Argh Inlaws - am I being ungrateful??

KxMx

If nothing else use it as a learning experience, and change how you do things next time.

HPoirot

Absolutely.

I also feel it is important not to take anyone for granted however much you may think you are entitled to their time / resources. Courtesy cuts both ways.

But as you say we are all different.

alwaysskint96

duchy wrote: »

Grandparents who are disrespectful of the parent's wishes often find it backfires on them and they end up with less contact or even none . This is very sad but reading your condescending post in its entirety it's understandable how it happens ! You are very disrespectful towards your adult child and their spouse - I sincerely hope it doesn't come back to bite you on the bum !

Then its the parents missing out on the free childcare!! And the child missing out on timke with grandparents. The grandparents however have more free time and not a "helicopter" parent dictating to them

As both a parent and grandparent I feel that if you want someone else to look after your kids then let them get on with it- they are not paid nannies. If you want to dictate rules pay a professional My ex MIL did many things with my daughters that i wouldnt- none of it dangerous or anything like that but different attitudes to child rearing However she was doing ME a favour having the girls

I have a 5 year old granddaughter- i rarely babysit but if i do then I would not be dictated to by my daughter (her mum) If i obviously did a good enough job raising her then surely she can trust me to babysit without nicromanaging

iris

duchy wrote: »

Like telling her she makes you feel like the hired help ?

Sorry but I think the attacks on the OP are uncalled for.
She doesn't ask the grandparents to babysit whilst she works he's at nursery and they deliberately and knowingly sabotaged her plans for the day- simply because they wanted to.
That is just plain rude and inconsiderate.
I wonder had she rolled up an hour earlier than arranged and took him home if they would have thought that was OK- surely it's the same thing?

I think you have got mixed up with Pollypenny's post


https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/66587666#Comment_66587666

KxMx

I don't think asking for you kid back at a certain time, because you both have further plans, is "micro managing". The grandparents agreed remember.

Nor do I think that grandparents who ride roughshod over parents wishes is something which is particularly acceptable.

But then I can see the core posters of "sweet ol' granny and gramps can do no wrong" won't agree.

I think OP as I said should use this as a learning experience and move on. Especially as this is not the first time it's happened.

Internet threads do take on a life of their own sometimes though with people continuing to nit pick!

lulu_92

KxMx wrote: »

I don't think asking for you kid back at a certain time, because you both have further plans, is "micro managing".

Nor do I think that grandparents who ride roughshod over parents wishes is something which is particularly acceptable.

But then I can see the core posters of "sweet old granny and gramps can do no wrong" won't agree.

I agree with this completely. People are forgetting that the in laws offered to babysit. Yes, OP agreed to it but said "I need to pick DS up at this time and bring him back at this time because we are doing XYZ which has already been arranged".

I'm guessing that the inlaws agreed to that when the babysitting was arranged.

I don't think it's unreasonable, mainly because I'm assuming that this is a one off because of the hospital appointment and parents evening falling on the same day. If it was a regular occurrence I would understand the accusations of OP taking them for granted but could they not have stuck to the plans for just one day?

But, like I said, we are all different and we all live our lives differently.

GobbledyGook

How on earth is saying 'she needs to be back by X time as we have Y plans' micromanaging?

I think people are forgetting that the OP wasn't objecting to the activity that the grandparents decided to do, but to the fact the grandparents just decided to do something and TOLD the OP that they'd be back later, with no option for discussion, despite knowing there was already plans made with the other child for the playdate.

It also seems to be being missed a lot that this is not the first time this has happened.

Tropez

I can understand your frustration, OP. You were looking forward to spending some time with your son. You had plans and they've forced you to change them. It was a little presumptuous of them to do that without asking.

However, it doesn't sound like the type of thing to fall out with them over. They wanted to do something nice for your son and they've been reliable for you while you are dealing with your current issues. Perhaps in future you could, politely, stress any plans you have, particularly if the plans are based around having a chance to spend some time with your son. Given that they almost certainly did what they did because they wanted to spend some time with him too, they'll hopefully understand that

pollypenny

iris wrote: »

I think you have got mixed up with Pollypenny's post


https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/66587666#Comment_66587666

To reiterate: I said I felt like the hired help, but I never ever, mentioned this to DIL.

I've been reminded of a young colleague whose son was looked after by her mum .

She complained about grandma singing a dated song with him,
'Clap hands, claps hands
'Til daddy gets home,
Daddy has money
And mummy has none.'

Sometimes mummy has none, because she's looking after grandson. :cool:

pinkshoes

To conclude, I have learned that my in-laws are unreliable with timing, so in future, i shall decline their requests to look after DS when I already have other plans later that day.

I have not fallen out with my inlaws. I get on well with them.

Thank you for your responses.