Finding a compromise? Any tips?!

Person_one

notanewuser wrote: »

Come along with them? I think you may have missed the points in some of my earlier posts.


DD would have to wait weeks to be able to have her party on a different day. It's a fluke that all of her friends are available that day - and 2 of them will be travelling quite a distance for it. I'll divorce DH before I drop that.

Do you actually want suggestions, or will there be a reason why every one of them won't work, as in previous threads?

If you just want to have a rant, that's fine, understandable, but let us know so we don't waste our time trying to offer help!

meritaten

notanewuser wrote: »

That obvious, huh?!

Okay, the short version. It's DD's birthday in a couple of weeks. There is so much going on in October that I really just wanted to keep it simple. So I arranged, loosely, that we'd get her best friends together for a little tea party and that DH and I would take her somewhere fun for a day trip (stay over etc). All of this was discussed and agreed with DH.

He was working near where they live one day this week, so he went up there for a day and a night, then came back and announced that his parents, brother and a couple of kids wanted to come down that weekend and stay with us. That means cancelling the day trip, changes the dynamic of her tea party and gives me 3 more adults and 2 small children to wait on hand and foot during a weekend i should be enjoying with DD. Oh, but hang on, it depends whether a tradesman they're waiting for is available that week. They won't know until a few days before.

I suggested that they stay in the hotel down the road. Nope. I suggested that we get October out of the way and invite them down for bonfire night instead. He went mad.

As an added complication, 2 of our bedrooms are upside down at the moment. I start the second year of a degree next week and could really do without getting behind straight away because I'm clearing bedrooms for people that may or may not come.

Grrrrrrr.

oops - just read this - was posting 'blind' before.
tell him 'Fine, go ahead, but YOU are making all the arrangements, YOU are telling DD the new arrangements, You are doing all the work'. !!!!!! - who comes first here? Your DD or OHs family?

notanewuser

meritaten wrote: »

Simple - I give in, then spend years bringing it up, and saying, 'you should have listened to me - I was right all along'. its very satisfying. and infuriates OH.

I've done that. 2 years ago we had 14 of them (and 1 massive dog) stay for the weekend. He agreed then never again. Seems to have slipped his mind this week with one whiff of the apron strings, along with all of the plans we've made with other people.

I think he's so desperate for them to acknowledge his existence that he literally can't see what they're like!

notanewuser

Person_one wrote: »

Do you actually want suggestions, or will there be a reason why every one of them won't work, as in previous threads?

If you just want to have a rant, that's fine, understandable, but let us know so we don't waste our time trying to offer help!

I want suggestions of how to get this across to DH.

Am I not allowed to question posts I don't understand?

meritaten

another suggestion - you and DD slope off for a 'girly weekend'. leave OH to entertain his family.

notanewuser

theoretica wrote: »

Your daughter can be like the Queen and have two birthdays.

She usually does, lol. One down here and then we take her up north when we can for a family get together up there. With all 5 cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents, great grandparents etc.

notanewuser

meritaten wrote: »

another suggestion - you and DD slope off for a 'girly weekend'. leave OH to entertain his family.

DD will be 4. Can you have a girlie weekend with a 4 year old?

What about her party? 2 friends will be travelling for about 3 hours for it.

notanewuser

balletshoes wrote: »

I'd be very tempted to do just that - you have 2 rooms out of commission at home, you have plans which may or may not have to changed at very short notice, and it would probably be a lot easier and more relaxing for you if you stayed in a hotel (you could even take your daughter, make it a treat for her) and then dropped back to the house to meet up with your in-laws as and when. I can imagine that would also go down like a lead balloon with your OH though - difficult situation to be put in, especially as its not really a one-off (which I would accept, grit my teeth and just soldier through).

Hmmmm. Will consider that.

(But how to suggest that to DH without starting WW3?)

Mojisola

notanewuser wrote: »

The weekend of our daughter's birthday?

Either take her with you as a birthday treat or leave your OH to organise everything at home and arrive in time for the birthday party.

Either you do something drastic so that he understands just how much work it is to have his family there or put up with it when it happens again and again.

notanewuser

Mojisola wrote: »

Either take her with you as a birthday treat or leave your OH to organise everything at home and arrive in time for the birthday party.

Either you do something drastic so that he understands just how much work it is to have his family there or put up with it when it happens again and again.

True. Would just rather not do it when it's DD's birthday. It's the only year her birthday won't be on a school day. :undecided