Argh Inlaws - am I being ungrateful??

pollypenny

I've wondering whether OP depends on her in-laws for child are or babysitting on other, even regular occasions.

Who looks after little one when she is work?

As I said, grandparents can't will it seems. For so many of my friends, it seems there is the assumption that they drop everything if needed to look after child.

pollypenny

duchy wrote: »

Quite frankly my dear thor you have missed the point.

HER child-HER rules

Grandparents who are disrespectful of the parent's wishes often find it backfires on them and they end up with less contact or even none . This is very sad but reading your condescending post in its entirety it's understandable how it happens ! You are very disrespectful towards your adult child and their spouse - I sincerely hope it doesn't come back to bite you on the bum !

Not really.

We went to the USA for two months to look after GDS as they hsve lousy maternity leave there.

I followed DIL's rules carefully. However,,when she got home I felt that I was expected to clear off, like the hired help. This is why I feel Pink Shoes is hard on her in-laws.

sulphate

I think people are being too harsh on the OP as well. Yes, I am sure she is very grateful for the free babysitting. That doesn't mean the grandparents should be able to take advantage and do whatever they want just because they are doing her a favour - particularly as she didn't ask them to babysit this time.

Plenty of grandparents look after their grandchildren on a regular basis when the parents are at work, for this arrangement to work there needs to be a routine in place. If the grandparents were unreliable with this or the timings didn't work then the parents would have to make other arrangements for their child, I don't see how this is any different.

duchy

pollypenny wrote: »

Not really.

We went to the USA for two months to look after GDS as they hsve lousy maternity leave there.

I followed DIL's rules carefully. However,,when she got home I felt that I was expected to clear off, like the hired help. This is why I feel Pink Shoes is hard on her in-laws.

Sounds like you felt you were in competition with her ! (or maybe you just don't like her? )

Did you not think.......... I've had the joy and pleasure of having the baby all day-Mum had to work and now she's home she wants HER time with her child ?

Maybe neither of you are very good at sharing ! It's very sad you came away with such awful resentment over what could have been a wonderful bonding experience for all of you.

Did you discuss how you felt with your son at the time ? (btw weren't those rules his rules too?)

markdebby

The OP only wanted to take her LO for just over one hour and then she wanted the same grandparents to take the LO back again for her to go of again. To me she was using the grandparents for times that was suiting her and messing up their day..... Now that is being selfish. I would not like this DIL coming to stay in my house for any time at all.

sulphate

markdebby wrote: »

The OP only wanted to take her LO for just over one hour and then she wanted the same grandparents to take the LO back again for her to go of again. To me she was using the grandparents for times that was suiting her and messing up their day..... Now that is being selfish. I would not like this DIL coming to stay in my house for any time at all.

But the in laws offered - hardly messing up their day!

duchy

This definitely seems to be a MIL issue.
Not seeing many Mum of the Mother posts-which is kind of interesting.

duchy

markdebby wrote: »

The OP only wanted to take her LO for just over one hour and then she wanted the same grandparents to take the LO back again for her to go of again. To me she was using the grandparents for times that was suiting her and messing up their day..... Now that is being selfish. I would not like this DIL coming to stay in my house for any time at all.

No after all a Mum who tries to fit everything in - time with grandparents, an arranged playdate AND had to go back to work in the evening is such a terrible person. Far better to have her under your feet all day claiming benefits .

pinkshoes

pollypenny wrote: »

I've wondering whether OP depends on her in-laws for child are or babysitting on other, even regular occasions.

Who looks after little one when she is work?

As I said, grandparents can't will it seems. For so many of my friends, it seems there is the assumption that they drop everything if needed to look after child.

DS attends nursery on the 4 days i work. The other day me and him go on adventures and meet up with friends. Bear hunts, picnic, parks etc...

Any babysitting is done by my friends on a swap basis (i babysit for them), or sometimes BIL babysits if he wants to escape for the evening. The inlaws never offer to babysit, nor do we ask. I don't think they enjoy it as DS is asleep and they prefer him awake!

I am not sure why this is relevant.

I was happy to take DS with me to hospital. He is a good boy and would have been very excited at the ambulances and the bus ride! I was then going to take him to his favourite museum afterwards, then meet up with a friend at 3pm.

I was then dropping him off at 5pm at the in-laws, as agreed a week before, although i was not dependent on them. DS could have come with me to school, and DH would have picked him up after work.

They insisted on taking him out in the day and knew my afternoon plans.

I am not sure why some people are painting me as the bad guy here when was trying to keep the inlaws happy but ended up letting a friend down again because of them.

thorsoak

No, I didn't say that you were the bad guy - but you are the one painting your inlaws as the baddies!

Do you not appreciate that they will not always be around, that they may want to store up memories for your LO too? That they want to have fun with him as well as watching him sleep? You have, hopefully, a long lifetime to enjoy your little one - they have a shorter time with him - and you begrudge them that. The one day on their boat could be remembered by your LO for far longer than a play date.