Argh Inlaws - am I being ungrateful??

pollypenny

duchy wrote: »

Sounds like you felt you were in competition with her ! (or maybe you just don't like her? )

Did you not think.......... I've had the joy and pleasure of having the baby all day-Mum had to work and now she's home she wants HER time with her child ?

Maybe neither of you are very good at sharing ! It's very sad you came away with such awful resentment over what could have been a wonderful bonding experience for all of you.

Did you discuss how you felt with your son at the time ? (btw weren't those rules his rules too?)

What 'awful resentment'? Have you not seen my posts referring to 'lovely DiL'?

My point is that surely families work together for the little ones they adore!

DS could see that DIL was an over fussy, nervous first time mother, as we all were, I expect.

Edit to add: I did not ever tell DiL that I felt like the hired help.

pinkshoes

Judi wrote: »

That isn't what you said earlier. you said the wait would have been boring....

Make your mind up.

??? The waiting would have been boring for any 3 year old, but it's not hard to take stuff with me to entertain him! The pros would by far have outweighed the cons!

Mojisola wrote: »

How did they do this? Why didn't you just tell them that you'd got the day planned and would see them at 5pm, as arranged?

How did they insist? Well they came up with the idea that they'd like to take him to some animal park thing and would be back by 3pm. They were keen and eager, so I agreed.

I (wrongly) assumed that the timing thing was sorted after the previous week and having to let my friend down, so didn't see an issue.

pollypenny

Actually, it's interesting that DiL was far more relaxed and easy-going with GDS 2. We were trusted to feed him when we knew he was ready and similarly with his naps.

Spendless

pinkshoes wrote: »

DS attends nursery on the 4 days i work. The other day me and him go on adventures and meet up with friends. Bear hunts, picnic, parks etc...

Any babysitting is done by my friends on a swap basis (i babysit for them), or sometimes BIL babysits if he wants to escape for the evening. The inlaws never offer to babysit, nor do we ask. I don't think they enjoy it as DS is asleep and they prefer him awake!

I am not sure why this is relevant.

I was happy to take DS with me to hospital. He is a good boy and would have been very excited at the ambulances and the bus ride! I was then going to take him to his favourite museum afterwards, then meet up with a friend at 3pm.

I was then dropping him off at 5pm at the in-laws, as agreed a week before, although i was not dependent on them. DS could have come with me to school, and DH would have picked him up after work.

They insisted on taking him out in the day and knew my afternoon plans.

I am not sure why some people are painting me as the bad guy here when was trying to keep the inlaws happy but ended up letting a friend down again because of them.

Did you re-iterate this when you dropped him off on the day? Is it possible they forgot you were picking him up at 3pm and then returning again at 5pm? Perhaps they thought that sounded like too much rushing around and you'd changed your mind about the play date. When you went and picked him up from your IL's did you (politely) mention 'had you forgotten I intended picking him up at 3?' Only your ILs can answer why they did what they did, but I don't think they set out to deliberately hurt or upset you.

duchy

Spendless wrote: »

Did you re-iterate this when you dropped him off on the day? Is it possible they forgot you were picking him up at 3pm and then returning again at 5pm? Perhaps they thought that sounded like too much rushing around .

Not their decision to make. The OP is an adult -she can decide for herself. The grandparents may not agree but OP's call both for herself and her child.
Grandparents don't have "rights" to decide for a child- that's that parent's job.

Newly_retired

I can understand OP's frustration, but can't help feeling it is all being blown out of proportion.

I often find it works the other way when I'm doing childcare. I might plan a day's outing, only to discover I need to get him back for a certain time in the middle of the day, which wrecks my plans.

victory

Newly_retired wrote: »

I can understand OP's frustration, but can't help feeling it is all being blown out of proportion.

I often find it works the other way when I'm doing childcare. I might plan a day's outing, only to discover I need to get him back for a certain time in the middle of the day, which wrecks my plans.

I totally agree with this.

I also agree that if the GP had agreed//remembered to have GS back at 3pm to go on a play date that should have been as so but and this is the but... no one exactly knew what time mum would be finished at the hospita....

GS was most probably getting restless and bored and the day was beautiful and sunny so they chose to take him on the boat, enjoy their time together and have a lovely pleasant day, I understand it was not their call that they should have stuck to 3pm but he came to no harm, he was well looked after and loved, had a great day out and everyone made memories.


Mum not impressed by their time keeping, 3pm is in the middle of the day and stops a day out on the boat, time keeping in retirement is not necessary although yes should be adhered to, true but it really is not worth falling out over, especially as they are all going to live together very soon.

victory

Also, as frustrating as it was to have to let a friend down, you could have either gone yourself, not the same I know that or rang up and explained what was going on and you would make it again on x day, I am sure if the friend was a true friend would have completely understood and no harm done to the friendship, inconvenient yes but nothing more than that:D

Spendless

duchy wrote: »

Not their decision to make. The OP is an adult -she can decide for herself. The grandparents may not agree but OP's call both for herself and her child.
Grandparents don't have "rights" to decide for a child- that's that parent's job.

I think you need to read all of what I've written as you've got rid of the relevant part.

Spendless wrote: »

Did you re-iterate this when you dropped him off on the day? Is it possible they forgot you were picking him up at 3pm and then returning again at 5pm? Perhaps they thought that sounded like too much rushing around and you'd changed your mind about the play date. When you went and picked him up from your IL's did you (politely) mention 'had you forgotten I intended picking him up at 3?' Only your ILs can answer why they did what they did, but I don't think they set out to deliberately hurt or upset you.

meritaten

OP - if you really did have the day planned out - then a simple 'thank you but ive got it sorted' should have sufficed. you make it sound like an episode of the Sopranos - They INSISTED on taking him, etc. you had the day all planned and it sounds like a 'day out' rather than a medical appointment to follow up on a miscarriage.

you definitely don't sound like the type to be intimidated - I think you are now 'over-egging the pudding' and I am losing sympathy for you.