Nice People 13: Nice Save

LydiaJ

Nikkster wrote: »

You have every right to comment on that. And you're a beautiful, now happens to be single lady. Just for the record.

Thank you!

I'm afraid there's more to it than "happens to be", though. My mental health is not currently such that I would be able to put in enough effort and energy to sustain a relationship, let alone go searching for a bloke in the first place.

Nikkster wrote: »

That's the only thing I disagree with though... I don't even meet any single men, let alone any I like or further still would like to family-up with (let alone would look twice at me). Thesis is not the problem there, I'm certain.

Tell me about it! I don't meet any single men either! Well, actually, this year there are two at work, but they are 20 years younger than me so they don't count.

But if I had my get up and go back, I'd be able to put in the effort to go to the places (and websites) where they are to be found. So might you, if you felt better about things.

Nikkster wrote: »

Thank you.
I've said that through gritted teeth though as that's the first thing tonight to make me feel truly uncomfortable. Nothing to to with who said it, mind!
I'm neither. Im just a lost girl, sat here with my hot water bottle. That's all.

Oh Nikkster. I wish I could give you a hug.
You have so much potential, but you can't see it. Generali's perception of you is so much more accurate than your own. It really is possible to recover from this kind of crippling view of your own perceived inadequacies. I know, because I've been there too. It's a long time since I used to believe I was pretty much a waste of space, and that everyone I knew would be much better off if I didn't exist, but I haven't forgotten what it was like. I hope you will escape from it too, although I suspect you may need help to get out.

zagubov

Regarding recent posts, can I just say that from my limited experience the good lord never made an ugly NP.

I'm torn between recent comments. Getting a major bit of work done's an important achievement. Nobody take their parachute off halfway through a skydive (I hope).

On the other hand you can get a completion complex where you feel you need to complete something where there's no natural advantage to doing so. You're just meeting society's expectations.

I don't know where they are on this spectrum. My intuition is that they're closer to the former situation than the latter. They may be caught in a "gumption trap" that they can overcome with a bit of effort and I wish them every success in doing so.

Alternatively they may realise they have better paths to follow and if they're sure of that, they deserve our support and they can expect to get that from us.

Generali

zagubov wrote: »

completion complex where you feel you need to complete something where there's no natural advantage to doing so. You're just meeting society's expectations.

What a great piece of advice. Nice one zagubov.

GDB2222

HAMISH_MCTAVISH wrote: »

I have a strange feeling my employer is not taking the "I'm likely to burger off around the world in a large 4wd vehicle shortly" succession planning hints very seriously....

Will they keep the job open for you?

I thought, in any case, that everything Aberdeen based is being put on hold because of the drop in the oil price?

Generali

GDB2222 wrote: »

Will they keep the job open for you?

I thought, in any case, that everything Aberdeen based is being put on hold because of the drop in the oil price?

Are you up early or late or on holiday in Asia?

GDB2222

Nikkster wrote: »

You have every right to comment on that. And you're a beautiful, now happens to be single lady. Just for the record.

That's the only thing I disagree with though... I don't even meet any single men, let alone any I like or further still would like to family-up with (let alone would look twice at me). Thesis is not the problem there, I'm certain.

I sympathise with the idea that Lydia is simply not in a fit state to take on caring for another person, even though that person would presumably care for her, too. I sympathise with you being overwhelmed with the bloody thesis.

I have less sympathy with the notion that there are no men out there or you just don't meet them. The classic advice is to go and do a night school class in a 'male' subject - DIY for example, not that there are many DIY classes any more. Just as an example, I am vaguely thinking of going on a one week gliding course this summer, and I bet that there are mostly going to be men on the course.

Above all, do something you enjoy that does not involve sitting at home with a hot water bottle. If you can develop an interest in something male oriented, so much the better. You seem quite keen on gardening, so have you thought of joining the local horticultural society?

Oh, and I agree with Gen, you are both very, very attractive ladies.

GDB2222

Generali wrote: »

Are you up early or late or on holiday in Asia?

Up early. I returned last night from Berlin, so my body clock is an hour out of kilter.

mystic_trev

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2972776/Gadgets-make-microwave-masterchef-cook-fluffy-omelettes-crispy-bacon-spaghetti.html

LydiaJ

GDB2222 wrote: »

I sympathise with the idea that Lydia is simply not in a fit state to take on caring for another person, even though that person would presumably care for her, too. I sympathise with you being overwhelmed with the bloody thesis.

Thank you for understanding.

GDB2222 wrote: »

I have less sympathy with the notion that there are no men out there or you just don't meet them. The classic advice is to go and do a night school class in a 'male' subject - DIY for example, not that there are many DIY classes any more. Just as an example, I am vaguely thinking of going on a one week gliding course this summer, and I bet that there are mostly going to be men on the course.

Above all, do something you enjoy that does not involve sitting at home with a hot water bottle. If you can develop an interest in something male oriented, so much the better. You seem quite keen on gardening, so have you thought of joining the local horticultural society?

I agree with your suggested strategy, and eventually I hope to try things along those lines, but at present this too is something I am not in a fit state to invest the necessary time and energy into. Even so, I really didn't realise until it happened to me how very different it is being single in your 40s from being single in your 20s. Even if I do go to events where there are likely to be men, the overwhelming majority of men that I meet who are within 20 years either side of my own age are already married or partnered - which is so very different from last time I was single. And of course for me there is the added complication of the faith requirement, and there is a well-documented oversupply of women and shortage of men in the church, again especially over 40.

GDB2222 wrote: »

Oh, and I agree with Gen, you are both very, very attractive ladies.

Thank you very much GDB.

lostinrates

Nikkster wrote: »

Thank you.
I've said that through gritted teeth though as that's the first thing tonight to make me feel truly uncomfortable. Nothing to to with who said it, mind!
I'm neither. Im just a lost girl, sat here with my hot water bottle. That's all.

I have a fuzzy head this morning, reading backwards and not really getting the work related side of this or what I've said to cause trouble again about head fxcks, but as to the looks thing, Nikkster, you know fir and I think you are beautiful. Seems you are getting heftily outvoted here.


What to you do on a daily/regular basis to feel womanly? I believe this little rituals are important for our selves. ( not just for partner attracting but to remain in a place where we feel.......open within oneself, and are created the right......pheromones, vibes, whatever, and also to feel attractive. ).

I never paint my fingernails, because they chip in seconds, and my nails break too often, but my toenails are always painted. No one SEEs them of course, in my slippers, but I know they are painted. I think body cream and brushing is a good regular routine too because ( ok big leap) studies suggest touch has beneficial impact, including stoking pets etc, So , I can stoke my own limbs with some smelly cream and feel I am taking care of myself and think I am doing some aesthetic good too. .

The power of pretty knickers is significant, I have said it before and I say it again. Knowing you face the world in underwear you feel proud of is a secret weapon. Be careful wear you go unarmed.