Nice People 13: Nice Save

Nikkster

silvercar wrote: »

So the photo compilation is approved. In the end I used about 30 photos, of which about 10 had other people in the picture. The one at the end, where the video stops, has him on his own. So one or two are slightly out of sequence, but it means GF is included without being the "future" pic.

DS2 likes it and appreciates the effort.

Well done

Spirit_2

Nikkster wrote: »

I know. And I appreciate it. Truly I do.

My supervisor also put in a lot of effort reading through it. Can't remember whether I mentioned, but I got back the results sections and they were less positive than the intro + methods... but nothing I didn't already know.

It's still further away than just needing a final polish. :

Nikks I may b going against the grain but sometimes it is right to say "I am done with this, and let it go." just as with relationships you can invest a great deal but actually feel a relief when they are over, I have seen a lot of people gain hugely from giving up on draining and less relevant ambitions tied to older aspirations then being free to move on to new more relevant goals in tune with where they are in life now.

this includes very clever women giving up academic or research roles and starting families, senior junior drs who give up on a sub specialty when they accept they are not in the upper half of trainees coming through.

Generali

Nikkster wrote: »

I dunno. Clearly it's a foul habit, but completely prohibiting them from something you've done and stopped? It's a 'discussion' I've had with my parents, at least one of whom has suspected a sibling of doing so.

As someone who should definitely know better, I regularly knowingly consume carcinogens, and probably do so even more frequently unknowingly/ for unknown carcinogens. You won't always know which ones they do.


Edit: but I'm pretty sure that e-cigs/ vaping will become more popular than cigarettes in the near future anyway.

I'm a fairly liberal parent except about smoking. No Smoking Ever. It honestly doesn't bother me if other people smoke but the Generalissimos? Never. I know how hard it is to stop again.

Generali

HAMISH_MCTAVISH wrote: »

I have a strange feeling my employer is not taking the "I'm likely to burger off around the world in a large 4wd vehicle shortly" succession planning hints very seriously....

I had the same thing when my boss didn't renew my contract as revenge for me having the impertinence to get cancer. She'd ask me what I planned to do about x in 6 months time.

'Nothing. What do you plan to do about it? ' was my usual answer. She didn't like that answer very much.

Are you quitting or taking a leave of absence? Any plans to come to Aus?

LydiaJ

Nikkster wrote: »

Thank you Wouldn't suggest for a second that you're even hinting at bullying. It's all very rational and nothing I've not told myself a million times....

I've been trying not to bore you all with this, but thank you for still caring about it. Especially because out of all the NP problems, this is clearly something that was/ is within my control.

Nikkster, I can't help caring about it. It's because I remember so clearly.

I remember the apparently hopeless helplessness of it all. I remember describing it to a friend by saying it wasn't just like wading through treacle, but like wading through treacle of ever increasing viscosity, with no idea which would happen first - getting completely stuck as the treacle solidified round my feet, or finally getting to the end and stepping out onto solid ground. I remember the near impossibility of making progress with the thesis while holding down a job - and I managed it by delegating 100% of domestic responsibility to LNE, which I'm acutely aware you can't do.

But I also remember the euphoria when it was finally over. To begin with I was having moments of pure joy at the thought that it was over and I didn't have to do it any more several times a day - and often several times an hour. By the end of the first year it had slowed down to about once a week, but they were still happening, so great was the relief. And I remember the effect on the rest of my life, the discovery that I was not actually a dull, tired, defeated, boring person, but all that had been the thesis and its effect on me, and that underneath there was a real live person with feelings and desires and enthusiasms, just waiting to make a slow emergence once the crushing weight of the thesis had been removed. I want that for you, very much.

I think my thesis was the first time in my life that I suffered from burnout, although it wasn't diagnosed at the time. I remember gradually recovering my real self from the ashes back then when I had all that help and support from LNE and no children to be responsible for, and I know how much much harder it is to do anything when you're single, because so far I'm not recovering at all from this second experience of it. I'm not imposing a diagnosis of burnout on you, but I do recognise your difficulties with getting down to it as having something in common with mine, and I know as sure as anything that beating myself up and telling myself I'm pathetic for not being able to knuckle down and sort stuff out just makes me feel more paralysed and doesn't result in any progress at all.

So how could I find your thesis issues boring?

And don't you dare imply that your problems are "lesser" than other NP's problems. You know very well that we don't do that on here. NP experience stuff, and other NP support them through it, and nobody makes judgements about who's dealing with something bigger or worse than who else. Life threatening illnesses and difficulties choosing appliances and everything in between - all are welcome here.

zagubov wrote: »

Kingston for both ours. First time was in a giant ward of the type the victorians built. The ceilings were perfectly visible using the most powerful telescopes. Second time , the new maternity ward was like a human-sized set from Tracy Island of Thunderbirds fame where all the furniture rotated to reveal consoles and equipment.

CCTV cameras watch you going in and out and it was like Fort Knox. Overall, very happy with the place.

Going there next week for non-maternity treatment.

I had both mine in St Michael's hospital in Bristol, and they were great. All the staff I saw with DS were lovely, and although one of the midwives I had for DD was uncommunicative and unhelpful, all the other staff were just as wonderful as I'd had for DS.

Generali wrote: »

When I see someone smoking it just looks wierd now, like I don't really understand what they are doing. I have to force myself not to stare.:rotfl:

I think that can happen with anything that you do many times a day for ages and then stop for years, whether the thing in question was a good, bad or neutral thing. I find myself feeling something similar when I see a woman breastfeeding in public - it looks weird and I have to remind myself that that used to be me.

HAMISH_MCTAVISH

Generali wrote: »

Are you quitting or taking a leave of absence? Any plans to come to Aus?

The former, and yes, that is currently scheduled to be the finishing point of the grand misadventure, although given MrsMcT's map reading skills, who knows where we'll end up really.....

Generali

HAMISH_MCTAVISH wrote: »

The former, and yes, that is currently scheduled to be the finishing point of the grand misadventure, although given MrsMcT's map reading skills, who knows where we'll end up really.....

Nice one. Perhaps we can borrow/hire something and tag along for a couple of days.

Just remember, if they are mangling their vowels you have ended up in Canada or New Zealand by mistake.

LydiaJ

silvercar wrote: »

So the photo compilation is approved. In the end I used about 30 photos, of which about 10 had other people in the picture. The one at the end, where the video stops, has him on his own. So one or two are slightly out of sequence, but it means GF is included without being the "future" pic.

DS2 likes it and appreciates the effort.

Excellent news. :T

Nikkster wrote: »

If I had a choice, I out of the two I'd find a relationship and start a family. I have maximum respect for my many Dr. friends (and I include Lydia in that, and Dr. Tifosi if he wouldn't find it too strange), but I'm also more than a little disillusioned with the whole 'club' of it all anyway.

I am just as much a scientist without the piece of paper, in fact probably more than I was before - I have a completely different persctive on it now, which I think mainstream science will catch up on in time (it's something lir has also touched on re how experimental results might not really reflect reality that well), but undermines my confidence in just about everything (when talking about Lydia's DS's options, LIR mentioned it would be a head f*ck (in more delicate terms) - yes, it is).

I've thought about it (a lot, multiple time) and I'm not ready to make the proactive choice to give it up though.

So until I make my move it looks like I'm going to stay, gnawing at myself , in limbo.

Thanks all for your thoughts about this. I've not been talking about it IRL either (I'm sure everyone is over it now apart from me), but it's been occupying my thoughts.

Edit: and it's not the same as giving up a job/ career path - this *should* be a case of crossing a few 'i's and dotting a few 't's. I've just found another way round that path, but it would be good to go back and fill it in in case I ever needed to backtrack.

Edit2: I'm properly f*d up with this - in terms of I can't seem to move forward in any direction with it. I am aware of the range of options and the implications for me and others though.

You are more of a scientist than I am, Dr or no Dr. I washed out of the research career idea, remember?

And as far as a family is concerned ... I totally understand that you can't give it up until you feel ready, but I think you underestimate the extend to which being rid of the bl00dy thing (whether by finishing it or giving it up) will put a spring in your step and a laugh in your eyes ... which would help with the "attracting the right man" deal, without which starting a family is more problematic.

Yeah yeah, I know, I've no leg to stand on and no right to talk, having made precisely no progress with the "attracting the right man" deal myself. I still think I'm right, though.

Generali

Nikkster wrote: »

You have every right to comment on that. And you're a beautiful, now happens to be single lady. Just for the record.

That's the only thing I disagree with though... I don't even meet any single men, let alone any I like or further still would like to family-up with (let alone would look twice at me). Thesis is not the problem there, I'm certain.

FWIW I think you're a very attractive woman.

Generali

Nikkster wrote: »

Thank you.
I've said that through gritted teeth though as that's the first thing tonight to make me feel truly uncomfortable. Nothing to to with who said it, mind!
I'm neither. Im just a lost girl, sat here with my hot water bottle. That's all.

Sorry to make you feel uncomfortable. It's not a chat-up line, just a statement of fact.