Nice People 13: Nice Save

silvercar

I wonder if it's like mushrooms... whether a maximalist approach to home styling is an NP norm. Though I've seen the pics of Casa Doozetti and the occasional pic of chez silver... they are stunning and clearly exempt.

That is because you only see pictures of the good bits.

Spirit_2

[QUOTE=vivatifosi;668

I wonder if it's like mushrooms... whether a maximalist approach to home styling is an NP norm. Though I've seen the pics of Casa Doozetti and the occasional pic of chez silver... they are stunning and clearly exempt.[/QUOTE]

my daughter's bedroom is totally messy.she has too much stuffnot enough storage , hoarder tendencies,and poor personal organisation skills .she does not spread to other rooms because we step in but her room is her space.she releases the crockery that she takes hostage on a regular basis , changes bedclothes and does her laundry so it is not unsanitary.my niece is coming for the day on 7/11 and has offered to do some cleaning. she enjoys sorting things out, I am going to ask her if she will blitz dd's room . dd has agreed which is a sign to me that this has got beyond her and she cannot help herself out of it. I am not cross with DD this is a long term issue and over recent months she has stepped up to the plate and taken a full share of cooking cleaning and caring without a single whinge.

yesterday morning oh had a virus, dd was recovering from the vomiting and migraine she had through the night but atttended to Oh and I, cleaned up the kitchen sorted the dog out. after work she went and did the horse then came home and made dinner for us all.if she owes us money she repays it immediately. oh sorted out a new tyre for her last week after a blow out. she had transferred in the money to pay for it by the end of the day.I will be interested in how lydia's dd does with counselling as this one thing is beyond dds control and some help beyond blitzing is needed.

PasturesNew

Spirit wrote: »

... yesterday ...

I noticed you were too busy to join us yesterday!

PasturesNew

(Thinks she's) posh journalist woman + nightmare children writes article where she tracked down as many of her 14 au-pairs as possible and asked them what they thought of her when she realised, after 14 of them, the problem might be her and her monsters.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2813322/What-foreign-au-pairs-really-think-British-mothers-SHONA-SIBARY-s-14-years-dared-ask-blisteringly-honest-verdicts-make-hair-curl.html

LydiaJ

Nikkster wrote: »

I'd try and start with making the living room fine and trying to keep it that way.

Sounds like that suitcase is a good place to start.

When is DD's help starting? This isn't something that is entirely within your powers to address, you need help from your co-habitants too.

Have a slightly dodgy hug from me (not least because that means I can sneak one back from you too ) :grouphug:

At some point I'll cheer you up with a pic of my broken wall. My house looks particularly classy from the street at the moment with a broken wall, overgrown patchy grass and a couple of half-dead hanging baskets.

Thank you. You make me feel better.

DD's help is starting when I get it sorted. Making initial appointments for her to meet therapists so she can choose the one she wants is on my list of things to do today.

lostinrates wrote: »

I agree the suitcase is a good, contained, place to start, and living room, so you have that nice adult space back.

I think play room is important, Regardless of dd's needing help ds should not have to live with it in their communal space. But if you could get living room back then dining room, I think your house would be better than many people's. The trick might be to think of dd's stuff separately. Is the garage full? Can her stuff be boxed and garaged until help arrives so she can at least fit in one room upstairs?

I will do the suitcase today.

Yes the garage is already full. Never mind. I am going to take the advice that you and Nikkster and the others have given me and not think about the rest of the house until the living room is sorted.

SingleSue wrote: »

I know that feeling well as that was my house for a very long time. The way it worked for me (and this is only me, we all have our own ways of dealing with things), was to pick one small area of a room, never the whole room, to sort and do that. Then I would move onto the next area, maybe not the same session of clearing but I would set aside a little bit of time and tackle that one bit.

Ok, it takes more time but I found it was not quite so overwhelming (or tiring!) to do it this way. Setting smaller targets helped me feel not quite a failure because I had run out of time or was too tired to finish a room in a day. Do things at a pace to suit you, even clearing just a small amount of clutter a day is better than none at all and treat each bit of clearance as a triumph.

Please don't do what I did and look at the whole job, it scared the life out of me and made it all seem so impossible to do, hence why it got so out of hand..it was only when my analytical brain finally kicked in that I realised that just like with the boys when working on an aspect of their behaviour, that I needed to break it down into the smallest of components to finally overcome it.

Thank you Sue. You make me feel you really understand.

I have had small or even bigger victories over various parts of the house many times. Because of the burnout I do not always have the energy and/or motivation to stop DD (and sometimes DS) unsorting them again.

The living room, dining room, kitchen, hall, conservatory, bathrooms and my bedroom do at least get tidy enough for the cleaner to clean them (although that doesn't mean free of piles and boxes) every Tuesday.

Spirit wrote: »

my daughter's bedroom is totally messy.she has too much stuffnot enough storage , hoarder tendencies,and poor personal organisation skills .she does not spread to other rooms because we step in but her room is her space.she releases the crockery that she takes hostage on a regular basis , changes bedclothes and does her laundry so it is not unsanitary.my niece is coming for the day on 7/11 and has offered to do some cleaning. she enjoys sorting things out, I am going to ask her if she will blitz dd's room . dd has agreed which is a sign to me that this has got beyond her and she cannot help herself out of it. I am not cross with DD this is a long term issue and over recent months she has stepped up to the plate and taken a full share of cooking cleaning and caring without a single whinge.

You make me feel understood too. This is similar (but not exactly the same) to the way I feel about DS and his room.

OK, so, list for today:
Deal with suitcase in living room
Take DS to dentist(and deliver some things I need to take into work, because we'll park there)
Buy present for DD to take to birthday party tomorrow
Make appointments with therapists

I should be able to manage that, I think. I have finished my marking and last night I wrote my test, so I have run out of school work to use as an excuse for not dealing with the domestic side of things.

lostinrates

Lydia, did the injections have any noticeable impact?

LydiaJ

lostinrates wrote: »

Lydia, did the injections have any noticeable impact?

Yes I think I am less physically tired now.

They didn't have much effect on the emotional/psychological "can't get motivated" part of it, though.

Many years ago I taught with an older teacher who told me about a time in the 1960s or early 1970s when she had been prescribed amphetamines for weight loss. She said "It was amazing. It wasn't just that I lost weight, but ALL my lessons were prepared on time, which they never have been before or since."

I am nowhere near stupid enough to take speed now, but I must admit there are days when I think wistfully of what she said and wish there were something safe and harmless that would have the same effect. Merely correcting a vitamin deficiency didn't have quite such a dramatic effect.

lostinrates

Do you think a talking therapy might help with the emotional aspect?

Generali

LydiaJ wrote: »

Yes I think I am less physically tired now.

They didn't have much effect on the emotional/psychological "can't get motivated" part of it, though.

Many years ago I taught with an older teacher who told me about a time in the 1960s or early 1970s when she had been prescribed amphetamines for weight loss. She said "It was amazing. It wasn't just that I lost weight, but ALL my lessons were prepared on time, which they never have been before or since."

I am nowhere near stupid enough to take speed now, but I must admit there are days when I think wistfully of what she said and wish there were something safe and harmless that would have the same effect. Merely correcting a vitamin deficiency didn't have quite such a dramatic effect.

Regarding the not getting motivated. Might some change of a part of your life get you motivated. I've really struggled with that in the past few months. The depression I think I had has gone (I think) but TBH I'm just over what I'm doing. Is there a hobby you would like to take up or a community group you would like to help or a sports/darts/bridge team you would like to join? I've found that sort of thing helpful in the past: a fun commitment that gets me out of the house and forces me to meet people.

Nikkster

LydiaJ wrote: »

I have had small or even bigger victories over various parts of the house many times. Because of the burnout I do not always have the energy and/or motivation to stop DD (and sometimes DS) unsorting them again.

The living room, dining room, kitchen, hall, conservatory, bathrooms and my bedroom do at least get tidy enough for the cleaner to clean them (although that doesn't mean free of piles and boxes) every Tuesday.

That first para sounds a lot like how I feel about my writing. Or not writing.

Second para - don't underestimate that. That's a lot of rooms that are tidy enough for someone to get around a clean. Looking forward to an update on that suitcase. Good luck with your list.