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Nice People 13: Nice Save
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vivatifosi wrote: »You have to climb mountains when many of us have only to deal with hills.
And with a LOT less whinging than some of us
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Sounds like you (as well as the boys) need a good coping strategy to handle what appears to us outsiders as an inevitable consequence of these visits.
I eventually calmed them down with a nice visit out to the town centre and a CD and Vinyl record sale. It was enough to distract them with the added bonus they saw some friends and were able to relax further.
Didn't wipe the previous 5 hours from my brain but at least we ended the day on a positive.We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.0 -
:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:
The man does not deserve to have sons.
Did they want to see him? I thought they'd pretty much written him off already. I am so sorry for you and them that you've had such an upsetting time. He is not worth it.
Youngest has always been a bit meh but Josh was looking forward to it..I think it is more to do with the fact they feel pushed out, an afterthought as everything else has been prioritised apart from him spending time with them....it made them feel unwanted and a hassle.We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.0 -
Youngest has always been a bit meh but Josh was looking forward to it..I think it is more to do with the fact they feel pushed out, an afterthought as everything else has been prioritised apart from him spending time with them....it made them feel unwanted and a hassle.
Of course they feel unwanted. They ARE unwanted. (By him, I mean, not by you or their friends or your wider family etc etc etc.)
The kindest thing you can do for Josh is to help him come to terms with the fact that his dad does not want him, but that this has nothing to do with Josh's value as a human being and everything to do with his dad being an idiot. Next time he is due, help Josh to understand that his dad may or may not turn up, and will almost certainly spend little time with him and behave in various predictable unsatisfactory ways according to his established pattern.
This is NOT unfairly dissing your ex. It is helping your sons to be realistic judges of character. Hope is good. Believing the best of people is good. But expecting people to rise to behaviour that is unprecedented for them isn't hope, it's just a wish, and a wish that's doomed to be disappointed. Encouraging Josh to wish that this time his dad will be different is just setting him up for pain, upset, and the autistic consequences that follow.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.
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Mil lives in an old mill house it's 3 fields from the road and only one field has a track. When it rains a lot it's not a given that a 4x4 won't get stuck so I will be taking wellies today just in case the clapped out off road only RR can't make it. On the plus side the brakes now work for the first time in a year and they put off road tyres I found them on recently.
Oh and I graduated on Thursday.
Congratulations Tom :beer:
We'll presume it's a first class honours in rocket surgery from Oxbridge university, don't tell us any different.;)Just posted this on the motoring board. Wondered if any of the NP have any suggestions? The staff in Halford's weren't able to help.
Got one of the screen mounted cheapy phone holders that were reduced to clear at Mr Ts (mentioned on another thread here some time back). Wonder how much bandwidth it uses up if you use a phone as GPS with google maps? My payg deal costs 1p per Mb.
I had to go to inner London last week and I could have done with a human walking satnav for finding my way about near the Barbican. There is no honour to be had in not knowing a thing that can be known - Danny Baker0 -
Got one of the screen mounted cheapy phone holders that were reduced to clear at Mr Ts (mentioned on another thread here some time back).
Shape of the car makes screen mounted no good unless on swan neck, which doesn't seem to be available any more - or not in Halford's when I looked, anyway.Wonder how much bandwidth it uses up if you use a phone as GPS with google maps? My payg deal costs 1p per Mb.
I'm on contract. I think the data allowance usually covers it. I don't use data for anything else, and don't use the satnav very often.I had to go to inner London last week and I could have done with a human walking satnav for finding my way about near the Barbican.
Google maps satnav app on phone will work for walking as well as driving.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
Shape of the car makes screen mounted no good unless on swan neck, which doesn't seem to be available any more - or not in Halford's when I looked, anyway.
I'm on contract. I think the data allowance usually covers it. I don't use data for anything else, and don't use the satnav very often.
Google maps satnav app on phone will work for walking as well as driving.
I have about 500mb a month seems fine for all emails including attach.e TS and sat nav and some tethering as long as you don't watch TV or bids you don't need too much.
I love the fact that google maps on line also knows how to do public transport including connections.
Sue can your boys understand that just as they have difficulties with understanding others feelings at times that their dad has a similar problem and is only able to think about his own desires rather than being able to empathise with them. I know kids like to think their parents are amazing but part of growing up is realising they are also human.I think....0 -
PasturesNew wrote: »Well done, what in? Are you a rocket scientist, or did you do meejah studyz?
I guess it's mostly just me and Sue here now without one. Who else doesn't have a degree/higher?
Me! I've got a couple of 'O' Levels though
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Sue can your boys understand that just as they have difficulties with understanding others feelings at times that their dad has a similar problem and is only able to think about his own desires rather than being able to empathise with them. I know kids like to think their parents are amazing but part of growing up is realising they are also human.
Interesting idea. It might help. I'm all for explaining that the absent parent's shortcomings may not be deliberate, and for saying as much as you truthfully can about them that is positive and/or understanding. I'm not sure that it would do much for the problem of feeling unwanted to say that he doesn't come to see them because he can only consider what he wants, though.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
Wonder how much bandwidth it uses up if you use a phone as GPS with google maps? My payg deal costs 1p per Mb.
(
I don't know about bandwidth, but it uses a lot of battery. I had the phone on a back-up charging unit at the same time as using it as a sat-nav, the battery level was still dropping, so it was using up at a faster rate than it was being recharged. The phone also got hot.I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages & student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.0
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