Finding a compromise? Any tips?!

notanewuser

Mojisola wrote: »

How about you book into the hotel with some of your uni work and let him do all the planning and organising and wait on them all weekend?

The weekend of our daughter's birthday?

Bella73

I think I would say to him nicely that of course they can come darling, no idea where they are going to sleep as as you know the bedrooms will never be ready...have they got sleeping bags?

When are you (to him) going shopping for the food at the last minute etc.

Just tell him they can come but he's got to do the work, only fair as it's his relatives and not proper notice.

Plus yes it might cost a fortune for him to clear the rooms but it's for his family so surely he will have to make the sacrifice. I certainly wouldn't do it for him, if he's bit prepared to do it then it has to be the hotel.

Armorica

Definitely not. You've made arrangements for DD's friends.

His family can come the week after.

notanewuser

Armorica wrote: »

Definitely not. You've made arrangements for DD's friends.

His family can come the week after.

They can. We'll be at the other side of the country at a wedding, but they can. That might be the best option, actually!

(As I said, October is manic. We've no free weekends, and only 8 days without some extra curricular activity on. That's on top of work, school and studying!)

lazywife

I'm with you that it's a pain, but I have in-laws that do exactly the same. Unfortunately DH is like your and says, oh it's fine, it's no problem. I would give in, plan the tea party for your DD the week after, if the MIL etc don't come, she's still got her birthday with you and her "party" he week after to look forward to. Keep things simple, and plan ahead. They will have this, this and this to eat, the meals will be then and then and DD will have her party tea with them at this time. If they want to go along with that great, if they want to do something different, let them, but then they shouldn't be offended if you can't drop everything and come along with them.
Sorry, but unfortunately in my experience if it comes down to it it's easier to give in... it's tricky to change a mans thoughts from the ones that his mum's told him are right.
L.xxx

sooty&sweep

Hi

To be honest it'll never go down well if you insinuate that his parents aren't welcome to visit and join in their Grand daughter's birthday weekend.

However I suggest you give him the list of what will need to be done to accomodate his parents for the weekend and get him to confirm when he'll be able to complete that list.

I don't see that you need to take on the extra work that his parents visit creates.

Jen

meritaten

Simple - I give in, then spend years bringing it up, and saying, 'you should have listened to me - I was right all along'. its very satisfying. and infuriates OH.

notanewuser

lazywife wrote: »

I'm with you that it's a pain, but I have in-laws that do exactly the same. Unfortunately DH is like your and says, oh it's fine, it's no problem. I would give in, plan the tea party for your DD the week after, if the MIL etc don't come, she's still got her birthday with you and her "party" he week after to look forward to. Keep things simple, and plan ahead. They will have this, this and this to eat, the meals will be then and then and DD will have her party tea with them at this time. If they want to go along with that great, if they want to do something different, let them, but then they shouldn't be offended if you can't drop everything and come along with them.
Sorry, but unfortunately in my experience if it comes down to it it's easier to give in... it's tricky to change a mans thoughts from the ones that his mum's told him are right.
L.xxx

Come along with them? I think you may have missed the points in some of my earlier posts.


DD would have to wait weeks to be able to have her party on a different day. It's a fluke that all of her friends are available that day - and 2 of them will be travelling quite a distance for it. I'll divorce DH before I drop that.

theoretica

notanewuser wrote: »

The weekend of our daughter's birthday?

Your daughter can be like the Queen and have two birthdays.

balletshoes

notanewuser wrote: »

The weekend of our daughter's birthday?

I'd be very tempted to do just that - you have 2 rooms out of commission at home, you have plans which may or may not have to changed at very short notice, and it would probably be a lot easier and more relaxing for you if you stayed in a hotel (you could even take your daughter, make it a treat for her) and then dropped back to the house to meet up with your in-laws as and when. I can imagine that would also go down like a lead balloon with your OH though - difficult situation to be put in, especially as its not really a one-off (which I would accept, grit my teeth and just soldier through).