because they have never given back, I have just run out of steam. Last year was the worst year. I was so totally crushed at the beginning when my ex dumped me. I was working 60 hours a week and still managing to go out and get drunk at least once. I would collect my friend from work at 10pm, stay at his until 1 or 2am, falling asleep on the sofa and then going home ready to work another 12 hour day. I didn't take a single day off even though I was an emotional wreck. I kept trying and trying, fitting in interviews to get new staff so that I wouldn't have to work so many hours and constantly being disappointed when they ended up not starting. I struggled with no help offered at all. I asked for other people to come and do interviews and they never came, I asked to reduce hours and wasn't permitted. I took on extra duties and started working 13-14 hours a day with no days off. I ended up signed off for stress and still they didn't help me. I managed to pick myself up and even found someone worth being with. I made changes to my lifestyle and started repaying all the money I had wasted. I am working away at that debt and I SHOULD be proud of myself. I just feel like I am fighting the world at the moment. My savings and budgeting doesn't feel like it's going well, even though I managed to get my 1000 EF completed this month and I have already managed 2 NSDs.

I haven't got anything out the freezer to make dinner today and I didn't make any lunch. I am exhausted and sick. I'm at work and freezing cold with endless paperwork to do and the feelings of "what's the point" to fight. I have to go to my old neighbour's to be moaned at because I haven't been to see her in ages. I need to get up together with washing, dishes, rubbish and cleaning as I want to go to my DMs knowing I can come back and not have to do anything.

I have an appointment to see the doc on 20th. I don't want to go. I want to cancel it. I don't want to hear how fat I am or how hopeless I am at dieting. Especially not by some skinny little asian chick who knows nothing about me or my life or even cares to find out.

This sounds like such a negative post but I wanted to write out how I am feeling at the moment so it doesn't get bottled up. I want to be able to look back on days like today and say to myself, you got through that day. You got through those rough times. I know I have already done so much. Got through so much. I am a strong person and I know this. I guess just a lot of the time I feel like I have to be strong and have to get myself through but it feels so lonely when I say it. I don't cry in front of other people. I don't tell anyone the darkest of my thoughts as they would have me sanctioned. As I wrote on Levi's diary, I let my mind say all the doubts and things it wants and I cry it all out and then I get ready to fight again. This is what I am doing now. Just getting myself back to working hard at debt busting and work and homelife.

I am sorry for such a deep and some what depressing post on a Sunday. Hopefully they will get better for the rest of the week. Have a lovely day everyone!

October

Levi-

my lovely October
so sorry to hear you also had a bad one yesterday - was there something in the air? listen, you are doing so well against all the odds, battling the low feelings takes EVERYTHING so the fact that you are working as well in a horrible environment and still managing to keep it together is no mean feat. work wise, i have sadly first hand experience of how draining all of that can be as i worked in a horrrrrrrrrrrrrible environment in every possible way for about 18 months not dissimilar to how you describe and again it feels like something killing you from inside every single day. you put on a brave face but nobody has a clue how hard it was just for you to get out of bed and make it there at all.
october, i have an overwhelming urge to make it all better for you and all the other people on my thread who have been so nice to me despite their own vast challenges. the thing is, i can't but what i can do is say.. hold on.. "this too shall pass" and it is a great idea to get it out on the diary so you can look back one day soon and feel so proud that you made it over another hump. the sun will shine on you again soon, i know thats true. and in the meantime, just hold on.. hold on to us too.. we'll prop you up.. and watch as things slowly improve, don't put yourself under too much pressure and take one day at a time. try and make it to your doctors appointment, it will be a good move -i'm sure she won't say you are fat! we're fighters and we will keep on fighting. x

October_Starter

Thank you Levi, that means a lot

Just a bump, I know. Think I am going to treat myself tonight to pizza and yummy stuff. hehe.

Hope you have a good one!

October xx

Levi-

it is a perfect day for pizza and yummy stuff. we are going to pop to lidl and get something yummy for dinner too. some yummy treats/comfort will make you feel better for sure

please-let-me-be-lucky

Aw October, I think you, Levi and I need to form our own club. We all seem to be feeling the same at the minute, yet we are all strong overall and I'm sure we can get through it together. And a pizza split 3 ways sounds good to me!

You have had so much to deal with, most of which is still ongoing, so I understand why you feel the way you do. Can you see a different doctor? She doesn't seem very sympathetic.

Does OH know how you feel? Or your DM? Best Friend? I know you said you don't cry infront of anyone, but you should really talk to someone about how you feel. You can talk to us of course, but we can only give virtual hugs and sometimes you need the real thing too.

I hope your day picks up Xx

AleMrsT

October...... I'm sorry to hear today is not being kind to you. Sometimes its good to get it all out and written down, especially when you have so much going on.
I don't know what to suggest with work, my immediate reaction is you need to get out ASAP, but the reality is, no one can really afford to do that, both financially and for your own well being, quitting to some would be the easy way out.
What you can do, is keep a diary. Log everything (on here, as you have been doing), not only will it help to keep it all off your chest and out of your head, but if you ever did feel the need to take action in terms of getting your mistreatment dealt with officially, you have a written account of the incidents, your feelings, and the impact that kind of environment is having.
I know from reading your thread that redundancies are happening, but it is really not fair that they continue to leave you hanging on.

With the doctor, if she tells you that you're too fat, tell her you no longer wish her to be your doctor, and ask for a referral to another, more compassionate doctor, you have a right to be seen by an alternative doctor if you wish.
I made a complaint to PALS about my consultant, as I wasnt getting the correct equipment for my treatment, and she wasn't listening to me. They reviewed it, and she started to consult with the specialist about my case, and asked me my thoughts and opinions, as well as how I was feeling. 7 years later, we now have a very good doctor patient relationship, I know I can tell her new things and pass on recommendations from the specialists and she will no longer take it as an afront that I am telling her what to do, she now understands that having a rare condition means the patient DOES know best, and sometimes, Doctors learn a lot more from asking patients 'what shall we do' then telling them 'you should do this'.

Not suggesting its the right thing to do in your situation, but it may be worth bearing in mind if the doctor is still crappy with you.

Sundays the perfect day for a pizza and a 'slob' day, stick on a film, enjoy your pizza then have a nice indulgent bath to help wash away the stresses. Tomorrow is a new day and the start of a brand new week

PS: Plus, the sun is shining here, hopefully its shining where you are too.

beanielou

Hope that things pick up for you really soon.
Keep plodding.