Nice People 13: Nice Save

LydiaJ

lostinrates wrote: »

Do you think a talking therapy might help with the emotional aspect?

Quite possibly. Finding the right therapist is difficult, though. I saw a counsellor for about six months in the first half of this year. She was a lovely person and I enjoyed talking to her, but I didn't find it was helping me make any progress. I think her focus was in the wrong place - she kept wanting me to talk about the various traumatic events of the past 10 years, whereas I feel I've done pretty well about dealing with the emotional fallout from those. It didn't go so well when I tried to talk about "live" feelings - ie ones that I don't feel I've dealt with yet, like about how I can make plans but don't follow through on them, and how I feel I'm letting my kids down by being like this and so on. She just kept telling me I was being too hard on myself and should cut myself some slack, which didn't actually help. I might try one of the therapists that I am taking DD to meet if they strike me as able to be a better fit to what I need than the last one was.

Generali wrote: »

Regarding the not getting motivated. Might some change of a part of your life get you motivated. I've really struggled with that in the past few months. The depression I think I had has gone (I think) but TBH I'm just over what I'm doing. Is there a hobby you would like to take up or a community group you would like to help or a sports/darts/bridge team you would like to join? I've found that sort of thing helpful in the past: a fun commitment that gets me out of the house and forces me to meet people.

Thanks. That's an excellent idea that I realised a while ago. I joined a group attached to my church and go to it on Wednesday evenings, which is definitely good for me. I also try really quite hard to make sure that I book up something social to do (usually but not always meeting a friend on my day off) every week. Sometimes it doesn't work out or the person cancels or something, but I think I make it happen often enough to have the right effect. Also, the NPT give me social contact with other adults even when my family responsibilities mean I need to be in my house.

Edit: OK, now I have a bit less than an hour until I need to set off to take DS to the dentist. Let's see how much I can get done in that time.

PasturesNew

Mrs Furry's been. There's been no nibbling going on, so I've been furry free for two weeks at least. The end.

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

Mrs Furry's been. There's been no nibbling going on, so I've been furry free for two weeks at least. The end.

Our furries are moving back in for winter now....kiwi wants to spend hours round the little chicken house and has dug big holes.

Generali

Oh, Generali's tidying plan:

- Stick some upbeat music on or sports on the TV
- Start in the corner of a room with a defined time span to work.
- Put each thing away that I come across if it has a home in that room. If it doesn't, chuck it into one of a number of piles corresponding to the other rooms in the house
- Once I've worked through the allotted time I'm done and whatever I've achieved is a success as I've defined success by working for an hour (or whatever) rather than achieving an outcome.

Talk to a project manager and that is a perfectly decent definition of success. There are 3:

- Work for x time and do what I can
- Spend £y and do what I can
- Achieve z spending whatever time and/or money it takes.

Mrs Generali is a terrible hoarder. I'm constantly battling against her crap. It can be (NB can be not is) a symptom of depression apparently.

PasturesNew

To tidy it is essential that everything has a place. If things don't have a place then you can never tidy them - it just looks tidy until you need to search for something, use something, or move something to get at something else.

lostinrates

Generali wrote: »

Oh, Generali's tidying plan:

- Stick some upbeat music on or sports on the TV
- Start in the corner of a room with a defined time span to work.
- Put each thing away that I come across if it has a home in that room. If it doesn't, chuck it into one of a number of piles corresponding to the other rooms in the house
- Once I've worked through the allotted time I'm done and whatever I've achieved is a success as I've defined success by working for an hour (or whatever) rather than achieving an outcome.

Talk to a project manager and that is a perfectly decent definition of success. There are 3:
.

I do something similar...piles for different places( as opposed to putting , work in a organised order. I do ten things minimum ( I aim for ten and usually get twelve to fifteen done) then take stock or a break because I need one. I also like to clean as I go, because I find the nice smells keep me going.

E.g. In our bedroom firs bedside table is a corner. I like to clean that first ( its always cleaner than mine because I run out of energy before getting to Mine to often, lol) then the window ( so we look decent from out side....apart from a bird poop outside that I cannot reach...grrrrr) across edge of room then end of bed, back to edge of room then......

Tired.....

So the corner and my side gets a bit rough, lol.

lostinrates

There has been much speculation at fir's office about where they will be relocating to ( they are outgrowing their office space). People have based decisions on things like buying homes n this speculation. Today its ended....they are moving over the road, not to the docklands. This is good for fir.

SingleSue

LydiaJ wrote: »

Yes I think I am less physically tired now.

They didn't have much effect on the emotional/psychological "can't get motivated" part of it, though.

Many years ago I taught with an older teacher who told me about a time in the 1960s or early 1970s when she had been prescribed amphetamines for weight loss. She said "It was amazing. It wasn't just that I lost weight, but ALL my lessons were prepared on time, which they never have been before or since."

I am nowhere near stupid enough to take speed now, but I must admit there are days when I think wistfully of what she said and wish there were something safe and harmless that would have the same effect. Merely correcting a vitamin deficiency didn't have quite such a dramatic effect.

Fatigue and lack of motivation are my biggest problems too, even now when my motivation is higher than it has been for years.

I'm fine when I can do things in my own time, not so fine when people are pressuring for things to be done..all my motivation goes.

I'm still sensitive over the house, I still want to hide away, still thinks it looks a mess but at the same time, am immensely proud of what I have achieved since May. We no longer have to dodge piles of things in the front room and the floor is totally clear of things (apart from the essentials,sofa, telly etc) but now I focus on the little things, like the CDs need reordering and go back to feeling eugh again.

We can go up and down the stairs without having to slide around the piles of things sitting on them...instead I look at my tatty carpet and feel eugh again.

So on and so forth.

I'll never be a minimilist, I like my pictures and bits and bobs too much but on the other hand, I am not sure my head will get out of this disorganised person mindset, I will never think my house is as good as anyone elses no matter how clean and clear I get it and will always think someone is judging it whenever they come in and wanting to run for the hills as it is so horrible.

lostinrates

SingleSue wrote: »

I'll never be a minimilist, I like my pictures and bits and bobs too much but on the other hand, I am not sure my head will get out of this disorganised person mindset, I will never think my house is as good as anyone elses no matter how clean and clear I get it and will always think someone is judging it whenever they come in and wanting to run for the hills as it is so horrible.

Sue, people come to see you, not the house. Personally, I don't think much about other people's houses other than 'not for me' or ' love that'. If its for them, so be it!

Personally, not minimalist iS for me . I like a place to reflect who lives there. For our house the boxes and clutter get in the way of that because i am a person who likes things to be unpacked and pretty. That's why the things on cupboard tops don't suit me. For others its a solution.....off the floor out of the way and somewhere safe. I feel our medium term book solution is compromise enough from me on that front and so its where I plan to stop for now.

lostinrates

Question: leave utility unheated or bung in some underfloor? Don't expect it would be heated very often at all, the dryer makes it quite warm in there, maybe electric underfloor is worth considering, very small floor space, very small room.....